Entries Tagged as 'food'

Grimace and the fry kids

April 23rd, 2008 · 124 Comments

The school in Los Angeles where Anna works is under renovation, so a lot of the kids cut through the library on their way to and from the cafeteria. Recently, one of these fine young scholars spilled an entire basket of fries…and kept walking. One of Anna’s coworkers picked them up, but he missed one. another coworker posted this note.

Please note the offending French fry on the carpet in the library. Situations like this, people, are why we make you go around the library when you have food or drink.

The amazing thing, Anna says, is that the sign actually worked. “The student came in, took responsibility and even apologized.” Happy meals all around!

related: No sarcasm left behind
extra credit: The real Grimace [youtube]

Tags: fed-up librarian · food · kids today · library · McDonalds

And please don’t step on any cracks, either

April 16th, 2008 · 126 Comments

After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.

The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”

PLEASE DO NOT EAT IN THE HOUSE THANKS MOM

“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought

…and the even higher risk of your ass growing too large for you to safely dislodge your head

April 7th, 2008 · 55 Comments

Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!

It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?

We have eggs; we have mayo; Why then NO EGG SALAD? Please don't force me to contact The Post's PAGE SIX!!

related: like a rotten sponge

Tags: "customer service" · "too inside fucking baseball" · excessive underlining · food · New York · not-so-veiled threats · office

Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 125 Comments

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent.  Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Vince. Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards. Take your cardboards out of the oven! -Tristan

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!

related: must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · Montreal · oven · pizza · preggers · smiley · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police

And my beef sandwich and my yogurt

February 28th, 2008 · 82 Comments

Spotted by Sarah in Minneapolis…

related: take out of box, place directly in toilet

Tags: "helpful" advice · food · FYI · Minneapolis/St. Paul · office fridge

Eau dear

February 11th, 2008 · 96 Comments

This oh-so-subtle note was posted by Mary’s former boss, “a pathetic professor in a backwater institution” where 90% of the graduate students happened to be Korean, Japanese, or Chinese.

“Nevermind that he doused himself with great lashings of Brut in an attempt to jazz up the bald-up-top-ponytail-in-back look he had going on,” Mary says. “There were a lot of things I could have said to him on a post-it, but I decided to be the big kid and quit.” Luckily for us, she swiped this note off the breakroom microwave first.

NO FISH. Is this subtle enough?

Interestingly, it seems fish-hating office workers elsewhere also share an affinity for clip art.

No fish in the microwave

When Heating Fish In the Microwave

Spongebob takes a stand

related: No smelly foods

Tags: a little insensitive · a matter of taste · clip art catastrophe · college life · excessive capitalization · fish · microwave · odor · office · spelling and grammar police

Through a glass bowl, darkly

February 9th, 2008 · 53 Comments

Cate in Columbus went out of town for a night, and sadly, her absence was enough to provoke her betta fish (Pope Shaivo the Third) to jump out of his bowl and end it all. Meanwhile,Cate says her roommates, apparently unwise to the suicidal tendencies of bettas, “thought I had placed it on my desk and just left it there!”

Cate (fish killer),  We would really appreciate it if you would get your dead fish off the desk + give it a proper burial. Your roommates!

related: Those hamsters were shivering, not dancing

Tags: Columbus · fish · roommates

Paul Newman: the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

January 27th, 2008 · 86 Comments

This fridge saga (from a Boston-area university lab building) comes to us with a confession on the part of the anonymous submitter: she started it, sort of.

It all began when she discovered that her salad dressing had been mysteriously disposed of. Sad that she had to eat dry lettuce for lunch, she left a note (1) for the black hand responsible “in the least bitchy way I knew how.” She didn’t realize that her soundoff was actually a declaration of war.

There was a warning note for 1 week before it was cleaned.

Adds our submitter: “Needless to say, I think we have all been spending a little too much time in the lab.”

related: Great, your OCD just caused a diabetic coma. Happy?

Tags: college life · food · fridge · lab rats · Massachusetts · saga · whiteboard

So much for turning the other cheek

December 13th, 2007 · 140 Comments

Thanks to Sarah for capturing this delicious little slice of life from her Christian college in Illinois. (Delicious like a quart of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge, not one measly little low-fat Frappucino bar.)

Dear Sinner, I specifically wrote on the box of Starbuck's Frappucino bars Don't Touch! But did that stop you. No instead you took the liberty of taking my last one!

related: but He took the wheel

Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · excessive underlining · heart · ice cream · Illinois · irregular capitalization · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police · touching · You call that punctuation? · you're like so going to hell

Get your own :)

December 9th, 2007 · 82 Comments

Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)

get your own :)

(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)

related: you left evidence

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley