Entries Tagged as 'food'

Welcome to the Jersey Shore

July 2nd, 2012 · 44 Comments

Molly said this ice cream shop on the Jersey Shore was filled with signs of the “You’re in New Jersey, bitch” variety, but this one was perhaps the most obnoxious of them all.

“As it turns out,” Molly says, “my imagination didn’t quite capture the essence of the Mocha Chocolate Crunch that I ordered. If I’d had a sample, I would have realized the nuttiness was just too much for my delicate palate.”

We do not offer sampling. However, if you do need to try something, we suggest you try imagining what that particular flavor would taste like.

related: It’s not food, it’s ice cream!

Tags: "customer service" · ice cream · New Jersey · tourists

Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

Tags: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

The Silent Treatment

June 8th, 2012 · 68 Comments

Tom’s daughter, Meg, was upset that her mother made her a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, so she wrote this note to inform her mom of her “punishment.”

Sorry Mom but you knew I do not like cheese I am not going to talk!

Meanwhile, in Salt Lake City, six-year-old Elizabeth tried a similar approach. Her parents were so amused they’ve held on the note for decades since then.

I have taped my mouth shut so I won't have a crying fit. I hope you're happy I really do mom and dad

When I have kids, I really hope I can manipulate them into this sort of thinking…

related: Buckets of my Tears

Tags: cheese · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012

Flowcharts for a positive apartment-sharing experience

June 5th, 2012 · 56 Comments

Four roommates, a half-gallon of stolen ice cream, and 9 months worth of unflushed toilets went into the making of these two flowcharts.

Refrigerator flowchart

Bathroom Flow Chart: for a positive lavatory experience!

related: Hover & Flow(chart)

Tags: battle of the sexes · flow chart · food · fridge · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · roommates · toilet

The Hunger (Mind) Games

March 25th, 2012 · 85 Comments

…because if there’s one thing you can do to help the starving children of Africa, it’s to eat a cupcake. (Sigh.)

That said, nobody wants the damn thing after you’ve taken a bite out of it. Don’t try to assuage your guilt/food issues by telling yourself that someone else will eat it.

Who can't finish a mini cupcake?! There are starving children in Africa you know. Signed,  Someone who doesn't like to see dessert wasted. :(

related: The Nibbler — the plague of office breakrooms everywhere

extra credit: Charity Navigator’s top-rated charities providing aid to victims of famine and drought in Africa

Tags: Arizona · cake · guilt trip · office · sad face · Tucson

An open letter to the person who ate my yogurt

March 19th, 2012 · 128 Comments

Well done, Andy.

To the person that ate my Strawberry Chobani yogurt: MMMM, nom nom nom, it was probably pretty good, right? I specifically knew you'd like that flavor. I put it in the Ziploc bag for you on purpose so if it leaked in your backpack it wouldn't make a mess. I put it in the crisper drawer for you so it wouldn't get crushed, or, god forbid, somebody else see it and then snag it for a snag. You'd be so hungry if that happened. Greek yogurt is just delish, isn't it?

related: Yogurt thieves!

Tags: fridge · most popular notes of 2012 · sarcasm · TL;DR · yogurt

Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 Comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

This is a hereby declared a gluten-free breakroom!

February 27th, 2012 · 64 Comments

Heidi says what started off as a simple request turned into a whiteboard snark-off at the natural foods store where she works in (where else?) Portland.

Can we get a bagel slicer for the breakroom, please? i.e. a knife? bagels are bad for you eat your green beans instead.

[FIXED]

Put a bird on it!

related: Your punishment for forgetting your reusable bags

extra credit: Day in the Life of a Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Store Clerk [mcsweeneys.net]

Tags: food · Oregon · Portland · unsolicited feedback

The milk chocolate…not in your hand

February 12th, 2012 · 32 Comments

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

My Peanut M&Ms got stuck, so I'd either like my 80 cents back or my peanut M&Ms. Thanks! Deanna Response: I GOT 2 PEANUT M&Ms FOR THE PRICE OF 1! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEDNESDAY!

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: candy · Chicago · smartass · vending machine drama

Wanted: Justice, with a side of fries.

February 2nd, 2012 · 65 Comments

A few days ago, says our submitter in Louisiana, a co-worker left her meal on the lunchroom table while she went to the restroom. When she came back, she discovered that some brazen mo-fo had jacked her sandwich, leaving the empty bag behind.

“Being from the Creative Marketing department,” our submitter says, “she decided to fight back against the food thief with this.”

Wanted: Justice. With a Side of Fries.

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

extra credit: Crime Scene Sandwich Bags

Tags: Baton Rouge · food · stealing