Entries Tagged as 'family'

Why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?

April 20th, 2008 · 47 Comments

You gotta love my Grandma Cookie — she’s always looking out for my figure!

Make the matzo balls light!!

(This is why the Seder calls for the drinking of four cups of wine.)

related: too many
extra credit: our stomachs, ourselves [heeb]

Tags: animated fucking e-card · Grandma · holiday spirit

No girls allowed

April 18th, 2008 · 98 Comments

Writes Bailey in Oklahoma: “My nine-year-old brother hung the original note on his door when I came home from college for Christmas. After I laughed it off, he left a special note just for me. When I walked in anyway, he yelled, “Didn’t you see the sign?!?’ I can’t believe I’m being patronized by a third-grader.”

This is a boys only room. No girls can enter except my girl cousin. This includes you Bailey.

(Don’t worry, Bailey, you’re not the only one.)

related: No kids allowed!

Tags: battle of the sexes · kids · siblings · visual aids

And please don’t step on any cracks, either

April 16th, 2008 · 126 Comments

After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.

The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”

PLEASE DO NOT EAT IN THE HOUSE THANKS MOM

“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought

I can has guilt trip?

April 2nd, 2008 · 112 Comments

Writes Jake in Los Angeles: “At home for Christmas (in Greenville, South Carolina) I mentioned in passing that I would ‘try’ to make it home for Easter, which is what most southern refugee children with guilt complexes tell their doting mothers even though both sides know said child has no intention of showing up to hide eggs and eat ham.”

Jake’s mom, bless her heart, didn’t get the memo.

I am a sad cat wearing bunny ears.

Wish you were coming home but I understand. Love, M

related: Too many

Tags: guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · South Carolina · southern charm

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)

But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted

February 24th, 2008 · 109 Comments

Charlie in Hopkinton, Massachusetts (age 17) and his little brother (age 15) spent a good deal of time scheming about how to respond to their mother’s notes around the bathroom before deciding upon shaving cream as their weapon of choice.

p.s. Matilda: the most passive-aggressive child in fiction? (Also, Muggle-wump: the most passive-aggressive monkey?) discuss!

related: Living with an adolescent (abridged)

Tags: bathroom · Massachusetts · Moms & Dads

Living with an adolescent (abridged)

November 14th, 2007 · 216 Comments

Carlina in Texas is close with her parents, but she’s been having a bit of a rough time lately. Apparently Carlina’s mother has grown tired of her daughter’s apathy/hostility/general malaise, and slipped this classic mom note under her door.

Hey Sweetie Pie, Let's go out to dinner tomorrow. We miss you! We don't have to...if i's too much trouble. No, nevermind. Mom

If that note didn’t remind you of your own mom, perhaps you can relate to this one from Alexandra (or rather, her friend) which displays a more familiar variety of maternal guilt trip. it’s like your teenage years condensed into note form!

Clean this room. Life doesn't come without responsibility!

P.S. Carlina says she definitely plans to take her mom up on the dinner.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: cleaning · family · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas

No reading required, kids

September 22nd, 2007 · 221 Comments

“This isn’t quite a note,” writes Andrea in California. “Actually, it’s not a note at all.” But passive-aggressive? Yessir.

She explains: “My dad’s job is to take out the trash. It’s probably his only household chore. But for some reason, it never seems to get done.” So Andrea’s mom took action. Sort of.

no reading required, kids

After this, Andrea says, it only took her dad three days to acknowledge the trash and take it out.

Tags: actions speak louder · California · garbage · Moms & Dads

Two points for chutzpah, but zero for originality

September 11th, 2007 · 100 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Corte Madera, California: “We have a lot of passive-aggressive notes up around the office, and most of them are addressed to the entire office staff in common areas. You can imagine my surprise when after eating lunch and going out for a smoke break with some coworkers today, we came back to find a bit of passive-aggressiveness on our lunch table — not 15 minutes after we had left it. Grrrrr.”

Clean up after your eat. (Wipe the food off the table and put the chairs back where they belong.) Just like the kitchen, Your mother doesn't work here either.

More choice guilt-trips from this office — including yet another “your mother doesn’t work here” note, follow.

This is a trashcan. It is not a recycling bin. If you turn around, you will find the recycling bin sandwiched between the fridge and the coffee pot. There is really no excuse not to recycle with it's so accessible. You're keeping waste out of landfills and taking a small step to help save the environment.

Note to self: If it's too hard for you to close these doors, maybe you shouldn't be opening them. (Ooo, sassy!)

Wash your dishes & silverware please, your mom doesn't work here

related: Your mother doesn’t work here (or here, or here, or here)

Tags: California · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · dishes · garbage · guilt trip · kitchen · Moms & Dads · office · oh snap · opening/closing · recycling · spelling and grammar police · The Earth · visual aids · Your mother doesn't...

Don’t hate the playa

August 12th, 2007 · 115 Comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

This is to inform you that the tenant who lives on floor [redacted] appears to be having drug and alcohol problems.

Tags: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police