Entries Tagged as 'God'

The Vicar of Glibly

February 6th, 2012 · 7 Comments

Spotted by George outside his local church in East London:

The vicarage drive is in constant use. Please consider your ETERNAL SALVATION before parking here without permission!

related: He died for your clip art

Tags: God · London · parking · you're like so going to hell

Got game?

January 23rd, 2012 · 30 Comments

While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Keep Reading You still will be single. - God

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

Tags: "helpful" advice · California · gaming · God · way harsh

So…atheists shop for free?

December 8th, 2011 · 43 Comments

Spotted by Analee at Houston’s annual Nutcracker Market, “a holiday shopping wonderland“…

This business belonds to God. If you steal from us you are stealing from Him. It's much cheaper to pay our price than His. Thanks!

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

Tags: God · guilt trip · Houston · retail hell · stealing

The Toilet Paper Manifesto

November 14th, 2011 · 90 Comments

When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

Clearly, you use the bathroom, which means that you use the 12 rolls of toilet paper I bought a week ago. And you bought 4. Really? Is this okay in the eyes of baby Jesus? Equality is important in today's society. Do you know who doesn't like equality? TERRORISTS. TERRORISTS DO NOT LIKE EQUALITY.

…and the first response:

I've started using my own toilet paper. Sorry for any confusion.

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: college life · Georgia · gloriously redundant · Jesus · p.s. · rebuttals · roommates · signed with love · smartass · toilet paper · visual aids

God may love you, but I can’t speak for the rest of the office

October 16th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Various religious-themed notes have been popping up all over our submitter’s workplace in Phoenix, Arizona. “Several co-workers have found these messages in their offices, stuck in between papers, and written on whiteboards,” she says, but so far no one has come forward to claim authorship.

One of most recent notes showed up in the office kitchen one morning.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless

Another note turned up beside it sometime after lunch.

God Loves Your, Your [sic] Important to him, and you have Value in his Kingdom. —God Bless Poor grammar has no place in the Lord's Kingdom. :)

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again.

Tags: God · irregular capitalization · office · Phoenix · smiley · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

Our Lady of Passive-Aggression

September 27th, 2011 · 35 Comments

“My friend and her mother have little exchanges like this via Facebook all the time,” says our anonymous submitter. “It’s always lovely to get these little peeks into their relationship.”

Mom: Well, I know you didn't go to church to worship but I am very pleased to see you have at least been inside one since you got there. This is very pretty.

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

Tags: Facebook · guilt trip · Jesus · Mother-daughter notes

 
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