PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » fired

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

Kerry — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:12:27 +0000

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

related: Recession incentive plan

The Year of the Rabbit is off to a lucky start!

Kerry — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 01:44:49 +0000

…at least that’s the spin the managers of this Atlanta restaurant are going with.

(Thanks to Nicole and her friend Sam for submitting.)

related: Recession incentive plan

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

Kerry — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 21:26:43 +0000

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Motivational posters for a down economy

Kerry — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 21:53:15 +0000

In a recession, how companies harness the power of positive thinking can get a little twisted.

In Roanoke, Virginia, for example, Seth says “an uptight lady I used to work with — who almost certainly used to be a hall monitor — wrote this motivational quote in the windowless trailer I shared with about 20 coworkers and a vindictive, micromanaging boss.”

When he eventually got laid off, Seth says, the company tried to get him to interview for a different position — but those inspiring words on the whiteboard set him straight. “I decided that imagining myself without a paycheck was not enough to keep me coming back to that acre of hell.”

Elsewhere in Roanoke, meanwhile, kitchen staff at this restaurant/bar are greeted by these empowering words every time they trudge through the doors.

And of course, nothing can top this classic:

An evening of congenial abnormality

Kerry — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:44:36 +0000

Alexandra in Renton, Washington received this invitation from a former supervisor at a hospital. “Rumors had been circulating that she and another supervisor had a personality clash, and then recently an e-mail was distributed indicating that her position had been terminated.”

The invitation gets off to a roaring start with the mention of “12 years, the first ten of them terrific,” and the “come hear all about it” seems to portend some seriously juicy trash-talking. Says Alexandra: “I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.”

Recession incentive plan

Kerry — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:49:02 +0000

Writes Katrina in Illinois: “I work in furniture, and due to the economy/the real estate crash, the company has been struggling and a lot of employees have been making a lot less money. This little morale booster was found on the break room bulletin board — right beside the letter notifying us that the company was no longer matching 401(k) contributions.”

related: “That’s what she said”

But now I’m gold (hooray hooray)

Kerry — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:28:07 +0000

Meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

related: this shit is bananas

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny.”

Kerry — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 07:07:11 +0000

“This morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules,” writes an anonymous federal employee in Colorado. That means recording the correct times time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms. (Really, would you expect anything less from the United States government?)

Later that a day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”

This follow-up note was posted soon after.

Adds our submitter: “As far as I know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (Again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)

related: four approaches to ice-cube maintenance
extra credit: “the audacity of government” [thisamericanlife.org]

To the victor goes the bile

kerry — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:57:36 +0000

Ruben in Pregon works for an Apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iPhones don’t sell themselves, people! For that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.)

When Josh, the store’s very own Dwight Schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty much the way you’d expect.

The only person more universally reviled than the office suckup? the new guy, of course.

Says Ruben: “Most of us are real sticklers for keeping track of new product, but recently we brought on this new guy, Victor, and he hasn’t been doing too well.” Ruben came into work one day to find this MacBook battery on one of the tech benches, along with these notes that explain the entire story in just nine words. (And three question marks.)

Ruben says this pwnage became less hilarious when Victor actually did end up getting fired. “Awwkard!”

Your last day of work was yesterday

Kerry — Sat, 26 May 2007 08:04:15 +0000

I’m all, “whoa, they left him a note instead of telling him face-to-face?” and Scott’s like, “Yep, I guess probably because the night operator was a pretty big dude.”

How’s that for way harsh? The numbered list at the end is my favorite part.