Entries Tagged as 'fuck fuckity fuck fuck'

Don’t #!%*@ over spilled oil

May 26th, 2013 · 59 Comments

Kyle in Sydney, Australia says this sign was posted near the elevator in the basement of his building, where apparently someone had spilled some cooking oil on the floor. Based on this note, I’m still a little unsure about how the person who cleaned up the mess felt about the whole situation.

Whoever spilled cooking oil on this floor, you are mother fucking asshole mother fucker. You don't even know what the fuck to do with your responsibility and it tells me why you are living at the bottom of our society idiot. I clean this shit for everyone not because of you little cunt. One more thing, you are fucking ass hole. Go fuck yourself with your shit face. Why are you breathing fucking son of bitch?

related: Seven words you CAN say on a box of leftover takeout

Tags: cleaning · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · Sydney

Talkin’ trash

October 15th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Our submitter, a college student in Texas, says this note appeared just two weeks into the fall semester. “I’m excited to see what gets posted a few weeks from now when nothing changes,” she adds.

In the meantime, can somebody get this kid a thesaurus?

Dear Residents of Level 4, Pick up your motherfucking trash and take it down to the motherfucking dumpster. Quit being such disrespectful assholes, and lazy Fat fucks and just drive your fucking trash down to the TRASH CAN. I swear to god I will shove a broom up your ass if you don't start keeping up after yourselves. You are a motherfucking slob. Sincerely, I fucking hate you

related: Kiss your mother with that mouth?

 

Tags: college life · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · that's disrespectful

Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 Comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley

How NOT to raise your neighborhood’s property values

September 19th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Tim lives in Northwest D.C., “at the front of the gentrification wave” flowing east from Dupont Circle. “We have (only) one rundown/uninhabited house on the block,” Tim says, “and this morning one of the other neighbors decided to mow the front lawn to tidy it’s appearance a bit.” While taking out the trash later that evening, Tim noticed that his neighbor’s good deed had been rewarded by this neighborly thank-you note.

Dear whoever mowed this lawm [sic], FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. If you're actually responsible for this property, clean up the fuck hobo shit laying around. The entrance to the cellar smells like 100% human feces. THANKS FOR THAT, ASSHOLES.

(As far as the smell goes…perhaps some people were under the same mistaken impression as those near this West Hollywood residence?)

This is a lawn, not a fucking diaper, thank you. Love, The people who live here

related: Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

Tags: D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · Los Angeles · odor · shit · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting · there goes the neighborhood

NEWS ALERT: Dark alley not the safest place to store your personal belongings

August 3rd, 2010 · 92 Comments

Okay, dude, I really don’t want to kick you while you’re down — getting your scooter stolen definitely sucks. (Also, based on the rage level in your note, I think you’d probably kick back pretty hard.) And yet…I’m not really buying your framing of this as some kind of public service announcement.

For one thing, I’m guessing that if you took a poll of your neighbors (including Alex, our submitter) and asked, “Hey, did you know that if you leave your personal property in this alley, it could get stolen?!” I’m pretty sure most would respond with someone along the lines of, “Uh, no shit.” Just sayin’.

This Alley is a Magnet for Thieves! People steal shit out of this alley all the time! If you leave your shit in the alley IT WILL BE STOLEN! THIS IS A FUCKED UP NEIGHBORHOOD! Some asshole stripped down all the parts off of my two scooters! They stole over $1000 worth of parts! Why would you steal my scooter parts?  YOU'RE A FUCKING FILTHY THIEF! Congratulations on your fucked up life! Your mother raised a great child! Your parents are some special people!

related: Paintball punk is playing at my house (my house)

Tags: Denver · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not so much passive-aggressive · scooters & mopeds · stealing

HOT FAKE TREND ALERT! “Bros slicing bros,” a.k.a. “hate-eating” Domino’s pizza

July 11th, 2010 · 61 Comments

So, you still haven’t tried “new taste of Domino’s Pizza,” despite the barrage of marketing dollars being spent encouraging you to do so?  Not to worry! I’ll save you the heartburn incurred by a certain food-filching WashU student and his victims.

Here’s the scoop: If you order a pizza from Domino’s, there’s a 60% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls, and a 40% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls. (Oh, and to the Domino’s brand managers reading this: feel free to quote us on that!)

Hey...First... asshole(s?) don't eat this. Seriously. See the duct tape? It means fuck off. I mean seriously. You are an astoundingly awful human being and I hate you. My roommates hate you. Nemerov [NAME OF THE COLLEGE DORM] hates you. You're probably the same person who ate Danny's pasta. Or Nick's pizza. Go Die. There's a 60% chance one of my quadmates dragged their balls through the sauce of this and yes... I will eat this balls flavored pizza. Because that is how much I absolutely hate you. Arg... Fuck you. 2030 FUCK OFF AND DIE

Explains Bridget in St. Louis: “There has been a quite nefarious food thief stealing from the dorm’s community refrigerator lately, and I should know, since my stuff has been taken too. There have been a couple of complaints posted to the fridge, but this is the best one I’ve seen. It was written on a napkin duct-taped to a pizza box that had been (rather hastily) stuffed in the refrigerator.”

Hey...First... asshole(s?) don't eat this. Seriously. See the duct tape? It means fuck off. I mean seriously. You are an astoundingly awful human being and I hate you. My roommates hate you. Nemerov [NAME OF THE COLLEGE DORM] hates you. You're probably the same person who ate Danny's pasta. Or Nick's pizza. Go Die. There's a 60% chance one of my quadmates dragged their balls through the sauce of this and yes... I will eat this balls flavored pizza. Because that is how much I absolutely hate you. Arg... Fuck you. 2030 FUCK OFF AND DIE

related: My mum bought me that pizza!

extra credit: “New York Times Discovers New Trend: Bros Icing Bros” [gawker.com]

Tags: college life · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · shameless meme-mongering · St. Louis · stealing

We live in a nice community with nice neighbors (before you started posting notes)

June 16th, 2010 · 135 Comments

Chris found this not-so-nice note in the laundry room of his nice townhouse complex. What’s interesting here is how the author seems to undermine his or her own logic. (As Chris put it, “I know it’s really pathetic to steal a dryer sheet and a quarter, but really, is it that big of a deal?”)

If it’s not about the 25 cents, but rather, the principle of the thing, well…which is worse? To take a quarter from an empty laundry room, knowing that one of your neighbors left it there? Or to post a dick-ish anonymous note for all to see…instead of, say, keeping your damn quarters in your pocket like everybody else?

To the INDIGENT who stole MY dryer sheet and MY quarter that I left on MY washer while MY clothes were washing..and yes, I know who you are... Are you THAT fuckin poor that you have to steal a quarter??  Grow the fuck up.  We live in a nice community with nice neighbors (before you moved here). I've left quarters and dryer sheets on my washer many times, and they've never been taken til now. You can tape a dollar to this note if you have any kind of a conscience...otherwise, expect some bad karma comin back at ya...

related: I know where you live, laundry thief

Tags: ellipses-crazed · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · grow up · I know who you are · karma's a bitch · laundry · message to all intended for one · money · neighbors · stealing · Tucson

And your mosaic sucks

May 19th, 2010 · 77 Comments

Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house  — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.

The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.

related: Worst secret admirer ever?

Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · money · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · WTF?

Please stop cursing so much on your mother-f’ing blog.

May 15th, 2010 · 38 Comments

So, KC in Washington, D.C. has a blog, which her mother reads and finds “somewhat amusing, to an extent.” Not everything KC writes meets with Mom’s approval, however.

“She never lectures me,” KC says. “Instead, she post-it notes her grievances and puts them in places I have no other choice but to look at” — a Kix cereal box, for example. (Which I have to admit, I find pretty goddamn adorable.)

Stop cussing so much in your blog, please. -Mom

related: Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right.

Thank you, Mom, for really trying to not say cuss words around me.

Tags: blog · cereal · D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · kids · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes

Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard?

May 12th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building.  “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.

I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )

Do you see a fucking sign outside that says free parking?!!!! Get your freaking girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, crack dealer, etc. to go park somewhere else!!!! Just because you copulate on a regular basis doesn't mean they are entitled to make this their own personal free parking lot. I dish out over $500 fucking dollars a month to live here and so it is total and utter bullshit when I come back from campus at 3:15 in the fucking morning after a long ass day of work and I have to go find someplace else to park my car so I don't have to get a fucking ticket. If you are not paying rent here, go find some other fucking place to park your fucking car!

related: When parking gets political

Tags: bold underlined italics · car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · jealous much? · Massachusetts · neighbors · parking · rebuttals