Entries Tagged as 'food'
As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.
While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.
(click the image below to enlarge)
The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”
related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · food · office · pleasantries as afterthought
writes our anonymous submitter in Cleveland: “My roommate Mike is usually a generous guy, but he’s very possessive of his coffee, beef jerky, and other certain food indulgences. This note was sort of touching; he didn’t want to share, made that clear, but then decided he probably should — not for me though, but for his waistline. What a sweetheart!”
related: you’re not wrong, walter
Tags: Cleveland · food · sharing is caring
Office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.
The “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:
And — I shit you not — the response:
related: lean cuisine
Tags: all-staff e-mail · Columbus · food · office fridge · oh snap
Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.
Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.
related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving
Tags: anthropomorphism · California · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fish · restaurant
This good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!
(click the image below to enlarge)
related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · God · guilt trip · ice cream · schools & teachers · stealing · you're like so going to hell
First up: Ami in London spots the fallout over what we can only assume was an onslaught of hungry breakfast bandits.
Yup, we’ve got those in the States, too…as Molly noticed at a grocery store in Ohio.
Adds Molly: “Why anyone would want to take a single slice of bacon out of a box I can’t really say, but if they needed to post three notes it must have been a pressing issue.” (Um, maybe she needed a replacement underwire?) But perhaps she should have checked the lost & found first…
Meanwhile, this Post-it (from a Mom in Florida) and its subsequent responses (from her punctuation-conscious, pork-loving children) bring to mind the oh-so-creepy phenomenon that is thoroughly documented on the stellar blog Suicide food.
This note appears to have been written by an actual pig (at least the Orwellian kind), but it appears instead to have been penned by the young son of submitter Irsh, of the aptly named blog Daily Piglet. Irsh says she found this note taped to the laundry room door when she got home later after her son had already gone to bed. “I’m not sure why he thought I was going to eat the bacon,” she says, “but I have to admit the idea of him not talking to me was briefly appealing.”
Happy Rosh Hashanah, everyone!
related: p.s. bacon is life
extra credit: “bacon bandit arrested”; suicidefood
Tags: bacon · kids · Moms & Dads · stealing
September 15th, 2009 · 99 Comments
Back in my college newspaper days, the pizzas in the back room always ended up, by the end of the night, completely decimated — some slices had the cheese picked off, others had the crusts nibbled away, and then those slices were oh-so-charitably left in the pizza box, presumably with the idea that some other, slightly more desperate slob would come by later and feast on the picked-over remains. That behavior, it seems, doesn’t stop with graduation.
Exhibit a) from Chris in New York
Exhibit b) from Nate in D.C.
exhibit c) from Jason in Los Angeles
exhibit d) from Chloe in Vancouver
exhibit e) from Therese in Seattle
related: The bathroom stall booger epidemic
Tags: food · kitchen · muffins · office · pizza · thanks (but not really)
This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.
“This bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”
related: ABP on the V8
Tags: Denver · food · have a nice day · message to all intended for one · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · smiley
This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?
Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.
related: and yet…the pink flowers?
Tags: candy · God · irregular capitalization · New York · office · stealing · WTF? · You call that punctuation?
This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)
It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”
related: It must have been a pretty big bite
extra credit: STFU, Parents
Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt