Entries Tagged as 'food'

Honey bunches of “hands off!”

January 13th, 2010 · 111 Comments

“My stepsister, Grace, kept ripping the tab off the cereal box every time she tried to close it,” writes Danielle in Michigan. “My mom got very frustrated and taped this note to the top of the box” — an act I’m sure only helped to strengthen to bond of the stepmom/stepdaughter relationship.

Grace:  Since you are not capable of properly closing a cereal box, please pick another selection for breakfast (yogurt, breakfast bar, fruit) until further notice. [Stepmom]

Wouldn’t you love to hear Grace’s side of the story?

related: cereal killer

Tags: cereal · food · Michigan · Moms & Dads

Let the rest of us eat cake.

January 12th, 2010 · 190 Comments

“My roommate in college was allergic to everything,” says Casey in Watsonville, California — and she talked about it ad nauseam. “For her birthday sophomore year, we went to buy her a cake but of course she was allergic to everything good. So in the end, I just got a cake I liked and we bought her some crappy vegan thing that wouldn’t make her break out.”

Sorry you can't eat this! Happy Birthday Kim

(The cake, Casey says, was “delicious.”)

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

extra credit: CakeWrecks.com

Tags: birthday · cake · mean girls · non-apology apology · roommates

Kitchen vigilantes

January 11th, 2010 · 94 Comments

Vaguely fishy notes like this one from Toronto are pretty common around office kitchens…

No fish or fish related products in the microwave

…but I’ve never seen a note that gets right to the point quite like this one from Amber in San Francisco.

SPECIALLY THE MEXICAN

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: fish · kitchen · microwave · odor · office

Kanye interrupts this note

December 28th, 2009 · 117 Comments

I was really hoping this would die before I’d get around to posting about it, but more than four months later, it appears the  “Imma Let You Finish” meme is still chuggin’ along. I’m gonna chalk it up to end-of-the-year insta-nostalgia and, well, let it finish.

Yo dude that stole my lunch I'm real happy for you, I'mma let you finish but the Hamburgler is one of the best food thief of all time...of all time!!!

Kanye interrupts this note

Yo, Cheese Thief! I'm happy for you and Imma let you finish but the Hamburgler was the best food thief of all time!

P.S. Speaking of Tillamook cheddar, Doug Fir in Portland makes the best mac & cheese OF ALL TIME!

related: Somebody’s on Team Taylor Swift

Tags: cheese · dishes · fridge · shameless meme-mongering

The half-donut bandit

October 28th, 2009 · 203 Comments

As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.

While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.

(click the image below to enlarge)

passivaggressivenotes.com:

The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”

related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · food · office · pleasantries as afterthought

Thanks…I guess?

October 22nd, 2009 · 176 Comments

writes our anonymous submitter in Cleveland: “My roommate Mike is usually a generous guy, but he’s very possessive of his coffee, beef jerky, and other certain food indulgences. This note was sort of touching; he didn’t want to share, made that clear, but then decided he probably should — not for me though, but for his waistline.  What a sweetheart!”

passiveaggressivenotes.com: Thanks...I guess?

related: you’re not wrong, walter

Tags: Cleveland · food · sharing is caring

There’s a Nigerian prince I can put you in touch with for more information…

October 9th, 2009 · 156 Comments

Office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

The “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

And — I shit you not — the response:

office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

related: lean cuisine

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Columbus · food · office fridge · oh snap

The Patty Hearst of fish

October 7th, 2009 · 164 Comments

Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.

Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess  — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of  the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.

Hi! My name is Rufus (or Rufina) I am 32 years old! I have been in this tank my whole life and I LOVE it here! Please don't say I need a bigger tank, it just makes me feel FAT! (I can't afford therapy!) I am fine really!!!!

passiveaggressivenotes.com: help, my fish has stockholm syndrome!

related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fish · restaurant

Sympathy for the Devil

October 4th, 2009 · 146 Comments

This good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!

(click the image below to enlarge)

Turns out she was a vampire herself

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · God · guilt trip · ice cream · schools & teachers · stealing · you're like so going to hell

Another wacky round of “steal the bacon”

September 19th, 2009 · 109 Comments

First up: Ami in London spots the fallout over what we can only assume was an onslaught of hungry breakfast bandits.

Due to high levels of theft, we have to take bacon, cheese and sausages off sale. If you require a certain item a member of staff will get it for you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yup, we’ve got those in the States, too…as Molly noticed at a grocery store in Ohio.

PLEASE DO NOT OPEN THE BOXES OF BACON!

Adds Molly: “Why anyone would want to take a single slice of bacon out of a box I can’t really say, but if they needed to post three notes it must have been a pressing issue.” (Um, maybe she needed a replacement underwire?) But perhaps she should have checked the lost & found first…

Is this your bacon?

Meanwhile, this Post-it (from a Mom in Florida) and its subsequent responses (from her punctuation-conscious, pork-loving children) bring to mind the oh-so-creepy phenomenon that is thoroughly documented on the stellar blog Suicide food.

Pigs do not eat bacon. Lies! They are Cannibals!

This note appears to have been written by an actual pig (at least the Orwellian kind), but it appears instead to have been penned by the young son of submitter Irsh, of the aptly named blog Daily Piglet. Irsh says she found this note taped to the laundry room door when she got home later after her son had already gone to bed. “I’m not sure why he thought I was going to eat the bacon,” she says, “but I have to admit the idea of him not talking to me was briefly appealing.”

Mom Do! Not! eat one peace [sic] of baken [sic] or I not talk to you

Happy Rosh Hashanah, everyone!

related: p.s. bacon is life
extra credit: “bacon bandit arrested”suicidefood

Tags: bacon · kids · Moms & Dads · stealing