PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » holiday spirit

Thanks for throwing me under the sleigh, kids

Kerry — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:05:26 +0000

Writes Kristie in Tacoma, Washington: “My kids totally threw me under the bus in order to cover their tails for Santa.”

Mad Santa

Kerry — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:11:29 +0000

Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

related: All I want for Christmas

Thank You, Merry Terry!

Kerry — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:33:07 +0000

It’s a PAN miracle! After reaching a hilltop on a holiday hike, Mary in Phoenix found this decorated desert tree.

Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed this (only slightly cranky) message from “Merry Terry.”

Altogether now, everyone…

related: Thank You Terry!

In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

Kerry — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:53:00 +0000

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

Christmas lights manufactured by a particularly hardcore Elf on the Shelf

Kerry — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 01:17:09 +0000

Angela and her father were poking around the local dollar store in Metuchen, New Jersey when we they came across these boxes of Christmas lights.

“We originally thought these vaguely ominous messages were meant to harken back to the ‘true spirit of Christmas’ but these threats don’t exactly engender goodwill toward men,” Angela says. “I don’t know for whom these vaguely ominous messages are really intended, but s/he must have seriously pissed off the manufacturer.”

related: Subliminal self-esteem killers

extra credit: Evil Elf on the Shelf

Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

Kerry — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:55:37 +0000

In Joe’s Tuscaloosa neighborhood, a lot of folks go all-out with their Christmas decorations. While driving around the other night admiring the various Griswold-style scenes, Joe was especially amused to stumble upon this outlier.

Perhaps they took inspiration from the house below on the right?

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion

Kerry — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 00:35:17 +0000

Welcome to the set of Mean Girls: Orlando!

The initial note:

And the response…

Talkin’ Tofurky

Kerry — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 17:41:45 +0000

As a vegan, our submitter in California appreciated this marquee.

Mellon Collie and the Seasonal Sadness

Kerry — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:36:18 +0000

Halloween: smashing children’s dreams, one pumpkin at a time. (Sigh)

(Spotted by Toby in the U.K.)

This flamingo has flown

Kerry — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:31:43 +0000

Writes Leslie in Richmond, Virginia: “The note’s creator seems to have purposely made his/her community note as undecorative as possible, but left the USA sign, flag, toadstools, ceramic rabbit, and rainbow-colored pinwheels untouched.”

Personally, I would have liked to see if adding of few of these to the yard would have solved the problem.

Bad luck you

Kerry — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 00:26:34 +0000

“My parents have a large front yard,” writes David in Georgia, “and up until a few years ago, it had about 40 trees in it.” Unfortunately, an arborist informed David’s parents that those trees, while they looked normal enough, had become infested and essentially hollowed-out by insects, killing the trees and turning them into a pretty big safety risk in the case of a storm. At the arborist’s recommendation — and I’m sure, at all no small expense — David’s parents had the trees removed.

Fast forward a few months to December, when the family put up their usual holiday decorations — little trees made of Christmas lights — throughout the front yard. Soon after, David says, the family received two items of interest in their mailbox:

1. A certificate of recognition from the Arbor Day Foundation, “thanking us for our efforts to prevent further tree deaths”
2. This handmade holiday card.

Adds David: “This person obviously put a lot of work into carefully drawing and writing it; the artwork and penmanship are immaculate. If only they’d put as much effort into asking us why we were having the trees removed.”

“I’m not keeping track or anything, but you are being written out of the will.”

Kerry — Thu, 12 May 2011 01:38:25 +0000

Grandmas: they can kiss you on the cheek while punching you in the gut, and you’ll still write a thank-you note…or wish you had. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

P.S. By the way, Grandma Cookie, I did call you at Palm Garden on Mother’s Day — three times — but you didn’t answer. But, um, Happy Mother’s Day?

A Mother’s Day Report Card

Kerry — Fri, 06 May 2011 03:50:27 +0000

Jill from Baltimore is in her early 30s now, so she has enough distance from her childhood self to laugh at the passive-aggressiveness of this Mother’s Day card she made when she 11 or 12. “I love that I used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to not only tell my mom how great she is, but also to not-so-subtly point out her shortcomings.”

(If you were wondering about the “NA,” Dad did the cooking.)

related: Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

“Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

Kerry — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 18:01:36 +0000

“First off,” writes submitter, who we’ll call Lorelai, “my parents and I have never, ever, ever had any kind of discussion regarding ANYTHING having to do with sex. Mostly because, well, they are my 60-something-year-old parents. And my father is my preacher.”

Today, Lorelai is a 33-year-old “volleyball-coaching, home-owning, full-time working, Girl-Scout-Troop-leading” mother of a “well-behaved, smart, friendly, athletic, violin-playing” daughter, who happens to be the product of unplanned pregnancy 11 years ago.

“Although it took my parents some time to accept the decision I made to raise her (successfully, so far!) on my own, I thought we had moved on,” our submitter says. “Apparently not. My long-distance, very serious, boyfriend will be visiting in a few days, and I guess they wanted to make their stance clear on the matter, eleven years later.”

Lorelai says the follow-up letter from her Mom clarifying to meaning of the card was even more awkward. Sample excerpt:

I guess our gesture was our way of saying ‘We love you and want you to have a healthy sex life, but be careful, because we don’t want you to be hurt like you were before.’

Adds Lorelai: “Maybe some people have this kind of relationship with their parents, but, well, I definitely don’t.”