Tonya says she and her boyfriend in Charlottesville, Virginia had been living together for two years when they received this Valentine from his mother, “with the not-so-subtle implication that we should take our relationship to the next level.” Adds Tonya: “Oh, and on the inside of the card, she spelled my name wrong.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

related: The next-to-marry list

“My dad has six older, very Italian sisters,” writes Kristina in Detroit, in what sounds very much like the setup for a sitcom. “They’re all very opinionated, and will take a stab at you whenever possible.”

A few weeks ago, she says, “My dad — out of the kindness of his heart — lent a hand by fixing his oldest sister’s virus-riddled computer.” Of course, Aunt Marie was well-warned that wiping her (un-backed-up) hard drive to get rid of the viruses would also erase her other downloaded programs, music and whatnot, but true to form, Aunt Marie wasn’t about to let a good deed go unpunished.

Even in her thank you note, Kristina says, “she just had to mention her ‘programs’ (which have no chance of coming back, and she knows it!)”

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan Jett; When you can’t blame the dog

Says our submitter in Las Vegas: “My mom found this — my brother’s Christmas shopping list — while cleaning up the house before company came over. (Sandra is my sister-in-law.)”

Poor Sandra. She doesn’t even warrant a regifted Mongolia[n] BBQ hat from the office potluck?

related: Stuff this in your stocking, sister.

Kat is currently living abroad teaching English in Japan, and although she speaks to her parents every week, that’s apparently not cutting it with her Dad, who’d prefer more detailed letters.

Rather than communicate this directly to Kat, however, Daddy dearest decided to use the family’s new kitten, Faisal, as his mouthpiece. The result? The finest in super kawaii emotional manipulation!

Now somebody get that man a wasabi-flavored Kit Kat, stat.

related: I can has guilt trip?

Before her husband left on his first military deployment, Sarah in San Diego sent out an e-mail to the whole family with info about how everyone can stay in touch while he’s away. To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending. What neither Sarah nor her husband took into account? The Uncle Paul factor.

Her husband’s Uncle Paul, Sarah explains, is a mailman/postman/letter carrier — whatever the correct term is. (Based on Uncle Paul’s reply, she says, “I’m clearly not up enough on the intricate etiquette of the U.S. Postal Service to know.”)

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

At least three New Yorkers have independently spotted and submitted this sign in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn, so I figured it’s time to give it a proper showing. (Submitter Adam took several photos from a variety of angles, so you can a picture of the whole scene.)

Amanda also provided some color commentary. “The ‘plants’ in question are the small jungle encroaching from the right of the photo,” she says. “Honestly, without the sign, the property would have just looked abandoned. Now it looks more like the home of a crotchety hermit.”

And our anonymous submitter, who happens to live less than a block away from these two houses, even did a little extra detective work. “I’ve tried and tried to find out the back story,” he says, “but so far all I have been able to find out is that the feuding neighbors are also brother and sister.”

I think that pretty much explains it, no?

related: Another example of Brooklyn’s seemingly unparalleled commitment to exasperated signage

Although at first glance this card might seem pretty harmless, our submitter in Sacramento says she’s had enough experience with her new husband’s ultra-religious cousins to be able to read between the lines. (Just add “…before you’re both condemned to eternal damnation” to the end of the last sentence and you’ll get the idea.)

Adds our bristling bride: “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead.”

related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

extra credit: the front of the card