Entries Tagged as 'family'

The Bad Moms Club (see, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT true)

April 11th, 2011 · 61 Comments

When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified —  and god only knows what his teacher thought.

Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)

17 MARCH MY NEWS: I WENT TO MY FRIEND LUCAS HOUSE. MY MOM GOT DRUNK. [Teacher:] Oh my goodness me! It's important for mom to let her hair down once in a while!

Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…

related: Just in case you haven’t gotten your fix of working mom guilt…your kid’s preschool teacher is ready to step up!

extra credit: Red Party Cups for Classy Moms

Tags: drizzunk · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · schools & teachers

S is for Sibling Rivalry

April 4th, 2011 · 53 Comments

For a second-grade assignment, Gayle‘s daughter Martha, age 7, was assigned to write an acrostic poem about a family member, using descriptive words beginning with each letter of their title (Mother, Grandpa, etc.) Martha chose to compose this loving ode to her SISTER.

S is for Soccer I for for incredible S if for screaming T is for a turd E is for easily gets mad R is for a rat

related: The rift that keeps on giving

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · pure poetry · siblings

“Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

March 25th, 2011 · 104 Comments

“First off,” writes submitter, who we’ll call Lorelai, “my parents and I have never, ever, ever had any kind of discussion regarding ANYTHING having to do with sex. Mostly because, well, they are my 60-something-year-old parents. And my father is my preacher.”

Today, Lorelai is a 33-year-old “volleyball-coaching, home-owning, full-time working, Girl-Scout-Troop-leading” mother of a “well-behaved, smart, friendly, athletic, violin-playing” daughter, who happens to be the product of unplanned pregnancy 11 years ago.

“Although it took my parents some time to accept the decision I made to raise her (successfully, so far!) on my own, I thought we had moved on,” our submitter says. “Apparently not. My long-distance, very serious, boyfriend will be visiting in a few days, and I guess they wanted to make their stance clear on the matter, eleven years later.”

Happy Valentine's Day! Go buy some Magnums! Love, Mom & Dad

Happy Valentine's Day! Go buy some Magnums! Love, Mom & Dad

Lorelai says the follow-up letter from her Mom clarifying to meaning of the card was even more awkward. Sample excerpt:

I guess our gesture was our way of saying ‘We love you and want you to have a healthy sex life, but be careful, because we don’t want you to be hurt like you were before.’

Adds Lorelai: “Maybe some people have this kind of relationship with their parents, but, well, I definitely don’t.”

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin.

Tags: holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · Ohio · sex sex sex · signed with love · Valentine's Day

What you’re missing by not befriending your Mom on Facebook

March 24th, 2011 · 68 Comments

DeeAnne recently received this postcard from her mother, who’s vacationing in Hawaii. “After regaling me with the usual tales of beautiful scenery and exotic fauna,” says DeeAnne, “she reminded me that if only I would succumb to her 10,000th ‘hint’ to accept her friend request on Facebook — note the double underline — I too would be able to glimpse paradise.”

And yet, “as you can see, she’s forgiving enough that she’s still willing to show them to me upon her return.” (Phew.)

There are plenty of photos on Facebook but YOU are not my friend! I can show you when I get home. Love, Mom

related: This is what happens when parents use Facebook

extra credit: Saturday Night Live, “Mom’s on Facebook”

Tags: Facebook · Hawaii · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

Dear Grandma: Thanks for saving me the trouble of sending you a thank-you note by writing one yourself.

March 3rd, 2011 · 178 Comments

Explains Megan: “My grandmother is extremely particular about her grandchildren when it comes to writing letters, especially handwritten thank-you notes. (My cousins and I often spend family events comparing the consequences we’ve endured for taking too long to mail the proper correspondence.)”

Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual. Instead, she got beaten to the punch. Within a week and a half of Valentine’s Day, this postcard (from guess who?) showed up in Megan’s mailbox.

Written on a postcard addressed TO Megan:

related: P.S. Do you they teach you thank notes at school?

Tags: etiquette · Grandma · old folks · thanks (but not really)

It’s hard being an 11-year-old girl.

February 15th, 2011 · 37 Comments

Katie doesn’t remember writing this note (which she found while going through old papers of her mom’s) but says, “I do feel sorry for little 11-year-old me, having to deal with being falsely accused of *gasp* faking illness to get out of school, and then having to deal with the humiliation of public grandma affection.”

Adds Katie: “My favorite part is at the beginning where I unintentionally implied that my mother was some kind of slut. (At the time, she worked around a lot of truckers and always had funny stories about them trying to hit on her.) Also, you can totally tell that we had worked on letter-writing/dialogue skills in school recently.”

Dear Mom, I love you a WHOLE LOT! You are a really cool and pretty person. Just ask Benjamin, Kerry, and all your other boys! I want to tell you what Granny said this morning. She said,

related: A thinly veiled tattletale

extra credit: “I Enjoy Being a Girl, Sort of” [This American Life]

Tags: Grandma · kids · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin.

February 14th, 2011 · 103 Comments

Tonya says she and her boyfriend in Charlottesville, Virginia had been living together for two years when they received this Valentine from his mother, “with the not-so-subtle implication that we should take our relationship to the next level.” Adds Tonya: “Oh, and on the inside of the card, she spelled my name wrong.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Happy Valentine's Day to a Great Son and <del>Wife</del> Partner.

related: The next-to-marry list

Tags: Charlottesville · guilt trip · holiday spirit · love & marriage · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · Valentine's Day

The joys of being the unofficial IT guy for your entire family

February 1st, 2011 · 49 Comments

“My dad has six older, very Italian sisters,” writes Kristina in Detroit, in what sounds very much like the setup for a sitcom. “They’re all very opinionated, and will take a stab at you whenever possible.”

A few weeks ago, she says, “My dad — out of the kindness of his heart — lent a hand by fixing his oldest sister’s virus-riddled computer.” Of course, Aunt Marie was well-warned that wiping her (un-backed-up) hard drive to get rid of the viruses would also erase her other downloaded programs, music and whatnot, but true to form, Aunt Marie wasn’t about to let a good deed go unpunished.

Even in her thank you note, Kristina says, “she just had to mention her ‘programs’ (which have no chance of coming back, and she knows it!)”

Thanks Mike, We appreciate you fixing my computer.  Good job - Still need my programs back - Love ya, Marie and Sam

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

Tags: a little patronizing · Detroit · family · signed with love · thanks (but not really)

Under the Christmas tree next year: a copy of “The Gas We Pass”

December 28th, 2010 · 55 Comments

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

I am running away because you think I farted and I didn't.  P.S. You are mean.

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan JettWhen you can’t blame the dog

Tags: a little insensitive · Christmas · Detroit · family · flatulence · kids · p.s.

Thx (for nothing) Sandra!

December 20th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Says our submitter in Las Vegas: “My mom found this — my brother’s Christmas shopping list — while cleaning up the house before company came over. (Sandra is my sister-in-law.)”

Poor Sandra. She doesn’t even warrant a regifted Mongolia[n] BBQ hat from the office potluck?

Sandra- shit in bag

related: Stuff this in your stocking, sister.

Tags: Christmas · family · WTF?