PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » “helpful” advice

Got game?

Kerry — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:29:00 +0000

While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

XXX, Mum

Kerry — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:44:31 +0000

James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

What am I, the office sugar mama?

Kerry — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:43:52 +0000

Writes Heather in Kentucky: “I keep a basket of candy on my desk, but after having my candy basket completely cleaned out during the night shift on several occasions, I started locking it in my boss’s office overnight.”

A few mornings later, she arrived at her desk to find this oh-so-thoughtful note from one sugar-deprived night-shift worker.

I pita the fool

Kerry — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 21:41:15 +0000

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

A citation from the fat police

Kerry — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 21:09:01 +0000

Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!

related: Loose lips shrink hips

I super duper hope you go screw yourself!

Kerry — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:38:11 +0000

During Diana’s lunch break one day, a concerned coworker apparently decided to seize the opportunity to let her know — anonymously, of course — that the state of her cubicle was too much too handle. Even more obnoxiously, Diana says, “He or she actually just opened up Word and typed this note on my computer.”

To top it all off, Diana insists her workstation was hardly a disaster area to begin with. “The only things on my desk at the time were my computer, a few pieces of paper, and a coffee mug.”

related: Can you please walk quieter?

Thank you for your “constructive criticism”

Kerry — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 03:38:50 +0000

When it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed while leaving a dining hall at the University of Denver, it takes a skilled passive-aggressive to turn a totally neutral, boilerplate response into an obvious “up yours” without so much as an exclamation point.

extra credit: College Cafeterias Get Bad Grades from the Health Dept. [nytimes.com]

Some relationship advice from your roommate

Kerry — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 03:25:16 +0000

Vanessa in Baton Rouge can vouch that that the state of her friend Charles’s bathroom and boudoir is “perpetually dirty.” Oddly, though, “of all the times I’ve been over to Charles’ apartment with his girlfriend, I’ve never, ever seen his roommate.”

(Which makes me wonder…could this note from Charles’s “roomie” actually have been written by said girlfriend? I’m not sure which scenario would be more passive-aggressive.)

The Pooper Stooper

Kerry — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:21:01 +0000

Need to borrow a cup of sugar? How about five pounds of dog poop? Well heck, that’s what neighbors are for!

extra credit: The perfect leash for dog haters/sociopaths

I can feel your teeth clenching from here :)

Kerry — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:22:43 +0000

Be afraid, roomies. Be very afraid.

related: I don’t complain.

The Huffing & Puffing Post

Kerry — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 13:02:59 +0000

When he first moved in, says our submitter in Melbourne, the apartment across the way already had the two big handmade nuclear posts in the window. Two months later, up went the note at the left about unneighborly acts like obscene “jestures” (which makes me envision of motley crew of courtyard jugglers giving the finger to nosy busybodies in the apartments above.) The cigarette notice is the latest addition.

Says our submitter: “I’m tempted to strut about without trousers and see if I can get a mention, too!”

In the meantime, his other neighbors seem to already be getting in on the act.

(As always, just click on the images to enlarge them.)

related: WiFi for Passive-Aggressives

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

Kerry — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 21:26:43 +0000

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

No, your children will never appreciate the weight you gained for them.

Kerry — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 02:43:42 +0000

So, the other day, Olivia’s mother and aunt were having a conversation, and her Mom was fretting about how she’d been overeating this week and how she was going back on her diet the very next day and blahblahblahwhydon’tgrown-upsevertalkaboutanythinginteresting.

Olivia says this inspired her eavesdropping 7-year-old sister to post this helpful reminder where their Mom gets ready in the morning, just to make sure she wouldn’t forget!

The Toilet Paper Ministry

Kerry — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 02:28:49 +0000

Hey, look — it’s almost the entire 12-step program in one note! I especially like the abridged version: “To the idiot who stole: the world is your oyster.”