Entries Tagged as 'food'

Cupcakes make people [fill in the blank]

August 31st, 2011 · 85 Comments

Well, lookie here: this office in Florida has a “Jeff” of their own!

related: A citation from the fat policeSprinkles are for cupcakes

Tags: cake · food · hey fatty · office · questionable logic

I pita the fool

August 17th, 2011 · 86 Comments

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

This is a dip; it should be accompanied by another piece of food such as a pita chip, pita bread, etc. Not to be eaten with just a spoon.

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

related: The most inane thing since sliced bread

Tags: "helpful" advice · a matter of taste · Father-son notes · food · fridge · Massachusetts

A citation from the fat police

August 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!

Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff

related: Loose lips shrink hips

Tags: "helpful" advice · Alabama · e-mail · food · hey fatty · office · office cop

Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 Comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley

See, this is why people hate vegans.

July 6th, 2011 · 788 Comments

“When I moved in a year ago, my roommate was an ovo-lacto vegetarian, whereas I was (and still am) an omnivore,” explains our submitter in Brooklyn. “She used to not care about my eating habits, but about four months ago she decided to become a full-blown vegan and has been insufferable since then. Yesterday I went food shopping for myself, and when I came back from work today I found this letter on my bedside table.”

(Yeah, the writing is a little hard to read — just wait for the page to load completely, and then click the images below to enlarge.)

I have to be blunt with you.

Why do you buy SO MUCH meat?

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

Tags: and that's an order · Brooklyn · food · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · self-righteous vegans · TL;DR · unsolicited feedback

How to respectfully steal my food

June 15th, 2011 · 30 Comments

Compared to the notes we usually see about food theft, Steven seems like a pretty reasonable guy. But isn’t “respectful stealing” still something of an oxymoron?

Right.. So.. Eat my bread? Fine. Rather it not get moldy but put it back in the right spot. But to the dumbass who ate my jam: You are an asshat. You left the jam open with no lid and left white fluffy shit around the edges. Then put it back. Who did you think was going to eat jam with fluffy shit in it? So yeah. Next time you want to steal food be respectful and steal so food doesn't go to waste. I hate that. —Steven

recent: That Outback bread was…

Tags: bread · food · roommates · Seattle · stealing · that's disrespectful

Your guardian angel just wants you to get ‘bikini ready’

May 26th, 2011 · 56 Comments

In this episode of targeted advertising gone awry, Jill in Nashville went the grocery store and bought a bag of chocolate chips (“to make cookies for work”) and one pint of Ben & Jerry’s (“just one, mind you!”)

If Jill sounds a little defensive, that’s probably because  — thanks to some disarmingly deadpan algorithms — she received this perky little coupon along with her receipt.

Slim-Fast! Kick start your diet!

Meanwhile, a submitter in Ohio was about to reach for the Cherry Garcia — but stopped short when she spotted this “sign from above.”

I think we both know you don't need this, brochacho.

related: Are you calling me fat?

Tags: bad sales pitch · food · hey fatty · ice cream · Nashville · Ohio

Are you ready for your Rapture party?

May 20th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Whoever eat [sic] my pizza today....remember Rapture is coming tomorrow!!!!

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

This machine is out of service. Ordinarily, we would have called for technical support. However, given the impending end of the world, we felt that was unnecessary. If the world is still here on Monday, technical support will be called then.

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

Every time you leave the soap in the sink Richard Dawkins prays to Jesus...

related: Remember, God is watching you!

Tags: bathroom · coffee · D.C. · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · Kansas City · North Carolina · pizza · roommates · soap · stealing · washing your hands

Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

May 18th, 2011 · 59 Comments

How long will your slob of a flatmate neglect her fallen french fry on the filthy carpet of your shared living space?

Well, if your flatmate is Bex in Stoke, England…long enough for it to be transformed into a small art installation, apparently.

Hi Bex I'm your floor chip I miss you XXX

EAT ME

related: Grimace and the fry kids

Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · food · roommates · U.K.

A recipe for your Royal Wedding-crazed roomies

April 28th, 2011 · 38 Comments

Coverage starts at 4 a.m. EST, but there’s no need for early-morning fanfare. Just pop this in the oven Thursday night and leave it on the counter. Goes great with cucumber sandwiches!

Sugar & Spice Cake

And yes, those are raisins. You might call it “The American Take on Spotted Dick.” (You could also call it several other more punning names, but my, wouldn’t that be vulgar!)

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

Tags: cake