this just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. as one anonymous new yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

(thank you kindly? best wishes? hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

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says our anonymous contributor from los angeles: “this is page three (!) of a three-page letter of complaints from my wife’s (ex) office manager to the heads of the company.” apparently one of her coworkers, jake, merited his own page. (no word on how this went over with the bosses.)
click to enlarge!

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as this example from winston-salem, n.c. shows: hell hath no fury like a lactose-loving office worker.

the thief might be depending on the fridge’s contents as a source of food, but mercy? don’t count on it.

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the coast newspaper in halifax recently invited its readers to share their “passive-aggressive roommate tales.” (gee, what a great idea!)
my favorite part:

Excerpts from a 34-point note sent to a former roommate:
2. Your rent was always late and it was not paid in full.
4. You used the dishes and baking ware that we provided to you [...]

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meric spotted this sign in melbourne while going to the launderette a few doors down. the bizarre thing, says meric, is that it’s in a shop window. “i have no idea what kind of dastardly person would steal poor dave’s bananas but every time i walked past it i laughed so much a little bit [...]

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(thanks to frank in san francisco. )

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“apparently our growing satellite office has some food thieves,” says an anonymous submitter in ontario.

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justin in winston-salem, n.c. spotted this classic mom note on the fridge at his friends’ house — with a bonus roommate note, to boot!

says justin: “i love the magnet — not sure if it’s supposed to be a letter grade or not, but i prefer to think that it is. if they get an F, [...]

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an amazing one from brian in cleveland:

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(from matt in the netherlands)

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writes lauren in kansas: “my roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. we never touch each others food as is but i guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way.”

lauren adds: “inside the box? a ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

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those of you that side consistently with team passive-aggressive might enjoy this excerpt from ian urbina’s book, life’s little annoyances.
urbina’s thesis: “criticizing something for being passive-aggressive is like faulting a tactic for being discreet. just as there are times when subtlety is the worst approach, there are also times when passive aggression is the best.”
as [...]

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the third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part.

adds michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”
(sorry, michelle: i have to side with your roommate on this one.)

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if you’re wondering what oxypowder is, allow kenneth to explain.

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vici lives in london with five roommates — all guys.
(if you don’t have a house full of cereal-stealing warcraft players like vici and don’t get the “orly?” thing…wikipedia to the rescue!)
related: cereal killer 

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oh, how i love (totally tacky) reply-all e-mails.

thanks to kate in new york city, who says she has a whole inbox full of e-mails like this from the coworkers at her law firm.

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(from sarah’s AMAZING photo set, “notes on theft”, and from james in beaumont, texas.)

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after receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the university of minnesota…

lydia decided to add a few post-its of her own.

(the large signs on the oven and the microwave were already there.)

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the cap’n is saying, “ian: If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. love, dan.”
(”my roommate ian kept eating all the cereal i bought before i had a chance to have even a single bowl,” dan explains.)

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