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Entries Tagged as '“helpful” advice'

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

May 11th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.

“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?

“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am just concerned for your health. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 20lb that way!!! We even have a program here at work. Tues @ Noon - hope to see you there! :)

(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)

related: I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

Tags: "helpful" advice · Bay Area · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2010 · office · oh no you didn't · preggers · smiley · the best of intentions

I am beautiful, no matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

April 28th, 2010 · 143 Comments

Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.

Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”

Dear Katie, You are beautiful now. We are sure you will be a beautiful bride. To help insure our wedding dress investment, please buy some scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week. We love you and want you to enjoy your wedding day. This present might help with some of the stress. With love, Mom & Dad

“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”

related: Loose lips shrink hips?

extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little insensitive · hey fatty · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · Oklahoma · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas

Spoken like someone who has never tried to take a one-year-old shopping

February 15th, 2010 · 307 Comments

Alex and his wife, Kathy, have an 18-month-old son who, among other his hobbies, enjoys pulling off his socks and shoes at any opportunity. (Perhaps he’s a future marathon-running superathlete. Or, you know, a normal 18-month-old.)

Recently, Kathy took her son with her on a trip to the store in their hometown of Las Vegas (temperature: a bone-chilling 64 degrees). When she came back to the car, she found this helpful bit of parenting advice waiting on her windshield.

How can you bring your kids out without shoes or socks!! It's not summer!! I see you have on shoes socks + long sleeves! Stop being a lazy ass mom!!

related: Oh, the Rancher and the McMansioner should be friends

Tags: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · Moms & Dads · shoes · unsolicited feedback

You need some help

February 2nd, 2010 · 147 Comments

On a lark, Michelle in Florida posted a profile on the online dating site OKCupid after taking one of the site’s quizzes late one night, allowing the site to pull most of her interests and whatnot from Facebook.

“I didn’t think anything more of it,” she says, that is, until she got this “helpful” message — apparently one adjunct university professor’s idea of a charming conversation starter.

Hi, No no, I'm not writting to insult you. I just mean, your profile is very...well, illogical. The picture is nice, I like the lipstick. But the self-description is completely unclear. Then, in the end, all of a sudden you say something very straight forward and to the point, about wanting to talk to someone serious about a relationship. That conclusion is good, but it contrasts to the rest of your profile.  You sound good when you just say what you want. Why not do that consistently? I think you'll get better results that way.  Anyway, I hope I didn't offend you, I just wanted to be helpful.


Tags: "helpful" advice · online dating · unsolicited feedback

Sweet & Lowdown

January 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Sadly, not everyone shares Angela‘s compassion for the portly.

At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re diabetic!”

How about going to the gym instead?

(In one office break room in the Twin Cities, meanwhile, the sugar packets themselves do the talking…)

USE REAL SUGAR...if you know what's good for you

And across town at a different office in St. Paul, the office manager (“a fitness freak,” according to our submitter) takes the (relatively) constructive approach with her fellow employees — who are, our submitter agrees, “a bunch of lard-ass geeks who don’t exercise.” Um, thanks?

$2 off Exercise DVD: Please use if you can!

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

Tags: "helpful" advice · hey fatty · office

Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…

November 15th, 2009 · 150 Comments

Perhaps Dirty Lady #2 got an office job? Ladies, let's all take really good baths

related: the most disgusting thing is a nasty lady

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · hygiene · odor · office

Loose lips shrink hips?

November 9th, 2009 · 272 Comments

Our anonymous submitter from Herndon, Virginia and two of his friends — “all three of us on the large size” — were having lunch at a restaurant when a lady sitting nearby passed them this dear little note of encouragement.

Dear you! Excuse me 4 breaking in.  I'm sitting the next table to u.  My name is Angela.  I'm from Sofia, Bulgaria.  I'm Bulgarian, and American citizen too.  I gained 35 pounds since I got to the USA.  Please don't get hurt, but the (3) of U should loose weight.  I know it's hard.  It is certainly hard 4 me.  But U feel better afterwards, and validated and accomplished.  Best Angela

related: hey, fatty

Tags: "helpful" advice · culture clash · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2009 · unsolicited feedback

“Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts”

November 1st, 2009 · 329 Comments

Writes Mike in Provo, Utah: “This is a letter my friend Liz found on the windshield of her car during the time she was dating her now-husband. They framed the note, and now have it proudly displayed in their living room.” nosy neighbors in provo, utah

related: A substance user and a player!

Tags: "helpful" advice · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2009 · MYOB · neighbors · Provo · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback · Utah

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

April 7th, 2009 · 103 Comments

Joanna from San Diego spotted this beauty in the public kitchen at her grandparents’ retirement home in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  Writes Joanna: “I love it because it combines passive-aggressiveness with religious sanctimony. Delicious!”

What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · martyr complex · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks · stealing · Tennessee

Wanna touch the baby?

April 6th, 2009 · 373 Comments

“My co-worker had a ‘meet our bundle of joy’ party in a common space of his apartment building,” says our anonymous submitter in New York City, and these notes were peppered throughout the space. ”Not only did I opt out of ‘touching’ their baby, I also passed on digging into the bowl of Ruffles.”

Wanna touch the baby? Please use this on your hands first.

Meanwhile, as Carson in Atlanta points out, someone else has channeled that parental germaphobia into a bona fide business!

wanna touch the baby?

related: this is all about the childern

extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Soap

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · hygiene · Moms & Dads · New York