From Netherlands, the “killing you with kindness” approach:
Entries Tagged as 'food'
June 28th, 2007 · 38 Comments
June 20th, 2007 · 33 Comments
Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”
Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:
If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
June 16th, 2007 · 137 Comments
The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.
Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”
June 13th, 2007 · 23 Comments
A booby-trapped soup — sans note — probably would have been the more effective (and more passive-aggressive) approach, but, um, to each his own?
If you’re wondering what OxyPowder is, allow Kenneth to explain.
June 9th, 2007 · 15 Comments
Vici lives in London with five flatmates — all guys.
related: cereal killer
June 4th, 2007 · 7 Comments
Oh, how I love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.
Thanks to submitter Kate in New York City — who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.
June 4th, 2007 · 38 Comments
What Would Jesus Steal?
(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)
related: Would Jesus steal jelly?
June 4th, 2007 · 23 Comments
After receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the University of Minnesota…
related: Meet the world’s crankiest roommate
Tags: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · college life · dishes · etiquette · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · kitchen · microwave · Minnesota · rebuttals · roommates · sponges
June 3rd, 2007 · 21 Comments
“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.
If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”
June 1st, 2007 · 17 Comments
re: “You left evidence”, Good Soul says:
In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.
Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:
Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish
The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.
re:“I spit in mine”, briggs says:
Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”