Entries Tagged as 'food'

Don’t be disturbed

June 28th, 2007 · 38 Comments

From Netherlands, the “killing you with kindness” approach:

Message for the roommates: I know you guys have a habit of eating my food. Please don't be disturbed by the little white box saying

Tags: food · Netherlands · stealing

Killer cookie dough

June 20th, 2007 · 33 Comments

Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

DO NOT EAT - if you do...you will DIE!! <3 Lacy

Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:

If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Love, Lacey

Tags: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing

The first thing I did when I woke up

June 16th, 2007 · 137 Comments

The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.

eating my outback bread

no excuses

Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”

Tags: bread · CAPS LOCK · Charlottesville · college life · e-mail · food · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · Virginia

Try a bite.

June 13th, 2007 · 23 Comments

A booby-trapped soup — sans note — probably would have been the more effective (and more passive-aggressive) approach, but, um, to each his own?

STOP eating my soup! I know who you are. I'm watching you. I mixed a little OxyPowder in my soup today. Care to find out what that is?? Try a bite.

If you’re wondering what OxyPowder is, allow Kenneth to explain.

Tags: excessive underlining · food · Houston · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · stealing

And the Coco-Pops weren’t even yours.

June 9th, 2007 · 15 Comments

Vici lives in London with five flatmates — all guys.

milkgit.jpg

(If you don’t have a house full of cereal-stealing warcraft players like vici and don’t get the “orly?” thing…wikipedia to the rescue!)

related: cereal killer

Tags: college life · food · London · rebuttals · roommates · shameless meme-mongering · stealing

The Eleventh Plague

June 4th, 2007 · 7 Comments

Oh, how I love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.

Will whoever took the entire box of Passover macaroons for him/herself...That box was meant to be for everyone! I brought it in for the office, not for one person. That is totally tacky. Bring it back.

Thanks to submitter Kate in New York City — who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.

Tags: all-staff e-mail · e-mail · etiquette · food · holiday spirit · office · stealing

There you go, bringing Him into it again

June 4th, 2007 · 38 Comments

What Would Jesus Steal?

Jesus doesn't steal Poptarts. NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

Jesus didn't steal hot wings & Pizza rolls Neither should you!! JJ + Destiny

This classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from children!

(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and  James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)

related: Would Jesus steal jelly?

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are

The Post-it Wars

June 4th, 2007 · 23 Comments

After receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the University of Minnesota…

Tips for keeping counters clean!

TIP: If you use the sponge, squeeze it out and put it on the side of the sink. It will last longer and not get stinky! Thanks

DISH ETIQUETTE:  1) Please soak pots & pans IMMEDIATELY after use.  2) Put dishes in dishwasher right after washing them out.   3) Place cleaned cookware on a towel next to the sink.  4) Rinse dishes right after use.  5) Be considerate!

…Lydia decided to add a few “tips” of her own. (The large signs on the oven and the microwave were already there.)

Roommate's revenge

related: Meet the world’s crankiest roommate

Tags: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · college life · dishes · etiquette · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · kitchen · microwave · Minnesota · rebuttals · roommates · sponges

Cereal killer

June 3rd, 2007 · 21 Comments

“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.

If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I'll kill you in your sleep.

If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”

Tags: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing

Commenter confessions: dealing with office thieves

June 1st, 2007 · 17 Comments

re: “You left evidence”, Good Soul says:

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.

Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

re: “I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign”, LQP says:

Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:

Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish

The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.

re:“I spit in mine”, briggs says:

Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”

 

Tags: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching