The most extreme case of ice hoarding I’ve seen comes to us from an office in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania:

Personally, I think Nicolette’s “Aunt Anny” in California is onto something. (Assuming, of course, that people have the recipe.)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

Michael in California stumbled across this bit of passive-aggressive pedantry on Food.com.

P.S. The reviews = 5 stars.

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

extra credit: Jim Gaffigan on Bottled Water

“Apparently someone at my office thinks cracking the ice cube trays with your hands is a mortal sin,” writes Natalie in Washington, D.C. “My question: Would it really be better if we used other body parts?”

Honestly, when I first read the words “ice gobblers,” I thought this note was going in a different direction. Because not refilling the empty ice-cube tray? Now that’s a crime.

related: Four approaches to ice-cube maintenance

We’ve received several copies of this instructive flowchart, which the helpful illustrators of Graph jam have made available to coffee watchdogs the world over.

Seeing people print their passive-aggressive flowcharts off the Internet makes our resident nerd, Eric, sentimental for simpler times. He quietly reflects on time spent wandering the halls of Brown University’s CS department back in 2007. In those days, tech-minded individuals still made patronizing flowcharts the old-fashioned way, using OpenOffice on Linux.

Though such documents are most commonly spotted in offices populated by engineers and other technically inclined folk, even Kerry — who is not earning her Ph.d in Computer Science — can appreciate the clarity of a flowchart like this one:

related: When Ph.ds get frustrated

extra credit: “Flow chart: is it fucked up?” [boingboing]

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)

Before I pass out, I bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of Austin.

First, from Scoot Inn…

More bouncer sass from (I think) Beerland…

And lastly, from Emo’s…

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Exhibit a) From Richmond, Virginia: the pedantic approach

Exhibit b) From Minneapolis: the conditional approach

Exhibit c) From Hartford, Connecticut: the ALL for one and one for ALL approach

Exhibit d) From Dallas: the federal government’s approach

(Thanks to Erik and Kim for their submissions.)

related: To the ICE GOBBLERS