“There has always been candy on the secretary’s desk at work,” writes Dennis in Louisiana, “but “someone recently moved in to the office who does not need to be eating any candy. I think the message here is pretty clear.”

related: This is a candy-optional office

Rob lives in a seaside town in the U.K. He and several other neighbo(u)rs recently received versions of this handwritten note, seemingly written by an ex-employee of a hot dog stall at a nearby fairground.

Writes Rob: “It’s not quite clear who the notewriter is or exactly what the problem is. Is it the hot dogs? It is the van? Is it the terrible grammar? It is the writer responsible for the ‘handling’ of the ‘disgusting’ food? Who is the mysterious friend who was ill for 3 weeks? What is it that people should ‘no’?”

related: Small-town swimming pool rules

The day before her birthday, Emily in Baton Rouge was lamenting the fact that her husband had never once surprised me with a cookie cake. (Hint, hint.)

The next day, her husband “surprised” her with what Emily called “quite possibly the best present I’ve ever received — not only hilarious, but delicious as well!”

Meanwhile, writes Chanisa in Danbury, Connecticut: “This is what my husband wrote on my birthday cake after I nagged him about it for a week.”

related: I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers

I can’t decide between the cheese and the soup. Who do you think deserves the prize?

related: What rhymes with putrid?

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Our submitter in Canada, who lives in a rooming house with a shared kitchen, laughed pretty hard upon finding this note. “It’s just so specific. So very specific.”

“P.S.,” our submitter adds: “I didn’t drop the noodles.”

related: Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

Seriously, Jay?

related: S is for Sibling Rivalry

Our submitter in New Zealand, if forced to make a wild guess, says this missive “is probably from the woman across the hallway who stood in the middle of the floor last week and asked loudly, three times, ‘Who took my peanut butter from the fridge? Who?’” and then slunk back to her desk muttering under her breath.”

related: A sticky situation

Now that Girl Scout cookie season has ended — here in Texas, anyway — shit’s starting to get real.

related: Killer cookie dough