Entries Tagged as 'fuck fuckity fuck fuck'
So, you still haven’t tried “new taste of Domino’s Pizza,” despite the barrage of marketing dollars being spent encouraging you to do so? Not to worry! I’ll save you the heartburn incurred by a certain food-filching WashU student and his victims.
Here’s the scoop: If you order a pizza from Domino’s, there’s a 60% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls, and a 40% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls. (Oh, and to the Domino’s brand managers reading this: feel free to quote us on that!)
Explains Bridget in St. Louis: “There has been a quite nefarious food thief stealing from the dorm’s community refrigerator lately, and I should know, since my stuff has been taken too. There have been a couple of complaints posted to the fridge, but this is the best one I’ve seen. It was written on a napkin duct-taped to a pizza box that had been (rather hastily) stuffed in the refrigerator.”
related: My mum bought me that pizza!
extra credit: “New York Times Discovers New Trend: Bros Icing Bros” [gawker.com]
Tags: college life · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · shameless meme-mongering · St. Louis · stealing
Chris found this not-so-nice note in the laundry room of his nice townhouse complex. What’s interesting here is how the author seems to undermine his or her own logic. (As Chris put it, “I know it’s really pathetic to steal a dryer sheet and a quarter, but really, is it that big of a deal?”)
If it’s not about the 25 cents, but rather, the principle of the thing, well…which is worse? To take a quarter from an empty laundry room, knowing that one of your neighbors left it there? Or to post a dick-ish anonymous note for all to see…instead of, say, keeping your damn quarters in your pocket like everybody else?
related: I know where you live, laundry thief
Tags: ellipses-crazed · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · grow up · I know who you are · karma's a bitch · laundry · message to all intended for one · money · neighbors · stealing · Tucson
Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.
The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.
related: Worst secret admirer ever?
Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · money · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · WTF?
So, KC in Washington, D.C. has a blog, which her mother reads and finds “somewhat amusing, to an extent.” Not everything KC writes meets with Mom’s approval, however.
“She never lectures me,” KC says. “Instead, she post-it notes her grievances and puts them in places I have no other choice but to look at” — a Kix cereal box, for example. (Which I have to admit, I find pretty goddamn adorable.)
related: Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right.
Thank you, Mom, for really trying to not say cuss words around me.
Tags: blog · cereal · D.C. · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · kids · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes
Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building. “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.
I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )
related: When parking gets political
Tags: bold underlined italics · car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · jealous much? · Massachusetts · neighbors · parking · rebuttals
Emily in Richmond, Virginia says this note was recently posted in her apartment building, “right next to a note complaining about a) the tenants in the building that have parties and don’t clean up the beer that gets left in the hallways and b) the laziness of the dog owners in the building that don’t pick up their dogs’ poop.”
related: Wanna touch the baby?
Tags: exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · kids · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · noise · Richmond · spelling and grammar police
As Lachlan in Melbourne points out, for 4 and 6 years old these kids have pretty good writing skills (with the exception of that little “hyph:-colon”). But lawdy, kids today and their language!
Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…
And in Philadelphia (as spotted by Tash, who is not a yuppie)…
related: The right to bear fruit
Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · xoxo
Because nobody says “I mean business” like…Donald Duck.
Except, perhaps, Mickey Mouse? Writes our anonymous submitter in Toronto: “My sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘Mickey! Mickey!’” It seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.
Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin’ time doin’ your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!
related: How many wonders can one cavern hold?
extra credit: Didn’t Disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting Disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]
Tags: California · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · laundry · not-so-veiled threats · out-of-context cartoon character · Toronto
Writes our submitter in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia: “A local candidate for county commissioner claimed that he was going to run the county like he runs his businesses.” (You know: straight talk, no bullshit, that kind of thing.)
So, if you were a Jefferson County voter, what would be your take on the guy based on this sign, from the dumpster area at one of his rental properties? Destined for law-making, right?
related: What is about dog shit that pushes Brooklynites over the edge?
Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · landlords and property managers · West Virginia
Editor’s note: Eric has been trying to get me to post this note for almost a year now, and I’m usually all, “but it’s not, you know, real!” and he’s all, “but it’s real(ly) funny!” (A point I had to concede). And so, in honor of April 1 (a.k.a. Ninja Note Day on PAN) I’m offering this note amnesty. —Kerry
Writes our anonymous submitter from Dayton, Ohio: “Sent by what appears to be a group of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle aficionados*, this letter was received last year after the somewhat eccentric and always-crazy editor of a small toy magazine erroneously described one of the characters as an ‘evil enemy rat.’”
*We had our crack research staff (read: Google) look into the authors’ identities, and the results were shocking: the letter was written by then-interns at The Onion, and sent from the publication’s New York offices.
related: On jamming
Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · New York · that's irresponsible