Entries Tagged as 'kids'

S is for Sibling Rivalry

April 4th, 2011 · 53 Comments

For a second-grade assignment, Gayle‘s daughter Martha, age 7, was assigned to write an acrostic poem about a family member, using descriptive words beginning with each letter of their title (Mother, Grandpa, etc.) Martha chose to compose this loving ode to her SISTER.

S is for Soccer I for for incredible S if for screaming T is for a turd E is for easily gets mad R is for a rat

related: The rift that keeps on giving

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2011 · pure poetry · siblings

See you never again in my life

March 6th, 2011 · 101 Comments

Writes Tracie in Sleaford, England: “My daughter Daisy (9) is a super kid…until she’s asked to tidy her room.”

(Then she’s just downright adorable.)

To Mum: I'm going to run away because your [sic] being mean to me. If you want to know where I am I'm at Fillets or the Co-ope or McDonalds. See you never again in my life. Daisy

P.S. “Fillets” is the name of the fish & chip shop in town.

related: (I’m Gonna) Run Away

Tags: kids · McDonalds · most popular notes of 2011 · U.K. · your/you're

It’s hard being an 11-year-old girl.

February 15th, 2011 · 37 Comments

Katie doesn’t remember writing this note (which she found while going through old papers of her mom’s) but says, “I do feel sorry for little 11-year-old me, having to deal with being falsely accused of *gasp* faking illness to get out of school, and then having to deal with the humiliation of public grandma affection.”

Adds Katie: “My favorite part is at the beginning where I unintentionally implied that my mother was some kind of slut. (At the time, she worked around a lot of truckers and always had funny stories about them trying to hit on her.) Also, you can totally tell that we had worked on letter-writing/dialogue skills in school recently.”

Dear Mom, I love you a WHOLE LOT! You are a really cool and pretty person. Just ask Benjamin, Kerry, and all your other boys! I want to tell you what Granny said this morning. She said,

related: A thinly veiled tattletale

extra credit: “I Enjoy Being a Girl, Sort of” [This American Life]

Tags: Grandma · kids · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

Under the Christmas tree next year: a copy of “The Gas We Pass”

December 28th, 2010 · 55 Comments

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

I am running away because you think I farted and I didn't.  P.S. You are mean.

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan JettWhen you can’t blame the dog

Tags: a little insensitive · Christmas · Detroit · family · flatulence · kids · p.s.

Poultry Slam

November 24th, 2010 · 52 Comments

When Lola was 7, she says, “Our class assignment was to write a story about our favorite Thanksgiving memories. I wrote this…and then proudly presented it to my Grandmother as a gift.”

A tourkeys ideae of thanksgiving is murder, vialance, and death. Turkeys think of thanksgiving as a war. So keep this in mind, and remember what turkeys think of thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

related: Dear Santa, do you abuse your animals?

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2010 · Thanksgiving

Another 4-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in.

October 28th, 2010 · 128 Comments

With Halloween upon us, it’s not just uprooted flowers that are breaking the hearts of 4-year-olds around the world. Now entire families (of pumpkins) are being destroyed!

PLEASE DO NOT steal our pumpkins! Our four year old daughter was heart broken about seeing HER pumpkin busted in the street. We DID have a momma pumpkin, a daddy pumpkin and a baby pumpkin, we were planning on carving them as a FAMILY this weekend. You took our JOY when you STOLE our pumpkin.

Once again, this compulsive over-sharing seems to be a uniquely American phenomenon. As Archie in Brighton witnessed, the Brits manage to get straight to the bloody point.

Who ever stole our kids pumpkin we hope it chokes you. Sarah, Kevin and the children cared and watered the pumpkin patch for weeks.

related: People suck. (A valuable lesson for any four-year-old)

Tags: guilt trip · Halloween · kids · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children?

People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old)

October 21st, 2010 · 160 Comments

Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Dear Thief, A child helped to plant the flowers you stole - so that everyone could enjoy them. She is 4 years old and loves puzzles, nature, and learning new things. You have introduced the topic of 'stealing' into our conversations; and in response we are talking about anger, reasoning and loss. I'm telling you this because I would like you to replace the plants. I could say more offensive things that she cannot yet spell - but aren't, in a sometimes disappointing world; forgiveness and redemption greater things to believe in, and 'please' a nicer word to say - this is a request and an opportunity for yourself. Santa may come for you after all!

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

To the person/s who ripped out the flowers - could you please explain your motives to the 4 year old who planted and watered them daily. He doesn't yet understand what an arsehole is!

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)

Tags: Australia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · rhetorical question · runaway run-on sentences · semicolon abuse · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children? · You call that punctuation?

(Not) So Nice, (Not) So Smart

September 15th, 2010 · 58 Comments

Joe is an elementary school teacher in Long Beach, California. On the last day of summer school, he got this goodbye letter from one of his students. “It was really cute and sweet,” Joe says. “However, she does mention in the card that I am ‘not that smart.’ I asked her why she thought that, and apparently it’s because she saw me ask another teacher a question about grammar. Hilarious.”

You are so funny, and not that smart

Brandy in Citrus Heights, California received a note with a similar mixed message from her then-six-year-old daughter, who’s now 14. Really, I’m just glad just this letter wasn’t signed “love, your girlfriend.” Because that would not be cute.

I love you very much and you are very nice. I hope you stay with me forever and ever even though you are mean to me. I still love you! Love your daughter Ocean.

related: Mommy, I love you sometimes!!!!

extra credit: So Nice, So Smart [iLike]

Tags: California · kids · Mother-daughter notes · schools & teachers · signed with love

A thinly veiled tattletale

August 19th, 2010 · 27 Comments

While sorting through some old papers, Christina in Natick, Massachusetts was about to throw away this childhood note she had written to her Mom (and Dad too!), when her husband, Aaron, intervened. (Apparently no amount of coaxing could tease out exactly what horrible sin Paul committed, so feel free to speculate wildly.)

Dear Mom, Paul was not nice to me while you were away. I don't want to to tell you what he did because I love you very much. (Dad, too) Hope you had a good time, you know. Love, Christina P.S. Brigid is a pain right where I sit!

P.S. Hope you enjoyed it, you know.

related: Be sure to say goodbye forever

Tags: heart · kids · Moms & Dads · p.s. · siblings · signed with love

The mother-son relationship is always “special”

August 11th, 2010 · 53 Comments

At the local community centre, Isabel in Bolton, England (Home of the “White Men”) spotted this board put together by some Sunday School children entitled “My Mum is Special.” (Kudos to the teachers for allowing the kids considerable latitude in how they chose to define “special.”)

My Mum is special because...She is very forgetfull [sic] and never listens. -Jacob

related: My Mommy is special because she has a potty mouth.

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · U.K.