Entries Tagged as 'food'

So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 6 Comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

Tags: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama

Candy rationing is now in place!

October 21st, 2014 · 38 Comments

Previously, our submitter says, bowls of candy sat in an area of the office most commonly populated by waiting customer and potential hires.

“Now, instead of candy, most of them get to see this note. It provides them with things to think about as they wait, such as: How many Jolly Ranchers, Starlight Mints, and other candies which are neither chocolate nor caramel may one take from each bowl?”

STOP and READ!  Attention Candy Lovers!  Due to the sudden interest in candy the FCA has asked me to start RESTRICTING the amount of candy we consume daily. Candy will only be available between 1:00pm-3:00pm Monday-Friday!  Only take one piece of caramel or chocolate candy from each bowl if necessary!  Thank you for your cooperation!

recently: More office candy bowl drama

Tags: candy · office · office cop

You dirty rat, you killed my childhood

September 21st, 2014 · 92 Comments

Sue in Northbrook, Illinois says that some 10 months after tricking her 6-year-old daughter with Jimmy Kimmel’s “I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candy” challenge, little Mia remembered the prank and, with a renewed sense of outrage, stormed off to express her anger in note form.

Mia’s mom notes that she’s normally referred to as “Mommy” by her daughter (and by her friends as “Sue”), so she knew she was in trouble when she saw this missive addressed to “Susan.”

Cupcakes are sweet like Mia. The ground is dirty like Susan. Why did you play the jolk [sic]

related: The Parent Tax

Tags: candy · Chicago · Halloween · kids · Mother-daughter notes

A warning from the diet police

September 8th, 2014 · 92 Comments

Abby spotted this dubious bit of dietary advice at her local supermarket in Catonsville, Maryland.

1 egg has more cholesterol than Big Mac. Try a fruit salad.

Adds Abby: “Maybe whoever wrote this should spend all the free time they have (obviously a lot) researching the nutritional value of eggs (protein) vs. fruit (carbs).”

related: The anti-milk militia

Tags: food · Maryland · unsolicited feedback

Let’s split!

August 19th, 2014 · 31 Comments

Up next, on Bananas with Low Self-Esteem

Up next, on Bananas with Low Self-Esteem...

 

And on the inside…

sad banana

Seriously, what are you waiting for?

Let's split!

 

(Thanks to Josh in Vancouver and John in NYC for submitting!)

related: Yes, we have no inflatable bananas

Tags: bananas · office

Stand down, wedding guests

July 17th, 2014 · 111 Comments

Spotted at a wedding in Texas. Says our submitter, “The food was BBQ. The DJ never made the announcement for seconds.”

Stand down, wedding guests

 

related: The bride will be accepting gifts

Tags: food · Texas · weddings and bridezillas

Cookie Trolls

May 14th, 2014 · 36 Comments

Look out Keebler Elves, cookies have a new mascot… in Poland anyway, where Karolina spotted this note warning her and her fellow coworkers not to indulge in any mid-shift snacking.

Please do not eat cookies. They're for guests only!

Arguably a bit severe, but hey, as Kristie from San Antonio let us know, when you say it with a cookie, you speak from the heart.

Fuck you Dan!!

Related: “Too many”

Tags: food · office

Scapegoat of the Sea

May 12th, 2014 · 35 Comments

Joanna in Boston says this started with “have a blessed day,” and has continued to escalate from there.

Please wash sink when you dump food, especially tuna fish. It reeks. HAVE A BLESSED DAY! Three most wanted tuna offenders. I feel discriminated against. I have good taste. Please note: Mary did not write this note. Mary is not passive-aggressive.  -Mary

related: Fish cookies, anyone?

Tags: Boston · fish · office · public shaming · rebuttals

Microwave Business: A Story of Teamwork

April 21st, 2014 · 81 Comments

Writes our submitter in Washington, DC: “In my time at my job, the only real evacuations we’ve had are for the Virginia Earthquake, and, now, a microwave popcorn incident. While another floor was responsible, multiple members of my department took this as an opportunity to make statements about the frequent state of our very own sad microwave. I think this is a fine example of how a committed team can work together to create a masterpiece.”

Oh my, the popcorn fire photo of shame!

(just click the photo above to enlarge)

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: D.C. · microwave · popcorn · that's a fire hazard

You may work here, but you’re not my mother.

April 14th, 2014 · 106 Comments

Pam works at an accounting firm in St. Louis, where, around tax time, it’s not unusual for people to pack all three meals. How did you think Joan’s vigilante food-safety policing went over?

Missing: Three All Beef Hot Dogs

related: A bitter butter battle

Tags: food · non-apology apology · office · St. Louis