Entries Tagged as 'food'

Especially Deborah

August 17th, 2008 · 215 Comments

As this sign from a Montgomery, Alabama breakroom shows, “PopCorn Users” remain one of the most persecuted groups in the workplace today.

Microwave PopCorn Users (Especially — Deborah) Do Not Burn PopCorn Do Not Leave PopCorn Unattended Stay Here While popcorn cooks

related: Bizarre pardoning accident

Tags: Alabama · bold-underlined-caps · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · high on highlighter · irregular capitalization · microwave · Montgomery · most popular notes of 2008 · office · popcorn

Massive canine infestation

August 5th, 2008 · 217 Comments

Tom from Cambridge, England spotted this notice posted in “the tiniest little toilet in my college hall” — so tiny, he says, there’s “barely enough room to fit a dog in there if you tried.” (But a few raw steaks? Perhaps!)

Due to massive canine infestation we must ask you to please not leave any uncovered food out in this bathroom. Thank you Housekeeping

(Massive Canine Infestation: sharing the stage with The Light Brown Apple Moth Debacle at a Warped Tour show near you!)

related: So many questions

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · college life · food · fun with malapropisms · Say wha? · toilet · U.K. · vermin · WTF?

Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

May 19th, 2008 · 111 Comments

Our anonymous submitter spotted these notes in the shared kitchen of a “professional building” — one our submitter says is full of shrinks. Perhaps one of them could deduce whether “i.e. me” fits the DSM’s criteria for a diagnosis…or whether she’s just having a little trouble with her Latin.

i.e., me

related: eau dear
extra credit: “food odors at work” [chowhound.com]

Tags: casual xenophobia · food · Freudian shit · i.e. or e.g. it's all greek -- or is it latin? -- to me · odor · office fridge · oh snap

Maybe it’s time for Sally Struthers to get involved

May 14th, 2008 · 140 Comments

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Taking food is a penal code violation and we have reported these thefts to the cops.

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Berkeley · California · college life · food · fridge · kitchen · preggers · stealing · the homeless · warning

Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong.

April 25th, 2008 · 117 Comments

Heather says this pizzeria in Victoria, B.C. has been confounding customers with its customer service “policy” for as long as she can remember. (Which I guess means…it’s working?)

Our customers are very important to us - as important as water is to life. Please remember that nobody likes bad water.

related: ps bacon is life

Tags: "customer service" · Canada · mixed metaphors · pizza · restaurant

Grimace and the fry kids

April 23rd, 2008 · 124 Comments

The school in Los Angeles where Anna works is under renovation, so a lot of the kids cut through the library on their way to and from the cafeteria. Recently, one of these fine young scholars spilled an entire basket of fries…and kept walking. One of Anna’s coworkers picked them up, but he missed one. another coworker posted this note.

Please note the offending French fry on the carpet in the library. Situations like this, people, are why we make you go around the library when you have food or drink.

The amazing thing, Anna says, is that the sign actually worked. “The student came in, took responsibility and even apologized.” Happy meals all around!

related: No sarcasm left behind
extra credit: The real Grimace [youtube]

Tags: fed-up librarian · food · kids today · library · McDonalds

And please don’t step on any cracks, either

April 16th, 2008 · 126 Comments

After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.

The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”

PLEASE DO NOT EAT IN THE HOUSE THANKS MOM

“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought

…and the even higher risk of your ass growing too large for you to safely dislodge your head

April 7th, 2008 · 55 Comments

Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!

It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?

We have eggs; we have mayo; Why then NO EGG SALAD? Please don't force me to contact The Post's PAGE SIX!!

related: like a rotten sponge

Tags: "customer service" · "too inside fucking baseball" · excessive underlining · food · New York · not-so-veiled threats · office

Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 125 Comments

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent.  Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Vince. Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards. Take your cardboards out of the oven! -Tristan

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!

related: must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · Montreal · oven · pizza · preggers · smiley · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police

And my beef sandwich and my yogurt

February 28th, 2008 · 82 Comments

Spotted by Sarah in Minneapolis…

related: take out of box, place directly in toilet

Tags: "helpful" advice · food · FYI · Minneapolis/St. Paul · office fridge