Entries Tagged as 'family'

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

June 26th, 2009 · 90 Comments

This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

You are welcome!

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: STFU, Parents

 

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt

Subtle on the nose, with an oddly cloying finish

June 24th, 2009 · 56 Comments

Writes Devra in San Luis Obispo, California: “I’m visiting my parents in Napa, where they both work at wineries. They recently found out that I smoke cigarettes, and though I’m sure they disapprove, there has been little to no discussion on the matter. My mom wanted me to go with her to a tasting today, so she printed out directions from Google Maps with this note written on it. I found it waiting on my bedside table when I woke up.”

They don't like strong perfume or smoke odor in tasting room :) See you! Mom

related: And pull up your pants!

Tags: Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · odor · smiley · smoking

Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

June 21st, 2009 · 113 Comments

Writes Jim in Colorado: “When I attempt to cook, I typically use way too many pots, pans and utensils and sometimes tend to skip instructions. (I actually made hard-boiled eggs and set the smoke detectors off.) Anyway, the other night I made cheeseburger pie and forgot to precook the meat. I woke up the next morning and found this on the refrigerator.” </laugh track> Oh, dad!

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

related: No reading required, kids

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

Tags: food · kitchen · Moms & Dads

If she were really passive-aggressive, she’d get the fence secretly electrified

May 18th, 2009 · 170 Comments

Writes Chris in Riverside, California: “My friend Eric essentially has a LAN center in his garage. Cigarettes and energy drinks are the diet of choice and we (usually 5 to 7 people lanning there at any given time) piss on his fence so we don’t flush the toilet too many times over the evening. He woke up one morning with this note from his mother.”

I’d say Eric got off pretty easy, no?

ERIC - PICK UP THE CIGARETTE BUTTS! NOW & do not piss on the fence! That is so Disrespectful to me & this house! What the hell Eric! There is a bathroom right thru the door! USE IT.

related: WoW, indeed

Tags: actually totally reasonable · California · Moms & Dads · piss · smoking · toilet

Is your babysitter trying to get in your kid’s pants?

May 15th, 2009 · 337 Comments

So, I pretty much have a policy of not posting notes submitted by the people who wrote them. I made an exception for this one because I think the really passive-aggressive part of the story is the behavior that inspired it. You might disagree. Nonetheless — on to the backstory, from an anonymous dad in Cary, North Carolina:

My daughter attends a friend’s house for child care two days a week.  For the past few days, the lady watching her has been checking my daughter’s clothing tags and telling her she needs to wear “the size of her age.” (“Since you’re 4 years old, you need to wear size 4,” etc.)  This person has never said anything to me or her mother — just the child.

This was making my daughter worry unnecessarily about her clothes, so I decided to step in. When I asked my daughter if she had her tags checked that day, she said yes — but we’ve never had another incident of tag-checking since.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

related: you’re toast

Tags: Moms & Dads · MYOB · North Carolina

Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place

May 10th, 2009 · 95 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “I’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. In fact, we’re all currently living in different states. My mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. On Mother’s Day she screened my call, then mass-texted all four of us this gem. Happy Mother’s day, Mom!!”

just want 2 wish u all happy kids day!

Meanwhile, Stephen in Spain thought he was being considerate by waiting until later in the day to call, given the six-hour time difference. Next year, he’ll know to wake his Mom up at 4 a.m. to show her JUST HOW MUCH HE CARES!

I know that it doesn't mean much that I am your mother

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

Tags: e-mail · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · text message

I’ll have u know

May 6th, 2009 · 290 Comments

A busy working mom in Austin, Texas got this little love note on her BlackBerry from her sixteen-year-old son. (Michael is his friend, by the way,  not the craft store.)

I c ur mad

In the end, our submitter adds, he didn’t take the bus after all. Total bluff!

related: friends don’t lie 2 friends

Tags: Austin · e-mail · kids today · Moms & Dads · schools & teachers · signed with love · spelling and grammar police

Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

April 19th, 2009 · 91 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Unable to visit my mother last year for Mother’s Day, my partner and I sent her a box of chocolate truffles and an antique brooch. This is her ‘thank you’ note (which is really more like a ‘fuck you’ note).”

I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are

The final “fuck you,” of course, is the nearly indecipherable handwriting. Here’s the transcription:

Looked forward to seeing you on Mother’s day. In Lieu of such optimism I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are + the pin is very attractive. Thanks. Love, Mom

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · thanks (but not really)

Why you should not be Facebook friends with your parents…or grandparents

April 8th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Writes Halley in Idaho: “Yeahhh, that’s my mom and my grandpa right there. (This is what happens when old people join Facebook.)”

Happy Birthday Dad! I'll call you on my way home from school.

Thank you, but you know I don't accept calls from people who are driving because I am afraid it will end in a CRASH.

related: Busted by Facebook
extra credit: Facebook embroidery

Tags: birthday · Facebook · Idaho · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks

Wanna touch the baby?

April 6th, 2009 · 373 Comments

“My co-worker had a ‘meet our bundle of joy’ party in a common space of his apartment building,” says our anonymous submitter in New York City, and these notes were peppered throughout the space. ”Not only did I opt out of ‘touching’ their baby, I also passed on digging into the bowl of Ruffles.”

Wanna touch the baby? Please use this on your hands first.

Meanwhile, as Carson in Atlanta points out, someone else has channeled that parental germaphobia into a bona fide business!

wanna touch the baby?

related: this is all about the childern

extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Soap

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · hygiene · Moms & Dads · New York