Entries Tagged as 'God'

The Whore of West Babylon

August 23rd, 2008 · 123 Comments

Jasy from Laurel, Maryland spotted this beauty while driving down the New Jersey Turnpike.

“I’m dying to know just how blasphemous Denise is to deserve the sign,” Jasy says. “But is it really that surprising that the Anti-Christ would claim Jersey as home base?”

DENISE IS THE ANTI CHRIST

related: No, He uses Vaseline
extra credit: “Hey, look our toll plaza over” [nytimes.com]

Tags: Jesus · New Jersey · WTF?

Three tactics for dealing with soap thieves

June 24th, 2008 · 142 Comments

1. Prey on their insecurities.

Stealing soap is NOT cool

2. Get Jesus involved.

I PRAY No one steals These items...Please Leave this in the 8th fl Back bathroom...God Bless

3. Oh, screw it.

To: soap thief To whomever it is that is stealing the soap. I would like to inform you that we will no longer be providing soap for you to steal. Thanks to you we can not trust that the things we put in here for everyone's enjoyment will be here. You are a thief and you should know this. Thanks for ruining it for everyone else.

related: Maybe you should switch to body wash?

Tags: bathroom · irregular capitalization · Jesus · office · soap · stealing

Thou shalt honor thy Facebook newsfeed, and keep it holy

May 29th, 2008 · 98 Comments

A certain Facebook friend of our anonymous submitter seems to have been going through a rough couple of weeks. but, hey, at least she seems to be confronting her issues!

[Redacted] is fed up with the people who like to feed on gossip and like to spread rumors about stuff that isn't true...stop doing it! You all definitely know who you are.

The repulsion I have for the one habitually lying person who feed on other peoples "drama" shall not bear false witness on me....read the 9th commandment.

[Redacted] still has repulsion for a certain male...what a no good hypocrite!

(Confidential to Facebook friend: I’m no shrink, but I have a feeling this strategy might be more effective if the method of confrontation was something other than a status-update blind item on Facebook. just a thought!)

related: So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

Tags: Facebook · God · you know who you are

He died for your clip art

April 28th, 2008 · 67 Comments

I really thought it couldn’t get more egregious than this clip-art catastrophe from a church in Boston (left), which made this one (right) look downright tasteful in comparison.

this clip art must be stopped

But then, at a friend’s recent wedding, Carey in Northern Virginia spotted this note — complete with that same punchy little yellow smiley — on several doors of the church. (There are more than one, I suppose, so that when you do a double-take and ask yourself “Wait…did they really just go there?” you can rest assured that yes, they really did.)

Jesus DIED for you. Please silence your cell phone pager for Him before entering. Thank you!

The kicker? Before the service started, Carey says, “We spotted the priest up near the altar — chatting on his Razr.”

Meanwhile in guatemala, Boingboing‘s Xeni Jardin spotted a sign one might consider either more or less blasphemous depending on whether you’re a follower of Christ or of the principles of good design

 "TO TALK WITH GOD/YOU DON'T NEED A CELLPHONE/TURN IT OFF PLEASE"

(translation: “TO TALK WITH GOD/YOU DON’T NEED A CELLPHONE/TURN IT OFF PLEASE”)

And if you’re of a faith that prefers to talk directly to God’s intermediaries, you might prefer the approach of this Guatemalan church also documented by Xeni:

"Talk to me personally, I [will] listen to you. You do not need a cellphone. Yours truly, GOD."

“Talk to me personally,
I [will] listen to you.
You do not need a cellphone.
Yours truly,
GOD.”

related: Stop! In the name of clip art

extra credit: Crummy church signs

Tags: cell phone · clip art catastrophe · Espanol · Guatemala · guilt trip · Jesus · most popular notes of 2008 · Northern Virginia · Virginia · you're like so going to hell

No, He uses Vaseline

March 4th, 2008 · 187 Comments

Myra spotted this note at the fine dining establishment known as Tudor’s Biscuit World in Roanoke, Virginia. (For the record, she says, don’t believe the hype — the biscuits aren’t all that great. But if you’re looking for a place to bear witness…)

Would Jesus steal jelly?

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

Tags: guilt trip · Jesus · restaurant · stealing · Virginia

“No adult’s going to waste their time doing that”

February 6th, 2008 · 70 Comments

Based on the online/canine aging scale (one dog year = one youtube day) this video is pretty much on its last legs, but I love it just the same. Consider this post a mercy shot of euthanasia. (And thanks to Maximilian, Jen, Chris, Willa, Nattie, Cat and Dave for passing along!)

related: Oh, shit!

Tags: dogs · Jesus · revenge · shit

Clip art crimes

December 16th, 2007 · 144 Comments

Which clip art extravaganza is the most gratuitous? You be the judge!

Is it this sign, from the Virginia office of — of course — a major mobile carrier?

If you are reading this sign and you are on your phone, please take your call to the atrium.

Is it this little tea party of a sign from Cambridge, Mass.?

ATTENTION TEA DRINKERS!!

Or is it this one, from, yes, a church restroom?

Please Do Not Trash This Bathroom Thank You

related: Cubicle etiquette

Tags: all clogged up · bathroom · Boston · cell phone · clip art catastrophe · Jesus · Massachusetts · office · tea · Virginia · you be the judge · you're like so going to hell

But He took the wheel

September 27th, 2007 · 105 Comments

Summer from Decatur, Georgia says she found this note “left on a car piously parked while attempting to attend mass on vacation” in Galveston, Texas.

Dear fellow Christian, The lawns of homeowners on this street are not public parking. Please

Stealing Hot Pockets is apparently not the only thing that Jesus wouldn’t do.

Where Would Jesus Park?

joke_card.png

JESUS MIGHT LOVE YOU BUY YOUR REAR TYRES ARE BALD!!

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

Tags: Cincinnati · Decatur · Galveston · Jesus · parking · Texas · the lawn

There you go, bringing Him into it again

June 4th, 2007 · 38 Comments

What Would Jesus Steal?

Jesus doesn't steal Poptarts. NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

Jesus didn't steal hot wings & Pizza rolls Neither should you!! JJ + Destiny

This classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from children!

(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and  James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)

related: Would Jesus steal jelly?

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are