Entries Tagged as 'fired'

An evening of congenial abnormality

August 17th, 2009 · 136 Comments

Alexandra in Renton, Washington received this invitation from a former supervisor at a hospital. “Rumors had been circulating that she and another supervisor had a personality clash, and then recently an e-mail was distributed indicating that her position had been terminated.”

The invitation gets off to a roaring start with the mention of “12 years, the first ten of them terrific,” and the “come hear all about it” seems to portend some seriously juicy trash-talking.  Says Alexandra: “I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.”

congenital conversation and memories will be served

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits

Tags: farewell letter · fired · fun with malapropisms · Washington state

Recession incentive plan

July 9th, 2009 · 160 Comments

Writes Katrina in Illinois: “I work in furniture, and due to the economy/the real estate crash, the company has been struggling and a lot of employees have been making a lot less money.  This little morale booster was found on the break room bulletin board — right beside the letter notifying us that the company was no longer matching 401(k) contributions.”

To all Employees: New incentive plan: work - or get fired!

related: “That’s what she said”

Tags: fired · high on highlighter · Illinois · now that's management

But now I’m gold (hooray hooray)

October 14th, 2008 · 60 Comments

Meg’s uncanny curatorial ability to uncover the silver lining in any situation was woefully under-appreciated at her last job, but even her former coworkers had to admit that this farewell e-mail was an impressive excavation of meg’s latent passive-aggressive tendencies.

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than other (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

Hi all, Due to Museum restructuring, my position has been terminated today. After seeing five other staff members voluntary departures from the Museum recently. I know this change is a step in the right direction for me. On to bigger, better galleries and museums with organized management and high-paying salaries!!! It has been a pleasure working with some of you more than others (you know who you are)! Cheers, Meg

related: This shit is bananas

Tags: all-staff e-mail · cheers · farewell letter · fired · you know who you are

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny.”

July 16th, 2008 · 200 Comments

“This morning we were reminded via an office-wide email that we must comply with the official timekeeping rules,” writes an anonymous federal employee in Colorado. “That means recording the correct times time sheets, not being absent during core hours without submitting a leave slip, not being off campus except for lunch hour or approved leave — you know, everything short of requiring hall passes to use the restrooms.” (Really, would you expect anything less from the United States government?)

Later that day, a print-out appeared on the bulletin board for a training called “dealing with difficult people.”

FEAR: Are you reading this while on approved leave? If not, you could be FIRED - the very first time it happens! Remember: "Friends don't let friends go to work unless they're terrified of losing their job!"

This follow-up note was posted soon after.

You wouldn't be afraid if you were doing it right. You work for the federal government not McDonald's. Anonymous passive aggressive notes help solve the problem! Keep leaving them right here! You are awesome and mature!

Adds our submitter: “As far as I know, no one has actually been fired or threatened with firing for not complying.” (Again, this is the federal government we’re talking about.)

related: Four approaches to ice-cube maintenance

extra credit: “The Audacity of Government” [thisamericanlife.org]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Colorado · Comic Sans Alert · fired · McDonalds · meta · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office · the government

To the victor goes the bile

January 17th, 2008 · 59 Comments

Ruben in Pregon works for an Apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iPhones don’t sell themselves, people! For that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.)

When Josh, the store’s very own Dwight Schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty much the way you’d expect.

to the victor goes the bileto the victor goes the bile (part 2)

The only person more universally reviled than the office suckup? the new guy, of course.

Says Ruben: “Most of us are real sticklers for keeping track of new product, but recently we brought on this new guy, Victor, and he hasn’t been doing too well.” Ruben came into work one day to find this MacBook battery on one of the tech benches, along with these notes that explain the entire story in just nine words. (And three question marks.)

to the victor goes the bile

Ruben says this pwnage became less hilarious when Victor actually did end up getting fired. “Awwkard!”

related: Your last day of work was yesterday

Tags: confusion??? · fired · group bitchfest · office · Oregon · retail hell · whiteboard

Your last day of work was yesterday

May 26th, 2007 · 19 Comments

I’m all, “whoa, they left him a note instead of telling him face-to-face?” and Scott’s like, “Yep, I guess probably because the night operator was a pretty big dude.”

Way harsh!

How’s that for way harsh? The numbered list at the end is my favorite part.

Tags: fired · now that's management · office