Entries Tagged as 'Moms & Dads'

I’m calling your bluff on this one, Mom

March 4th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Amy spotted this attached to a mailbox in Monroe, North Carolina. Writes amy:  “I have no idea which flower it was (there were many that were still left on the porch), but I was impressed by the effort the victim took with this note — it was written on poster board and left up for quite a few days.”

To the person who STOLE my flower...It was a birthday gift from my little girl, paid for with her own money. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did... (I would have it it to you if you had asked.) :(

(And the posterboard…was a birthday gift…purchased with her own money!!!)

related: “no” questions asked

Tags: birthday · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · sad face · stealing

Just wait ’til he finds out the truth about the whole “fat guy down the chimney” thing

December 22nd, 2008 · 86 Comments

Sarah was taking a little stroll in Berkeley, California last December when she saw a house that clearly belonged to the “more is more” school of holiday decorating.

You know the type: “Giant candy canes, red bows, lights, even one of those life-sized plastic snow globes that blows confetti snow all around inside — all in a yard about the width of the sidewalk I was walking on,” Sarah says. “This note was tacked onto the fence, above an empty space in the row of candy canes.”

Who stole and vandalized a candy cane? Shame on you! My son will not understand your behavior. He will be confused and sad. Please control yourself and don't vandalize the Xmas decorations.

Adds Sarah: “Poor little boy. Now he’s not going to know it’s Christmas.”

related: a holiday wish

Tags: Berkeley · Christmas · excessive underlining · guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · stealing · vandalism · Won't somebody think of the children?

It’s on my dresser, next to my rolling papers

October 27th, 2008 · 125 Comments

Jeff in Grand Blanc, Michigan says one of his friends found this note on her bed one day when she came home from school. (And no, you can’t go live there.)

Yo — Hemphead! Look what you washed by not checking your pockets! Let's hope the seal was tight enough not to let much water in! May I suggest you lay it out somewhere safe to dry! Love, Mom :) P.S. Where's my clear tape?

related: LAN party at Mom’s house!

Tags: drugs · laundry · Michigan · Moms & Dads · p.s. · signed with love · visual aids

Especially religion

August 21st, 2008 · 228 Comments

Just so you Noe Valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…I spotted this last week on my very own block in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

For Apt #3: If you are UPS/USPS/DHL/FedEx/Ed MacMahon with a check for millions of dollars, you only need to BUZZ ONCE. If I'm here, I'll let you in. If I'm not (or I can't come to the door) I won't. If you are NOT any of the above - DO NOT BUZZ. I don't want what you have, especially if it's religion! There may be a SLEEPING BABY in here and you will be cursed if you wake her for no reason!

related: The thoughts that count

extra credit: “A different sort of neighborhood watch” [brownstoner.com]
Brooklyn neighbors & passive-aggressive notes” [daftcrafts.com]

Tags: Brooklyn · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · Moms & Dads · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope

Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

August 14th, 2008 · 241 Comments

For their daughter’s first birthday, Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt decided it would be fun to throw a casual little backyard get-together at their home in Rochester, Minnesota.

Like the good church-going Minnesotans they are, the Schmidts sent out this e-mail invite to their small-ish congregation of about 200 people, expecting maybe 20 or 30 to stop by for some cake.

Hello St. Luke’s family! Madeleine turns ONE on 8/8/8! To celebrate, she’s hosting her very own backyard tea party on Saturday, August 9th at 1:00 p.m. No gifts necessary – your presence is present enough. :) We hope you and your family will join us as we celebrate the first of many fun birthdays with our little princess. If you have a moment, please RSVP to so we know how many cucumber sandwiches to make. :)

Mr. Schmidt happens to be the local TV weatherman, but neither of the Schmidts could have predicted the outraged response they received by mail a few days later (unsigned, with no return address).

Mr + Mrs. Schmidt: I think I've heard everything now. Who invites every adult that they know to a 1 year old's birthday? If you want free toys, baby cloths [sic] and cash gifts why doesn't Mr. Schmidt just annonce it on his always wrong weather show? Why do you have to burden every person within hearing range to run out and buy a card and a gift. You two truely [sic] are a pair of complete asses, that doesn't say to [sic] much for your parents. How long are you going to terrioze [sic] this community?

Adds Mrs. Schmidt: “We have no clue who sent it, and decided we’d have to laugh it off or go crazy trying to figure it out…so I’m doing my own passive-aggressive act and posting it here.”

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

Tags: birthday · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · Minnesota · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2008 · spelling and grammar police

Sheena is a paintballer

July 9th, 2008 · 181 Comments

Where do you suppose this “anomous” Tampa, Florida resident stands on the whole nature-vs.-nurture debate?

PAINTBALL "PUNK" YOU WERE RAISED BY: TOTAL IDIOT PARENTS!

The Apple did not fall far from the tree! Your dad = idiot, son = little idiot $250 REWARD NAME THE IDIOT THAT SHOT PAINTBALL AT MY DOOR!

PARENTING 101 LEARN TO BE A REAL PARENT 10 LESSONS FREE CLASS

Interested? here’s a free preview!

Crappy parents > Bozo kids; Caring parents > very nice kids

related: Your to lazy

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · crazypants · dubious scientific claims · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · gloriously redundant · irregular capitalization · kids today · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2008 · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · Tampa · the lawn · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Wet laundry’s a bitch

May 28th, 2008 · 212 Comments

Spotted by Anna on the wall of an apartment complex in Phoenix…

Enjoy your yeast infection! :)

Meanwhile, in Ottawa…it’s comforting to know that even when Mom isn’t there to do your laundry, she can still help you guilt-trip your neighbors.

To the person who rudely took my laundry out of this dryer and tossed it in a damp pile on the dirty shelf, I'm terrible sorry that your laundry had to wait the 5 mins it was taking me to come downstairs to remove my own laundry from the dryer. I'll tell my mom next time she shouldn't call me during laundry time as someone, such as yourself, may have to wait a few mins longer for the machine. I'm aware of the fact that there are only 2 machines for the entire building but give me a break - how rude can you possiblt be? Perhaps maybe in the future we can work out a time schedule so that my meger [sic] clothing doesn't interfere with your clearly superior laundry. Thanks for that.  P.S. I was planning on allowing my stuff to COMPLETELY dry and put more $ in the machine but your needs come first, I understand.

related: I wiped between my legs with those towels!

Tags: guilt trip · karma's a bitch · laundry · Moms & Dads · Ottawa · p.s. · Phoenix · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · TL;DR

News you can use

May 25th, 2008 · 62 Comments

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Newsflash 1: trash does not take itself out. GROSS!?

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

I have a news flash! I don't buy your wine! Thanks for drinking a bottle I never got to try!

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Newsflash BITCH...I don't live to please you

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

Newsflash: There is no ice fairy. If you do not have the courtesy to refill the ice trays (especially in 100 degree weather) do not take any ice.

SHOCKING NEWSFLASH: Dishes don't wash themselves

NEWSFLASH Bush: One of the Worst Disasters to Hit the U.S.

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Facebook · garbage · ice · Moms & Dads · office · roommates · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · whiteboard

Did you send your Mom a Mother’s Day card?

May 10th, 2008 · 78 Comments

“Living with your parents while still in college has it’s benefits (saving money and all) but it also has its drawbacks,” writes Laura in Springfield, Missouri. Primarily…boundaries.

“My parents regularly grab my mail and put it in a compartment on a desk in our kitchen, which I don’t always check,” Laura explains. Sometime shortly after Christmas, Laura’s mother left her daughter a thank-you note. (An oddly formal gesture, but at least she didn’t actually lick a stamp and mail it first.)

The trouble arose several weeks later, when Mom discovered the note — still unopened — mixed in with Laura’s other mail. Her reaction? Another note, of course.

Thanks for opening this - I won't send anything else - Mom

On that note…Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: going postal · Missouri · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes · Springfield · thanks but no thanks

And please don’t step on any cracks, either

April 16th, 2008 · 126 Comments

After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.

The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”

PLEASE DO NOT EAT IN THE HOUSE THANKS MOM

“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought