Entries Tagged as 'God'

And Jesus said “oh, snap!”

September 7th, 2009 · 137 Comments

Another sign of the times: Nick in Tampa, Florida says the sodas in his small office used to be free, but now they cost 50 cents. And yet, Nick says, “when they’re left out unguarded and unsecured, naturally, people steal them.”

Eventually, one coworker thought instilling the fear of god would make for a good theft-deterrent…which inspired another coworker to quote scripture in protest of the new drink policy.

jesus is watching you steal diet cokes

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: Diet Coke · Jesus · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap · stealing · Tampa

(You know the book)

August 6th, 2009 · 188 Comments

Our submitter from Honolulu lives with two roommates…in a house that belongs to one of those roommate’s parents. (Mayday! Mayday!)

One day, apparently, mother dearest decided to come over for an unannounced visit. Surprise!

speaking of church (you know the book)

(click to enlarge)

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: cleaning · guilt trip · Hawaii · Jesus · Moms & Dads · Mother-son notes

Okay, now you’re just screwing with me

August 5th, 2009 · 129 Comments

This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

Who Broke the 8th commandment. My 2 Baby Ruth Candy Bars are missing

Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.

related: and yet…the pink flowers?

Tags: candy · God · irregular capitalization · New York · office · stealing · WTF? · You call that punctuation?

The parable of the lost keys

July 6th, 2009 · 137 Comments

Sydney spotted this bizarrely self-satisfied bit of scripture in a friend’s downtown Berkeley apartment building.

Says Sydney: “I personally think the Bible verse adds a nice touch of guilt, but it’s the emoticon smileys that really put the whole thing over the top for me.”

What was once lost is now found!

(Also…what exactly has the note-writer been doing while holding those keys ransom for the past month? Formatting footnotes?)

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

Tags: Berkeley · Jesus · smiley

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

April 7th, 2009 · 103 Comments

Joanna from San Diego spotted this beauty in the public kitchen at her grandparents’ retirement home in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  Writes Joanna: “I love it because it combines passive-aggressiveness with religious sanctimony. Delicious!”

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · martyr complex · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks · stealing · Tennessee

The Book of Cubicleism, Article IV: “The Laying on of Hands”

November 2nd, 2008 · 144 Comments

Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”

Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”

PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF MY BELIEFS DON'T TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · office · Salt Lake City · touching · Utah

I am seriously like gonna hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault

October 21st, 2008 · 162 Comments

Earlier this year, Emma in California was sharing a kitchen with three other girls. one day, out of the blue, one of her roommates posted this note. (Warning: prepare to reexamine any preconceptions you may have about Mormons, straight-edgers, and college-aged women in general.)

untitled 06.17.08 2

By the next morning, Wmma says, the note was promptly defaced, but Pam didn’t respond until about a week or so later, when she announced she was moving out. Apparently, she was saving it all up for her final missive. (Side note to God: While Pam may have a filthy mouth, she did censor herself from taking your name in vain!)

i am seriously like gonna hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault

related: Losing lisa

extra credit: summer heights high [youtube]

Tags: cleaning · college life · God · mean girls · roommates · saga · sex sex sex · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · you know who you are

Dear assholes

October 3rd, 2008 · 104 Comments

I think we’ve received some of your mail by mistake. Just wanted to pass these along!

xoxo, PAN

Dear Assholes, I do not steal. I have never stolen from you. Why should you do that to me? CAN'T AFFORD A DOLLAR...GET A JOB

Dear Assholes, It's all good and well if you want to sneak out here to drink your beer, but please CLEAN UP after yourselves. This is the woods, not your trash can. Sincerely, The trees, the ferns, the groundhogs, all the other creatures that have to live in your mess

Dear Asshole, 6 spaces? Park the boat, then go out. I hope you can appreciate that I took the time to write + place this. I also hope, as much as I hope to get a cordless drill this X-mas, that you get towed. God.

Dear Assholes, Hope you enjoyed me liquor. It was my last bottle EVER and it was GREAT to wake up and find it all gone. Especially since I barely got any myself. Congratulations, you stole from a homeless, dirt-poor alcoholic minor. Hope you feel great about that.

related: Arrivederci, asshole

Tags: "customer service" · beer · garbage · God · parking · stealing · The Earth

Everyone: shut it.

September 22nd, 2008 · 89 Comments

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

(Just click the image below to enlarge)

related: But who’s counting?

Tags: Australia · elevator · Jesus · opening/closing · saga

The PANtheistic approach

September 7th, 2008 · 86 Comments

At Yale Divinity School, the daily chapel service is followed by a coffee hour. Apparently, says Sara in New Haven, “Some who skip chapel were helping themselves to the goodies before the intended time. Looks like the ‘keeper of the snacks’ has something to say about this.”

if you take anything from here...I KNOW ABOUT IT. (because i am everywhere) -the holy spirit

don't make me pull out my lightning bolts. sincerely, god (zeus version)

Meanwhile, John in Sudbury, Massachusetts spotted this humble plea outside the local Catholic church.

Please return traffic cones -God

related: So much for turning the other cheek

Tags: food · God · guilt trip · Massachusetts · New Haven