Entries Tagged as 'God'
At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah.
“For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says.
Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon theology (the the staff signatures include both Captain Moroni and Nephite #2) made me both wince and chuckle.”
related: nosy Provo neighbors
Tags: beverages · Jesus · Provo · restaurant · Utah · you're like so going to hell
Joel in Glendale, California was raised in a religious Christian family, and apparently someone let it slip to his grandmother (bless her heart!) that he’s — gasp!— an atheist. Aaaaand…let the backhanded compliments begin!
Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you’re an athesis [sic]. I don’t believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.
Adds Joel: “I’d like to point out that she mailed me this check for $20 after I asked her not to send me money and she promised she wouldn’t. Lying isn’t very Christian, Grandma!”
related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)
Tags: a little patronizing · family · Grandma · Jesus · old folks
Writes Sara in Cardiff, Wales: “Around this time last year, I noticed that the Jesus had been stolen from this city centre church’s nativity scene. The church is surrounded by pubs and, as it can get quite messy in Cardiff on the weekend, it’s no surprise Jesus went AWOL. About a week later, the note was still up, and someone had replaced ‘Jesus’ with an old naked ragdoll.”
(And can I just repeat how much I love this Wikipedia entry? It’s the Christmas gift that keeps on giving.)
related: What if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus’s Lean Cuisine?
extra credit: Someone stole Baby Jesus
Tags: CAPS LOCK · Christmas · holiday spirit · Jesus · Wales
At college, more often than not, your sex life is everybody’s business. But don’t worry…it’s for your own good! For example, the writer of this first note (as spotted by Ashley at Missouri State) displays a heartwarming concern for her dorm-mate’s physical safety.
And as Vic and his friends at Arizona State’s Barrett Honors College discovered, a group calling themselves “the Gods of ASU” has even deeper concerns….the fate of your everlasting soul!!!
related: “I know that it’s really none of my business, but…I’m going to tell you what I think anyway.”
Tags: Arizona · college life · Jesus · Missouri · MYOB · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback
As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!
related: All I want for Christmas
extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]
Tags: Christmas · Columbus · holiday spirit · i before e · Jesus · office fridge · rhetorical question · spelling and grammar police · stealing · TL;DR
Writes Ben in Snohomish, Washington: “We visit my aunt the same amount we visit the rest of our extended family, but for some reason she takes it personally that we don’t do so daily. She took the occasion of my son’s 11th birthday to take a shot at us.”
related: my condolences on your birthday
Tags: birthday · family · guilt trip · Jesus · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks · Washington state
Chris in Valdosta, Georgia came home last Halloween Eve to find this friendly reminder taped to every mailbox in his quiet little cul-de-sac. (“It’s a little worse for wear,” Chris explains, “because I ripped it off and stomped it on a few times before scanning it.”)
The underlying message, interestingly enough, actually isn’t all that different from this one, by an unhappy Halloween celebrant in Somersworth, New Hampshire.
Meanwhile, Jake in Grand Rapids, Michigan came home last Halloween to this glowing display in his living room. “Apparently my roommate and his girlfriend had spent all day working on them,” Jake says. “I don’t think he was mad at me for any one particular thing, but he did this sort of thing on a fairly regular basis…which made living with him pretty entertaining.”
related: Pumpkin with a death wish
Tags: Halloween · holiday spirit · Jesus · roommates · you're like so going to hell
This good-humored e-mail was send out to the entire staff of an elementary school…IN HELL!
(click the image below to enlarge)
related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · God · guilt trip · ice cream · schools & teachers · stealing · you're like so going to hell
Jen in Tallahassee, Florida found this posted on the fridge in her synagogue’s kitchen. “We’ve tried many things to prevent missing food from this refrigerator,” Jen says. “we’ve even installed a lock so that only certain people with keys can get into the refrigerator…and yet, the problem continues.”
related: the PANtheistic approach
Tags: God · heart · holiday spirit
When dealing with anonymous strangers, there’s no point in playing coy about your hopes and dreams. Tell us, kids, what do you REALLY want?
related: I hope your cat chokes
Tags: die bitch die · God · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing