PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » gym http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Women: Have your pole dancing classes empowered you too much? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/31/pole-vulture/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/31/pole-vulture/#comments Mon, 31 Jan 2011 18:13:05 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17583 I really hope to have the opportunity to work the coinage “pole vulture” into conversation this week.

Apparently, they’re a serious problem at Jessica’s pole dancing studio of choice in Sydney, Australia.

DON'T BE A POLE VULTURE: Please let the other class finish up (completely!) before choosing a pole! And if you happen to get a non spinny pole, thank the Lord that you are getting more of a workout!!!!! And will be better prepared for the real world, where poles NEVER have ball bearings!

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/31/pole-vulture/feed/ 50 For Sale, Cemetery Plot, Never Used http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/13/for-sale-cemetery-plot-never-used/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/13/for-sale-cemetery-plot-never-used/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 19:13:42 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16337 Who knew? If you’re in the market for cemetery plots at bargain-basement prices, apparently the go-to place is…the women’s locker room at the gym. At least that’s where our submitter in East Lansing, Michigan spotted this notice (which was clearly not penned by Hemingway).

Happy “WTF?” Friday, everyone!

SAVE $1550 For Sale: One Cemetery Plot (our mother requested cremation, so we aren't using this, now) Deepdale Cemetery (Chapel Garden) If purchased today @ Deepdale, this will cost you $2195 WE WILL SELL FOR ONLY $500 (PLUS DEED TRANSFER FEE) Please Contact [redacted]

related: Please, No Breast Cancer trash!

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/13/for-sale-cemetery-plot-never-used/feed/ 47 I’m sorry if this is rude, but…your mere presence offends my delicate sensibilities. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/10/im-sorry-if-this-is-rude-but-your-mere-presence-offends-my-delicate-sensibilities/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/10/im-sorry-if-this-is-rude-but-your-mere-presence-offends-my-delicate-sensibilities/#comments Wed, 11 Aug 2010 02:18:22 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16304 Our submitter in Orange County, California came across this note on a table at the local public library while studying for the Bar Exam. “I figured the added noises would simulate the noises during the actual test,” our submitter says. “Apparently the noise isn’t the only thing that bugs some of the other patrons.” (What’s really bugging me about this note: WHAT IS UNDER THAT WHITE-OUT STRIP ON THE FIRST LINE?)

I'm sorry if this is rude. But...You smell. And you've been scratching your body constantly. Please go take a shower when you get home. I'm studying for an important exam and your lack of hygiene is affecting my concentration.

Meanwhile, Daryl in Vancouver, B.C. spotted this pinned to the bulletin board at his gym. I don’t know if this means I’m going soft, but the thought of creepy bicycle-shorts guy walking up to the bulletin board and reading this while all of the other little kick-boxing vixens look on actually makes me feel sorry for the guy.  The note’s amusing, I guess, but it also seems a little…below-the-belt, no?

Bicycle shorts are an incredible invention. For the avid cyclist, the form-fitting design allows for freedom of movement temperature control and comfort. But when worn to a boxing class, especially in conjunction with a baby blue tank top, they can pose several dangers both to the wearer and those around him. Beyond the obvious aesthetic perils bicycle shorts can create by highlighting abnormally small genitalia, these types of shorts, when worn with a sky blue wife beater, create unease and discomfort among female classmates. This is mostly due to the fact that in 1928 the official uniform of sexual predators was declared to be black bicycle shorts paired with a powder blue tank top. Thankfully, in 1929, boxing shorts were invented, thereby eliminating any chance of someone showing up to a boxing class dressed as a convicted rapist.

related: You seem like really nice people, but…

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/08/10/im-sorry-if-this-is-rude-but-your-mere-presence-offends-my-delicate-sensibilities/feed/ 85 Know sweat http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/07/know-sweat/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/07/know-sweat/#comments Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:30:38 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=11147 Writes Jaime in Austin: “My husband and I lift weights at Gold’s Gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

Know you can wipe off the machine when you're done. (No, really you can.)

Meanwhile, next door…

(Well, sort of.) Kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in an upscale Orlando, Florida boutique.

NOTICE WELCOME Dear ladies, Please, ladies if you just worked out next door and not showered we ask for your consideration, please do not try any clothing. Thank you, Management

related: Like a rotten sponge

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/07/know-sweat/feed/ 92 All I want for Christmas http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/16/all-i-want-for-christmas/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/16/all-i-want-for-christmas/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:05:23 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=10176 Writes Monica in Salt Lake City, Utah: “The hip abduction machine has been broken at my local gym for almost the entire year. The powers that be claim it will be fixed soon, Monica says, but it looks like one fellow gym-goer decided to take up the issue with an even higher power.

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is this machine FIXED

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is this machine FIXED

related: evidently, yes

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/16/all-i-want-for-christmas/feed/ 61 There is a poor speller among us http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/06/30/there-is-a-poor-speller-among-us/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/06/30/there-is-a-poor-speller-among-us/#comments Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:12:13 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=9284 Writes our anonymous submitter from Kentucky: “I work at a gym. I was checking the women’s locker room to make sure it wasn’t a fetid stinkpit (it wasn’t) when I saw three of these lying on the counter. I went to throw them out and found a whole mess of them in the trash can, too.”

there is a poor speller among us

related: like a rotten sponge

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/06/30/there-is-a-poor-speller-among-us/feed/ 99 If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today… http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/28/if-you-needed-an-excuse-to-skip-the-gym-today/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/28/if-you-needed-an-excuse-to-skip-the-gym-today/#comments Fri, 28 Mar 2008 06:45:28 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/28/if-you-needed-an-excuse-to-skip-the-gym-today/ Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/03/28/if-you-needed-an-excuse-to-skip-the-gym-today/feed/ 99 Like a rotten sponge http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/05/like-a-rotten-sponge/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/05/like-a-rotten-sponge/#comments Sun, 05 Aug 2007 22:54:04 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/05/like-a-rotten-sponge/ By popular demand, Ellen in Acton, Mass. has sent in a photo of the note that appeared next to the one about spitting in the water fountain on her gym’s suggestion board…

Please stop using the towels to clean stations. I got on a treadmill and the towel smelled like a rotten sponge. Having them used again and again all day must be unhealthy. How about disinfectant wipes or just paper towels. THANK YOU!

The original “no spitting” note has since been taken down, Ellen says. “In its place was one saying that people should stop focusing on the negative since the gym and the staff were really quite good.”

Since then, she adds, “O have not noticed any lugies in the drinking fountain. Progress?”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/05/like-a-rotten-sponge/feed/ 22 Evidently, yes http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/02/evidently-yes/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/02/evidently-yes/#comments Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:12:57 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/02/evidently-yes/ Ellen in Acton, Mass. spotted this on the suggestion board at her gym.

Suggestions: A SIGN ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SPIT IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN? Response from Global Fitness Center: Do we really need to tell people that spitting in the fountain is a bad idea? (YES! Evidently, if they're doing it)

At least they don’t have a Mad Bomber on the loose…yet.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/08/02/evidently-yes/feed/ 43 The Mad Bomber, Act 3: We are watching you http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/25/the-mad-bomber-act-3-we-are-watching-you/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/25/the-mad-bomber-act-3-we-are-watching-you/#comments Fri, 25 May 2007 14:29:14 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=102 If you missed them, catch  up with Act 1 and Act 2 of the Mad Bomber saga. Here, the  (somewhat anti-climactic) conclusion:

Through some help of our members and some tracking we now know who has been making the messes in the women's toilets. We know who you are! We are watching you and will catch you in the act. When this happens you will be prosecuted for destruction of property, attempting to harm our business and the cost we have gone through to clean up after you. Its [sic] time to bring this to an end!!!

It appears that season one of this series concludes with a dramatic cliffhanger ending. Will the Mad Bomber be caught in the act? Will Richard G. Sells post another notice outing the bomber for public humiliation and condemnation? We can only hope.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/25/the-mad-bomber-act-3-we-are-watching-you/feed/ 55 The Mad Bomber, Act 2: Please stay seated during the entire performance http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/23/the-mad-bomber-act-2-please-stay-seated-during-the-entire-performance/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/23/the-mad-bomber-act-2-please-stay-seated-during-the-entire-performance/#comments Wed, 23 May 2007 16:55:13 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=88 If you missed it, Act 1 is where this saga begins. Here, we see Richard G. Sell’s frustration grow to a fever pitch…

WE ARE TIRED OF THIS!!!!!! Let it be known by all of our female members that the staff of the Lawrence Athletic Club are tired of cleaning up after the MAD BOMBER.

And it continues with Act 3…

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/23/the-mad-bomber-act-2-please-stay-seated-during-the-entire-performance/feed/ 34 The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language” http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/22/the-mad-bomber-act-1-sorry-about-the-language/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/22/the-mad-bomber-act-1-sorry-about-the-language/#comments Wed, 23 May 2007 02:59:16 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=84 I don’t want to oversell this, but the following series of three signs (sent in by a health-club patron who wishes to remain nameless) just became my new all-time favorite. I love so many things about Richard G. Sells’s first masterpiece (below) that I don’t even know where to begin.

Twice someone has crapped all over the wall, back of the toilet, under the toilet, on the seat, under the seat, and on the floor without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool [sic] itself.

The best part, I think, might be the Freudian slip mid-way through (“…without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool itself.”)

But it doesn’t end there! Read acts 2 and 3.

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/05/22/the-mad-bomber-act-1-sorry-about-the-language/feed/ 36