Entries Tagged as 'food'

Eau dear

February 11th, 2008 · 96 Comments

This oh-so-subtle note was posted by Mary’s former boss, “a pathetic professor in a backwater institution” where 90% of the graduate students happened to be Korean, Japanese, or Chinese.

“Nevermind that he doused himself with great lashings of Brut in an attempt to jazz up the bald-up-top-ponytail-in-back look he had going on,” Mary says. “There were a lot of things I could have said to him on a post-it, but I decided to be the big kid and quit.” Luckily for us, she swiped this note off the breakroom microwave first.

NO FISH. Is this subtle enough?

Interestingly, it seems fish-hating office workers elsewhere also share an affinity for clip art.

No fish in the microwave

When Heating Fish In the Microwave

Spongebob takes a stand

related: No smelly foods

Tags: a little insensitive · a matter of taste · clip art catastrophe · college life · excessive capitalization · fish · microwave · odor · office · spelling and grammar police

Through a glass bowl, darkly

February 9th, 2008 · 53 Comments

Cate in Columbus went out of town for a night, and sadly, her absence was enough to provoke her betta fish (Pope Shaivo the Third) to jump out of his bowl and end it all. Meanwhile,Cate says her roommates, apparently unwise to the suicidal tendencies of bettas, “thought I had placed it on my desk and just left it there!”

Cate (fish killer),  We would really appreciate it if you would get your dead fish off the desk + give it a proper burial. Your roommates!

related: Those hamsters were shivering, not dancing

Tags: Columbus · fish · roommates

Paul Newman: the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

January 27th, 2008 · 86 Comments

This fridge saga (from a Boston-area university lab building) comes to us with a confession on the part of the anonymous submitter: she started it, sort of.

It all began when she discovered that her salad dressing had been mysteriously disposed of. Sad that she had to eat dry lettuce for lunch, she left a note (1) for the black hand responsible “in the least bitchy way I knew how.” She didn’t realize that her soundoff was actually a declaration of war.

There was a warning note for 1 week before it was cleaned.

Adds our submitter: “Needless to say, I think we have all been spending a little too much time in the lab.”

related: Great, your OCD just caused a diabetic coma. Happy?

Tags: college life · food · fridge · lab rats · Massachusetts · saga · whiteboard

So much for turning the other cheek

December 13th, 2007 · 140 Comments

Thanks to Sarah for capturing this delicious little slice of life from her Christian college in Illinois. (Delicious like a quart of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge, not one measly little low-fat Frappucino bar.)

Dear Sinner, I specifically wrote on the box of Starbuck's Frappucino bars Don't Touch! But did that stop you. No instead you took the liberty of taking my last one!

related: but He took the wheel

Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · excessive underlining · heart · ice cream · Illinois · irregular capitalization · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police · touching · You call that punctuation? · you're like so going to hell

Get your own :)

December 9th, 2007 · 82 Comments

Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)

get your own :)

(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)

related: you left evidence

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley

It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 Comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia

It’s not food, mister — it’s ice cream!

November 29th, 2007 · 100 Comments

Tourist traps have the best signs. More proof? This exercise in subtlety is from Provincetown, Mass., where it was spotted by intrepid vacationer Teresa from Boise.

Ice cream: apparently no longer a food

Exhibit b) is from Washington, D.C., in a store Sam says sold “all sorts of crap, from Nixon and Michael Jackson pins to African drums and sweaters.”

No Food No Drink No Smoking No Ice Cream

And in Las Vegas, even “the ice cream of the future” doesn’t get a special exemption.

But...it's the ice cream of the future!

Tags: beverages · blitzkrieg approach · Cape Cod · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · food · ice cream · Massachusetts · questionable logic · smoking · tourists

Who are you calling OCD?

November 8th, 2007 · 147 Comments

This just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. As one anonymous New Yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

To the person who took it upon themselves to clean out the 12th floor fridge: Thank you so much for your initiative!

(Thank you kindly? Best wishes? Hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

Tags: cleaning · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · guilt trip · ital overkill · New York · office fridge · questionable logic · rhetorical question · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)

The Jake Issues

November 5th, 2007 · 186 Comments

Says our anonymous contributor from Los Angeles: “This is page three (!) of a three-page letter of complaints from my wife’s (ex) office manager to the heads of the company.” Apparently one of her co-workers, Jake, merited his own page. (No word on how this went over with the bosses.)

1. Jake needs to do something about his flatulence problem - this is a constant issue, which he thinks is funny - and burning matches does not solve the problem. A slip once in a while is forgivable, but this is just rude and disgusting. 2. Jake need stop using the speakerphone when I'm at my desk - dialing a number is one thing, entire conversation is another. 3. Jake should also be mindful of his speaking volume while he's on the phone. While on his phone, he can be heard at [redacted's] desk as if he's standing right next to you - that is too loud. Plus often he is standing over pacing at his desk while on the phone (or besides our desks when on his cell phone.) If he's sitting, the half wall at least helps to minimize a bit, but lowering his town on the whole would be best. desks when on his cell phone.) If he's sitting, the half wall at least helps to minimize a bit, but lowering his town on the whole would be best. Jake should be mindful that others partake of things in the office as well as him. One tea bag (or package of oatmeal) per cup not 2 or 3. If we have snacks, he should not eat everything until it is gone rather than allow things to remain available over the course of the day. Others may want to have the snack later, but usually if they wait, it won't be there because Jake's already eaten it. He should be embarrassed that he is known as the scavenger of the office.

Tags: bullet points · cell phone · flatulence · food · Los Angeles · loud talker · noise · oatmeal · office · tea · that's disgusting

No, that’s not the British spelling

September 24th, 2007 · 128 Comments

“You know when you drink so much that you can’t remember what you did the night before?” asks our anonymous Scottish pizza bandit. “Sometimes we’re lucky enough to encounter certain things which trigger memories of our alcohol-fueled rampage. I was lucky enough to come across this the next day.”

Dear pizza theif [sic], I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was so nice in fact I kept it in the fridge to enjoy. So it was to my surprise to find those slices missing the next day. My mum bought me that pizza — but I guess you must have been in dire hunger to eat my food. In that case, that's alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards. But I will still kill you. Craig.

Tags: fridge · guilt trip · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · roommates · sarcasm · Scotland · spelling and grammar police · stealing