Entries Tagged as 'family'

Dear Dad, I hate you less than the other parental unit. Happy Father’s Day!

June 17th, 2010 · 57 Comments

“My daughter is six and hyper after school,” writes Shannon in Jacksonville, North Carolina. “One day, I told her to go outside and play, but she wanted to watch TV.” Later, while cooking dinner, Shannon found this Magna-doodled on the fridge.

I love Daddy more than you Mom

After being forced into a similar “bad cop” role, Maria in Long Beach, California found this message from her nine-year-old son on the patio.

I like dad better

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania found this in a journal her nine-year-old daughter was throwing away. Interestingly, she says, “There was no ‘I HATE daddy’ written on the next page.”

The next page that says I HATE Daddy isn't true at all.

related: Daddy’s little smartass

 

Tags: Father-daughter notes · kids · Moms & Dads

A few choice words from Mom

June 8th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Mothers truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings known.

Just ask Rachel in Boston, who recently finished a three-semester master’s program a few months later than expected. “My mom was less than thrilled that my nine classmates finished on time while I struggled to edit my final paper,” Rachel says. “When I finally finished, we had a small graduation party, and she presented me with this gem of a cake.”

Finally! Rachel

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “My mother has a bit of a ‘thing’ against any sort of carbonated beverage and constantly refers to diet soda as ‘the devil’s brew.’ I recently bought a little pack of the mini-cans of Diet Coke, and left one on the computer desk. After arriving home one evening, I found that my mother had kindly re-labeled one of my empty cans for me.”

Little can of poisonous chemicals

In recognition of this particular skill, Amazon.com has apparently farmed out the writing of their suggested “PayPhrases” to stay-at-home Moms across the country…as Jessica in California noticed, on a double-take.

Express Checkout with PayPhrase: "Jessica's Brief Relationships"

related: Is your blog kid-tested, Mom-approved?

Tags: Boston · cake · Diet Coke · Madison · Moms & Dads

From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan Jett

May 17th, 2010 · 59 Comments

Emily says her parents in Massachusetts recently dug out this note from the family archives, written when Emily was six. (She’s now a high school English teacher.)

“None of us have any recollection of the circumstances surrounding it,” Emily says, “but my mother must have done something pretty awful to warrant such a melodramatic note, my six-year-old rage boiling just below the surface.”

Mom, I'm going to run away tomorrow at 9:30 when you are Dad are sleeping. Be sure to say goodbye forever. Emily P.S. I will be packing tonight

Adds Emily: “Given my use of the word ‘steepping,’ I also apparently confused my parents with bags of tea.”

related: My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents

Tags: kids · Massachusetts · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · p.s.

Please stop cursing so much on your mother-f’ing blog.

May 15th, 2010 · 38 Comments

So, KC in Washington, D.C. has a blog, which her mother reads and finds “somewhat amusing, to an extent.” Not everything KC writes meets with Mom’s approval, however.

“She never lectures me,” KC says. “Instead, she post-it notes her grievances and puts them in places I have no other choice but to look at” — a Kix cereal box, for example. (Which I have to admit, I find pretty goddamn adorable.)

Stop cussing so much in your blog, please. -Mom

related: Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right.

Thank you, Mom, for really trying to not say cuss words around me.

Tags: blog · cereal · D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · kids · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes

Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

May 9th, 2010 · 60 Comments

Sara in Easton, Maryland received this mother’s day card made by her 7-year-old daughter in school. “Yes, I sometimes have a potty mouth,” Sara says, “but I’m working on it, dammit! I just hope her teacher didn’t judge me too harshly…”

Thank you for really trying to not say cus [sic] words near me. Love, Kyla  please!!!

Meanwhile, Allison in Columbia, South Carolina found this sad little bookmark in a public library book. (An Amy Tan novel, naturally.)

20 min would have been far better than 0 min w/you  Happy Mother's day anyways  LOVE Mia

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

I am beautiful, no matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

April 28th, 2010 · 143 Comments

Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.

Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”

Dear Katie, You are beautiful now. We are sure you will be a beautiful bride. To help insure our wedding dress investment, please buy some scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week. We love you and want you to enjoy your wedding day. This present might help with some of the stress. With love, Mom & Dad

“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”

related: Loose lips shrink hips?

extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little insensitive · hey fatty · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · Oklahoma · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas

You burned my feelings

April 26th, 2010 · 206 Comments

One Saturday, John was in the basement watching the end of a football game when his 8-year-old daughter came down to ask when they’d be leaving for the beach. Just another 20 minutes or so, he told her.

“Eventually, the game ended and we went out,” John says. “But when I went to bed that night, I found this note sitting on my pillow. The tragedy of it all, combined with the warning — and offset by the pretty border and the flower — really make for a lovely package.”

Never put nature aside for telivision [sic]. You burned my feelings today, and I am warning you never to do what you did today again.

related: Mad, but not mad enough to forego a French braid

Tags: Father-daughter notes · football · guilt trip · kids · Minneapolis/St. Paul · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · TV · warning

Wigging out, daycare-style

April 20th, 2010 · 110 Comments

“My 1-year-old likes to play with hair when she’s sleepy,” writes Michelle in Columbia, South Carolina…a habit which apparently didn’t go over so well at day care with the fair-haired Ms. Linda. [Hahahaha RAGE BLACKOUT emoticon!!!!]

Look Mom and Dad. I pulled out Ms. Linda's hair. Now we have to buy her a wig. :-)

related: We talked about the “stabbing” incident yesterday.

Tags: Columbia · guilt trip · hair · kids · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't · South Carolina · visual aids

Biebermania claims another innocent victim

April 15th, 2010 · 126 Comments

“My grandmother has been telling my brother that his hair is too long for forever now,” our submitter in Texas writes, “and whenever she criticized his long hair, he’d tell her it was ‘in style.’”  Hello, loophole! Today Grandma left this clipping on the fridge for her grandson to find.

Seth-This was the boy's cut that is supposed to be the 'IN-CUT' now. Why don't you try it & surprise me while I'm gone!

(By the way, if you’ve managed to avoid contact with the tween set lately and had no idea that this Justin Bieber character is supposedly “the world’s biggest pop star” — you’re not alone.)

And Grandma, if Seth doesn’t take the hint, maybe you’ll have to try Star Magazine‘s trick?

related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time

extra credit: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [gawker.com]

Justin Bieber’s “hair trick” [youtube]

Tags: a matter of taste · family · Grandma · hair · Texas · unsolicited feedback · visual aids

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents

April 14th, 2010 · 122 Comments

When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)

If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.

Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world

(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.

As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”

Dear Mommy & Jon  You almost cost the life of my bob my fish. It sprung a leak, next time if you here me screaming 'HELP MY FISH TANK SPRUNG A LEAK, PLEASE HELP ME Come Help Me' COME HELP worringly, eliot P.S. It was temporary

Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”

related: The joys of motherhood

Tags: guilt trip · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s.