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Entries Tagged as 'kids'

Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 Comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

Tags: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.

Lean, Green & Mean

June 28th, 2011 · 44 Comments

“I was the third child,” says Kathy in Colorado, “so my mom didn’t have time to take nearly as many notes about my development as she did for my brother and sister.”

And speaking of developmental milestones…Kathy’s older sister was just 42 years old when she finally fessed up to adding this note of her own to one of the few non-blank pages of Kathy’s baby book.

walking on her own 9/19 (12 1/2 mo.) so what I can walk on my own too!

related: S is for Sibling Rivalry

Tags: kids · siblings

Happy Father’s Day from!

June 17th, 2011 · 19 Comments

While babysitting her sister’s kids, Allison in Pennsylvania found the card her nieces made for Father’s Day. (Knowing her brother-in-law, she says, “I can understand why they only love him sometimes.”)

Dad We love you sometimes. Tay + Amber + Kelsey

related: “Dear Dad, I hate you less than I hate Mom.”

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads

Teacher Appreciation: Letters from First Graders

June 6th, 2011 · 23 Comments

I happen to have a lot of friends who are teachers, and it kills me when they say things like, “Oh, I confiscated the funniest passive-aggressive note today from a kid in my class. I wish I could give it to you, but I don’t want to lose my job.” (Of course, given the state of education funding in Texas, that’s not mere paranoia talking.)

Luckily, there are enough self-aware parents out there like Carmen (a.k.a. “drunk mommy”) to fill the kids say the dardnest fuckin’ shit category of notes that some of you love and some of you can’t stand.

One of those parents is Sheila in Indiana. Her first grader, Andrew, “has had a rough year,” Sheila says, “and is in trouble for talking too much every single day.” When she gave him a card to sign for Teacher Appreciation Day, this is what he wrote.

I am sorry about the school year! Andrew

Meanwhile, Jessie in Utah says that for teacher appreciation day at her first grader’s school, the kids were all asked to write something they appreciated about their teacher on paper butterflies displayed on the door and wall outside the classroom. The anonymous nature of the project seems to have yielded mixed results.

Thank you for yelling at us. I love you. Your a great teacher. Your the best teacher in the world, Hail to Mrs. [Redacted], Long live the Queen. Blah blah.

To wrap things up, I just had to pull out this first grader’s letter from the archives. (And no, like many notes on this site, it isn’t passive-aggressive — or even mean-spirited — just adorably bizarre.)

Dear Mr. [Redacted],  You were the best teacher a student could ever have!  I love my class too!  I am sad that I'm going to second grade.  If I had a choice between you getting killed and my favorite tree getting chopped down, I would choose my favorite tree getting chopped down.

related: (Not) so nice, (Not) so smart

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · schools & teachers

A Mother’s Day Report Card

May 5th, 2011 · 37 Comments

Jill from Baltimore is in her early 30s now, so she has enough distance from her childhood self to laugh at the passive-aggressiveness of this Mother’s Day card she made when she 11 or 12. “I love that I used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to not only tell my mom how great she is, but also to not-so-subtly point out her shortcomings.”

Report Card For: Mom Helping me with Math homework - Average Playing Tennis - Excellent Cleaning Laundry - Excellent Being a Mom - Excellent!!! Cooking Dinner - N/A Shopping for my clothes - Great Taking me Places - Great

(If you were wondering about the “NA,” Dad did the cooking.)

related: Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

Tags: Baltimore · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes

Sure, blame it on the kids

April 24th, 2011 · 175 Comments

“My neighbor taped this note to my door,” says Valerie in Portland. “I don’t know who scratched her car, but I do know she could benefit from spell check.” (Harumph.)

Attn. Val...Please do not park next to our car as we keep Finding Key marks now dents in my doors, as you don't watch your Kids! I will make a claim if this persists if you even have insurence [sic]...Please respect, thank you!

related: Unattended children will be shot.

Tags: car · kids · neighbors · parking · Portland

The Bad Moms Club (see, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT true)

April 11th, 2011 · 61 Comments

When my younger brother Danny was around 6 or 7, I remember he brought home a project he’d done in school — a little book entitled “My Family,” or something like that. I don’t recall what he said about the rest of us, but on the page about our mother, he had written: “MOM BRINGS DINNER,” complete with a stick-figure drawing of her with McDonald’s bags in both hands. We all laughed about it, but I think my mother was still pretty mortified —  and god only knows what his teacher thought.

Well, Mom, allow me to introduce you to Carmen: you two might be able to commiserate. When her son (who is, coincidentally, also named Daniel) was 6, his first grade teacher had the kids write little journal entries about their weekends every Monday. This was Daniel’s. (The teacher’s feedback is my favorite part.)

17 MARCH MY NEWS: I WENT TO MY FRIEND LUCAS HOUSE. MY MOM GOT DRUNK. [Teacher:] Oh my goodness me! It's important for mom to let her hair down once in a while!

Carmen is quick to add that she was most definitely not “drunk” — in fact, on this particular occasion, she hadn’t had a single alcoholic beverage. But just try explaining that to the school guidance counselor…

related: Just in case you haven’t gotten your fix of working mom guilt…your kid’s preschool teacher is ready to step up!

extra credit: Red Party Cups for Classy Moms

Tags: drizzunk · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · schools & teachers

S is for Sibling Rivalry

April 4th, 2011 · 53 Comments

For a second-grade assignment, Gayle‘s daughter Martha, age 7, was assigned to write an acrostic poem about a family member, using descriptive words beginning with each letter of their title (Mother, Grandpa, etc.) Martha chose to compose this loving ode to her SISTER.

S is for Soccer I for for incredible S if for screaming T is for a turd E is for easily gets mad R is for a rat

related: The rift that keeps on giving

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · pure poetry · siblings

See you never again in my life

March 6th, 2011 · 101 Comments

Writes Tracie in Sleaford, England: “My daughter Daisy (9) is a super kid…until she’s asked to tidy her room.”

(Then she’s just downright adorable.)

To Mum: I'm going to run away because your [sic] being mean to me. If you want to know where I am I'm at Fillets or the Co-ope or McDonalds. See you never again in my life. Daisy

P.S. “Fillets” is the name of the fish & chip shop in town.

related: (I’m Gonna) Run Away

Tags: kids · McDonalds · most popular notes of 2011 · U.K. · your/you're

It’s hard being an 11-year-old girl.

February 15th, 2011 · 37 Comments

Katie doesn’t remember writing this note (which she found while going through old papers of her mom’s) but says, “I do feel sorry for little 11-year-old me, having to deal with being falsely accused of *gasp* faking illness to get out of school, and then having to deal with the humiliation of public grandma affection.”

Adds Katie: “My favorite part is at the beginning where I unintentionally implied that my mother was some kind of slut. (At the time, she worked around a lot of truckers and always had funny stories about them trying to hit on her.) Also, you can totally tell that we had worked on letter-writing/dialogue skills in school recently.”

Dear Mom, I love you a WHOLE LOT! You are a really cool and pretty person. Just ask Benjamin, Kerry, and all your other boys! I want to tell you what Granny said this morning. She said,

related: A thinly veiled tattletale

extra credit: “I Enjoy Being a Girl, Sort of” [This American Life]

Tags: Grandma · kids · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love