Entries Tagged as 'ice'

News you can use

May 25th, 2008 · 62 Comments

The word “newsflash,” like the phrase “no offense,” is an early indicator that what follows is probably going to be something pretty bitchy. Unless, of course, you’re watching TV news, in which case the word “newsflash” more likely heralds the announcement of a hard-hitting segment about the household product in your kitchen that could be killing your children. Either way: proceed with caution.

Exhibit a) from roommate to roommate, Chicago

Newsflash 1: trash does not take itself out. GROSS!?

Exhibit b) from mother to daughter, Irving, Texas

I have a news flash! I don't buy your wine! Thanks for drinking a bottle I never got to try!

Exhibit c) the pointed use of song lyrics in a Facebook status update

Newsflash BITCH...I don't live to please you

Exhibit d) stating the obvious

Newsflash: There is no ice fairy. If you do not have the courtesy to refill the ice trays (especially in 100 degree weather) do not take any ice.

SHOCKING NEWSFLASH: Dishes don't wash themselves

NEWSFLASH Bush: One of the Worst Disasters to Hit the U.S.

related: No offense! (just kidding) No worries! (just kidding)

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Facebook · garbage · ice · Moms & Dads · office · roommates · sarcasm · thanks (but not really) · whiteboard

Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

March 14th, 2008 · 87 Comments

Before I pass out, I bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of Austin.

First, from Scoot Inn…

TO GAIN ENTRY OR "COME IN" YOU WILL NEED $2

More bouncer sass from (I think) Beerland…

From (I think) beerland

And lastly, from Emo’s

I don't know about you...but I sure as hell wouldn't want someone else's sweaty-ass, filthy grimey fingers in the clean ice I drink w/.  So keep the fuck out! Thanx

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: Austin · ice · money

Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

June 20th, 2007 · 35 Comments

Exhibit a) From Richmond, Virginia: the pedantic approach

How to Make Ice 1. If the ice tray is not empty — empty remaining cubes into white container on freezer door. (Please do not just fill the empty holes - it makes getting the frozen ones out impossible.) 2. Fill ice tray with water. 3. Put back in freezer

Exhibit b) From Minneapolis: the conditional approach

If you are unwilling to refill the ice cube trays, do not use the ice. Thanks in advance.

Exhibit c) From Hartford, Connecticut: the ALL for one and one for ALL approach

ICE. PLEASE TAKE ONLY A COUPLE OF ICE CUBES...These ice cubes are for ALL staff and for meetings. Please be sure that ice receptacle is pushed ALL the way BACK in the freezer!

Exhibit d) From Dallas: the federal government’s approach

Those that don't fill up the ice trays after emptying them, should be taken out and SHOT! RESPECT others...

(Thanks to Erik and Kim for their submissions.)

related: To the ICE GOBBLERS

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · ice · office