Entries Tagged as 'food'

Thank you for your “constructive criticism”

April 19th, 2011 · 38 Comments

When it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed while leaving a dining hall at the University of Denver, it takes a skilled passive-aggressive to turn a totally neutral, boilerplate response into an obvious “up yours” without so much as an exclamation point.

COMMENT: "Stop serving shitty cheap food, I got sick of it a year ago!" RESPONSE: "Thank you for your constructive criticism and your suggestions on how to improve our operation! -Nelson Dining Team."

related: The Great Egg Salad Ban of ’08 at the Conde Nast cafeteria

extra credit: College Cafeterias Get Bad Grades from the Health Dept. [nytimes.com]

Tags: "helpful" advice · college life · Denver · food · thanks (but not really)

The Accidental Communist

April 18th, 2011 · 78 Comments

“The crayon note showed up about two months before the response,” says Monica at Goucher College, “but both have been a source of great entertainment.”

Goucher College is a COMMUNITY. In communities we share. We do not steal other people's things like corporate America. Share share, that's fair. Go watch an episode on Barney, learn some manners, AND STOP STEALING!

related: Comrades, take notice!

extra credit: A lesson from Barney! **********

Tags: a little patronizing · Baltimore · college life · food · questionable logic · rebuttals · sharing is caring · stealing

On the next episodes of Hoarders…

April 6th, 2011 · 44 Comments

Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.

(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.

Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.

1. Please do NOT take these dinners. Thanks. 2. Why not! You don't seem to use them. 3. Don't worry the last time I stole them they SUCKED!

related: Please remove the rabbit carcasses from this freezer

Tags: Colorado · food · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing

We will not stand for this crap.

February 16th, 2011 · 31 Comments

Nope, the note below isn’t from a old folks home: it’s actually from a music camp for the young’uns.

So, is the writer taking liberties using the royal we? Or is the entire woodwind section really so backed up that prune juice has become a hot commodity? These are questions I’d rather not think about.

Please do not eat. We are really constipated & we really need to eat this. Do not eat.

On that note, when you complain about your missing Activia — the yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis euphemistically claims will “regulate your digestive system” — referring to said yogurt as “ma shit” may not be the best choice of words to get your point across.

I would appreciate if you fuckin stop taking my stuff. Whoever took my Activia if I find you I will kick the shit out of you. I am a student just like you with no money! So please STOP TAKING MA SHIT

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

extra credit: Activia Won’t Cure your Constipation, says FTC [cbsnews.com]

(Thanks to Isaac in Missouri and Kim in Chicago for their submissions!)

Tags: eww · not-so-veiled threats · shit · stealing · TMI · yogurt

Bed, breakfast & backhanded compliments

January 27th, 2011 · 41 Comments

At a B&B by the Norfolk coast, our submitter Liz was amused by this (possibly serious, possibly not?) guestbook comment — one I hope the proprietors are able work into their next ex-con advertising campaign.

Meanwhile, Amie and Tim spotted this guestbook note while checking out from their hotel in Iceland. “We don’t know who Linda is or what she did, but…wow.” (Perhaps she could seek some support from Except Graham or Especially Deborah?)

Except for Linda everyone was terribly nice and helpful!

related: But you’re too nice not to be a Christian!

Tags: "customer service" · backhanded compliment · food

Well, that’s one way around that pesky “no eating in the library” rule

December 12th, 2010 · 53 Comments

Christian and John in Manchester, U.K. spotted this sign in the library of Manchester Metropolitan University…where the fridge thieves must be really, really ruthless (or the librarians very, very dotty).

This particular library, says John, “is where the vast majority of the university’s science and law students go. I have to wonder what sort of a university I go to if prospective engineers, biologists, chemists, physicists and lawyers have to be specifically asked not to put food in the toilet brush holders.”

Adds Christian: “I imagine a further note reading: ‘Please Do Not Poop On The Ceiling.’”

Please Do Not Put Food in the Toilet Brush Holders. Thank you!

Meanwhile, in Cambridge…further evidence of U.K. university students’ curious predilection for eating while toileting.

DUE TO MASSIVE CANINE INFESTATION WE MUST ASK YOU TO  PLEASE NOT LEAVE ANY UNCOVERED FOOD OUT IN THIS BATHROOM  THANK YOU HOUSEKEEPING

related: Pizza box as air freshener?

Tags: bathroom · Cambridge · college life · food · Manchester · U.K. · WTF?

The Ring 3: Death by Sandwich

December 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker  — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker?  How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

To the asshole who stole my food this Friday between 12:00 pm - 5:00 pm on the first floor: Go to hell! You bastard! You're son of bitch! You're a jerk! You make me sick! I hate you! You will die soon! When you get out of this door, you will be hit by a car and die immediately! When you eating food, you will get choked and die immediately! When you sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately! My food has been stolen more than 5 times since last semester. I'm not going to put up with this! I'm telling you for the last time! Don't do this again! Because I'm going to check the video record and You are dead meat!  PS: People please pay attention, thief is around us! When you get him, you must kick his ass!

related: Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the dardnest threats!

Tags: Boston · Clearly a non-native English speaker · die bitch die · food · lawyers & law students · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

And a Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

November 23rd, 2010 · 83 Comments

Emma says this note appeared in her dorm at the University of Chicago shortly before the Thanksgiving holiday. “Our kitchen has a sign on the fridge that says: ‘If you leave your food unlabeled, it’s fair game. Label your food.’ I assume this girl did not label her food.” (Because who would be cruel enough to steal such a traditional Thanksgiving delicacy from an old lady?)

Whoever ate my guacamole FUCK YOU. how rude can you be? that was obviously not for you. I was going to bring it to my grandmother's for thanksgiving. She was looking forward to it. I hope you enjoyed it.

Another dorm resident sent in a shot of the anonymous response added later.

Being passive-aggressive never SOLVED anything

related: Thanksgiving pride & passive-aggression

Tags: college life · food · guilt trip · irregular capitalization · rebuttals · stealing · Thanksgiving

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

November 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

The AYS staff is leaving dirty dishes behind the front desk. Eating is not allowed in the offices unless it is something minor like a bagel or a company sponsored meal like pizza. AYS associates are to take their breaks and eat in the Outback. Surfing the web while having a STINKY BURRITO and then leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up is not how we do it here. If you cannot abide by this we will address it using progressive discipline as outlined in the Associate Handbook.

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Hi all, It is with regret that I have to circulate the following email. Please understand that I would not send this message if it was not a big problem for me. As a person that is severely sensitive to smells I have to ask for your help. I am very sensitive to body odour and hope that folks in the office can be aware of this and try to minimize odour for the comfort of all office staff, including specifically me. Our space is small and when in a small room together the odours can be quite strong. Stale body odour on clothes can be avoided by regularly washing and changing clothes. Keep one's breath fresh, regular brushing, using mouthwash or breath mints/gum. Also, to avoid spreading germs to other office staff, given the onset of flu season, please wash hands frequently. Sneeze into a Kleenex and discard right away or sneeze into your sleeve not your hands. If you are under the weather the HR policy allows for sick time, so please stay home until you are better.

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · all-staff e-mail · Comic Sans Alert · dishes · fired · food · hygiene · memo · message to all intended for one · odor · office cop · Ontario · Tulsa

Papa’s John

October 31st, 2010 · 82 Comments

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

Why did you put this in the bathroom trash? It makes me really uncomfortable to go to the bathroom when I smell food...Sometimes I can't go, & this is really unhealthy for my body!

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

related: The bathroom walls are NOT soundproof.

extra credit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Air Freshener

Tags: bathroom · guilt trip · odor · pizza · Provo · questionable logic · rebuttals · shit · that's disgusting · that's unhealthy · toilet · Utah · WTF?