Entries Tagged as 'holiday spirit'

How do you like them eggs?

April 1st, 2013 · 71 Comments

If you found yesterday’s post too saccharine for your taste, well, here’s a different sort of mother-daughter exchange. Hannah found this card nestled among a basket of Easter eggs that her mom gave her.

To Hannah, Happy Easter from the mother who 'f-cked up' your life and has done 'nothing' for you!

related: I can has guilt trip?

extra credit: “Family’s Easter decorations have neighbour hopping mad” [cbcnews]

Tags: Easter · U.K.

A note from the Easter Bunny

March 31st, 2013 · 57 Comments

Christine from Buffalo says her 7-year-old daughter, Mary, was curious as to whether or not the Easter Bunny pooped chocolate. Yet when this note showed up next to a pile of “droppings,” little Mary was unwilling to taste a sample to find out.

Dear Mary, Your mom forgot to put out carrots, so I got them from the refrigerator and pooped on the floor. Don't be mad at her for forgetting! There was some water on the table, and I drank it because I was thirsty. Love, the Easter Bunny.

P.S. Is leaving carrots for the Easter bunny a thing, like leaving cookies for Santa? I totally didn’t know that was a thing, if it is a thing. Is it?

P.P. S. We can all agree that mall Easter bunnies are totally creepy, right?

related: The Easter bunny is a passive-aggressive little bugger

Tags: Easter · Moms & Dads

Dear Kyle (who doesn’t love me)

February 21st, 2013 · 104 Comments

“I messed up and forgot to get something for my long-distance girlfriend for Valentine’s Day last year,” says Kyle, a college student in South Carolina. Soon after, he got this card in the mail…evidence that his girlfriend had morphed into some unholy hybrid of a 9-year-old girl and @horse_ebooks.

Dear Kyle (who doesn't love me), Happy Valentine's day! I love you, now getchya shitz together so we can cuddle more and not be sad, okay? Presentless and alone (the lonliest evr in the whole, wide, desolate world) [TEARS OF REJECTION]

related: Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection

extra credit: Radiohead or Horse_ebooks?

Tags: crazypants · most popular notes of 2013 · sig o · Valentine's Day

This Valentine’s Day, give the gift of honesty

February 14th, 2013 · 32 Comments

Rachel in New York City says one of her students proudly presented her with this card, adding, “I think it speaks for itself.”

Dear Rachel You are the 2nd best teacher Ever ? Love You

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to the groaner upstairs

Tags: heart · kids · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · schools & teachers · signed with love · Valentine's Day

Enjoy the holidays (without me)

December 27th, 2012 · 29 Comments

While at his parents’ house in Indiana for Christmas, Jay says his mother passed this card around to everyone, saying, “Can you believe this?!” The awkward part: Terry (not that Terry) is their next-door neighbor.

Sorry we have lost touch- I guess I have to accept you not wanting to be friends anyomore. Enjoy the holidays-  Janet and Lee, Wishing you jolly holidays and a great new year! Have a wonderful season and all the best in the New Year.  -Terry

related: Happy Holidays! So glad we’re not together!

 

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · Indiana · neighbors

This year’s round of holiday decor-nappings

December 22nd, 2012 · 26 Comments

So far this  year, we’ve gotten no missing Baby Jesus reports. (Yet.) However, it looks like it’s still hard out there for a giant candy cane.

Just ask Anderson in Huntsville, Alabama:

Mommy Deer wants her babies back!

Gina in New Philadelphia, Ohio:

To the person who took my Christmas wreath...you can have the tree too! You must need it more than I do! Merry Christmas! Danny's Grill

The Bishop Family in Genoa, Nebraska:

This is for the 3 little PUNKS In the silver Chevy truck with 10 county Plates That stole our decorations THANKS!!! Our Grandkids REALLY appreciate it. MERRY CHRISTMAS! BY THE WAY YOU DROPPED THESE

or David in Florence, South Carolina:

To whoever stole (or is planning to steal) our Christmas lights

The missing strand of lights, as well as the ones remaining on our porch, were rubbed through each of our unkempt butt-cheeks during a game of

related: The circle of Hell Dante forget to mention

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · vandalism

The Griswold Family Fine Print

December 17th, 2012 · 70 Comments

While admiring the neighborhood’s holiday decorations with his family, our submitter in Denver came across this “bokeh of Christmas joy.”

Dr. Griswold & Mr. Grinch

Noticing a folder of photocopied flyers labeled “please take one,” our submitter did so, and while his daughter stared in awe at the abundance of LED-powered holiday cheer, he gawped at the Grinch-like screed that accompanied it.

PLEASE STAY OFF MY DAMN FENCE. I am Tired of people breaking it and not having the decency to come and tell me, and maybe pay for it. Instead they sneak off like damn thief(s) in the nite. I put up decorations so you can enjoy them, not destroy my property. I realize 98% of the people are good and just enjoy the decorations. The other 2% are obviously a__h___s. Stay away, no one is making you come. You damn well weren't invited, so stay the hell home!! Or have manners!

related: Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

extra credit: How much does it cost to decorate your house with Christmas lights? [boingboing.net]

Tags: Christmas · Denver · holiday spirit · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · vandalism

And that’s why they call me the Nutcracker

December 5th, 2012 · 28 Comments

Hannah spotted this bit of holiday cheer at the Southern Christmas Show in Charlotte, North Carolina. While the other vendors were busy handing out free samples and entertaining kids, this fellow was “keepin’ it Southern.”

The next time someone pulls OFF by bugle... I'm replacing it with a shotgun!

related: Merry Terry says enjoy this tree!

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · North Carolina

No treats, no tricks, just boos.

October 31st, 2012 · 120 Comments

So, which house do you think is the most likely to get egged by angry trick-or-treaters?

Exhibit a) From Chester Springs, Pennsylvania:

HUNGOVER. If you ring the doorbell, I will piss in your plastic pumpkin.

Exhibit b)

NO CANDY JUST SWINE FLU (It's worse than no candy.)

Exhibit c)

NO CANDY HERE WAITING FOR PIZZA MAN

Exhibit d) From Jackson, Mississippi:

Warning! No candy! All Trick-or-Treaters will be attacked by Evil Clown!

Exhibit e) Spotted by Greg in Escondido, California:

DEAR TRICK OR TREATERS: CANDY AND OTHER CONFECTIONS ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE LORD AND AS SUCH WE SHALL NOT BE PROVIDE ANY ON THIS DAY OF SIN! DEUTERONOMY 18:9-12, 1 PETER 5:8

Exhibit f) Spotted by Tyree in Oakridge, Oregon

No Candy go Away

related: Some advice for would-be pumpkin smashers

Tags: candy · go away · Halloween

The Parent Tax

July 30th, 2012 · 99 Comments

Well, Dad? What have you got to say for yourself?

Dear Daddy, Last night (4/24/12)I was looking for your hole puncher. (for mamas mothers day presant. I didn't find it. I looked inside in hopes to find the hole puncher. Instead I found my Halloween candy. I know it was Halloween because of the stickers inside of it. When (last year after Halloween) I asked you were it was you said "Oh, that's long gone by now." So you lied to my face. Also, now I'm strongly suspicious that for consecutive years you have been stealing our candy. I really want my candy back. It is rightfully mine. So I think you should give it back. Your Daughter, Callie

(Thanks to Katie in Kansas City for submitting!)

related: Why didn’t you tell me the tooth fairy wasn’t real?

Tags: candy · Halloween · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012