Entries Tagged as 'family'

Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

April 19th, 2009 · 91 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Unable to visit my mother last year for Mother’s Day, my partner and I sent her a box of chocolate truffles and an antique brooch. This is her ‘thank you’ note (which is really more like a ‘fuck you’ note).”

I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are

The final “fuck you,” of course, is the nearly indecipherable handwriting. Here’s the transcription:

Looked forward to seeing you on Mother’s day. In Lieu of such optimism I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are + the pin is very attractive. Thanks. Love, Mom

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · thanks (but not really)

Why you should not be Facebook friends with your parents…or grandparents

April 8th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Writes Halley in Idaho: “Yeahhh, that’s my mom and my grandpa right there. (This is what happens when old people join Facebook.)”

Happy Birthday Dad! I'll call you on my way home from school.

Thank you, but you know I don't accept calls from people who are driving because I am afraid it will end in a CRASH.

related: Busted by Facebook
extra credit: Facebook embroidery

Tags: birthday · Facebook · Idaho · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks

Wanna touch the baby?

April 6th, 2009 · 373 Comments

“My co-worker had a ‘meet our bundle of joy’ party in a common space of his apartment building,” says our anonymous submitter in New York City, and these notes were peppered throughout the space. ”Not only did I opt out of ‘touching’ their baby, I also passed on digging into the bowl of Ruffles.”

Wanna touch the baby? Please use this on your hands first.

Meanwhile, as Carson in Atlanta points out, someone else has channeled that parental germaphobia into a bona fide business!

wanna touch the baby?

related: this is all about the childern

extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Soap

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · hygiene · Moms & Dads · New York

All the makings of a great Noah Baumbach screenplay

March 25th, 2009 · 248 Comments

Victoria in Foster city, California, says her brother taped this note to one of the kitchen cabinets in their mother’s house after her boyfriend took his own frozen chicken out of little brother’s grasp the night before. (Just to clarify that mess of pronouns: it was Victoria’s boyfriend’s chicken. Not that it really matters.)

Kitchen Rules

“He’s 17 and constantly PMS-ing and thinks he has reign of the house,” Victoria says of her brother. So, in response, Victoria did whatever any older sibling does when a parent tells you to suck it up and act your age. (Namely: exactly the opposite.)

New "house" rules: pubescent adolescents don't make house rules

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

related: no girls allowed

Tags: California · family · kitchen · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · siblings

But…but…I didn’t forget!

March 24th, 2009 · 94 Comments

My Grandma Cookie is 85 today! Won’t you join me in wishing her love, joy and a good day?

If you have a birthday and don't hear from your grandchildren, is it still a birthday?

And please, she’s got early bird reservations at the hibachi restaurant at 6 p.m. (Florida time, natch), so step on it, won’tcha?

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

extra credit: The Blue Mountain Arts e-card from Grandma Cookie that my brother Danny “forgot” to pick up

Tags: birthday · Grandma · guilt trip

I’m calling your bluff on this one, Mom

March 4th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Amy spotted this attached to a mailbox in Monroe, North Carolina. Writes amy:  “I have no idea which flower it was (there were many that were still left on the porch), but I was impressed by the effort the victim took with this note — it was written on poster board and left up for quite a few days.”

To the person who STOLE my flower...It was a birthday gift from my little girl, paid for with her own money. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did... (I would have it it to you if you had asked.) :(

(And the posterboard…was a birthday gift…purchased with her own money!!!)

related: “no” questions asked

Tags: birthday · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · sad face · stealing

Where’s the beef?

January 12th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Writes Ashley in Thousand Oaks, California: “A few years ago, my grandmother and I were sharing a bathroom, and sometimes I would use her towels. One day I opened the drawer and found this note. Of course, I had to take a picture!”

HANDS OFF YOU DIE

And then…well, then there’s this.

related: How I “did” my grandma

Tags: California · die bitch die · family · Grandma · not-so-veiled threats · old folks

Putting the “X” in “X-mas”

December 29th, 2008 · 89 Comments

“My family moved out of the house we grew up in seven years ago, and our old neighbor sent us this Christmas card,” writes Gloria in Los Angeles. (Gloria herself seems to have made a particularly strong impression.)

Vicki, Tony, Kinda, Tom, Rita, + forgot

Meanwhile, in Providence, R.I., Jessica’s aunt seems to be doing her best to put the “X” in “X-mas.”

Jessica, Aunt Karen bought you a few small items for X-mas. After this you and Kristen are off the list.

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: "forgot" · Christmas · family · holiday spirit · Los Angeles · neighbors · signed with love

Just wait ’til he finds out the truth about the whole “fat guy down the chimney” thing

December 22nd, 2008 · 86 Comments

Sarah was taking a little stroll in Berkeley, California last December when she saw a house that clearly belonged to the “more is more” school of holiday decorating.

You know the type: “Giant candy canes, red bows, lights, even one of those life-sized plastic snow globes that blows confetti snow all around inside — all in a yard about the width of the sidewalk I was walking on,” Sarah says. “This note was tacked onto the fence, above an empty space in the row of candy canes.”

Who stole and vandalized a candy cane? Shame on you! My son will not understand your behavior. He will be confused and sad. Please control yourself and don't vandalize the Xmas decorations.

Adds Sarah: “Poor little boy. Now he’s not going to know it’s Christmas.”

related: a holiday wish

Tags: Berkeley · Christmas · excessive underlining · guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · stealing · vandalism · Won't somebody think of the children?

Next on fish with low self-esteem

November 9th, 2008 · 139 Comments

“As a college student used to her freedom, I’m sometimes gone for days at a time when I’m home for the summer,” explains Jesse from Gurnee, Illinois, admitting that during this time, her betta fish, Freddie Mercury, tends to go unfed.

“My 14-year old-sister has shown him mercy a a few times,” Jesse says, and admirably, “she’s never asked for thanks.” But Freddie, it seems, has had just about enough of this neglect.

Tiffany fed me, no thanks to you. Do you want me dead? Just feed me to the cat.

related: Through a glass bowl, darkly
extra credit: “You can call me the manatee!” [youtube]

Tags: anthropomorphism · family · guilt trip · Illinois · most popular notes of 2008