PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » kinda creepy

In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

Kerry — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:53:00 +0000

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

The Stupidbomber Manifesto

Kerry — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 02:25:24 +0000

After Adam’s car got broken into while parked in his own driveway, he decided to install a motion-activated security light. Several months later, he received this note in the mail — stamped and all — from one of his (kinda totally creepy) Connecticut neighbors. Adam, perhaps it’s time to take the home security system up a notch?

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related: Stupid is as stuiped does

Diagnosis: Toilet (an exercise in psychoceramics)

Kerry — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 00:06:40 +0000

Is your toilet acting up again? Has your plumber already thrown up his hands and said he’s done everything he can? Perhaps it’s time you turned to Dr. Josiah Carberry, foremost expert in psychoceramics, to determine what’s really got your pot cracked.

Just take a look at these real-life examples:

1. Diagnosis: Irritable Bowl Syndrome

2. Diagnosis: Gross motor skill impairment

3. Diagnosis: Projection and Displacement behaviors potentially indicative of a narcissistic personality type…or too many episodes of The Sopranos

(Thanks to Adam in New York, Janet in Northern Virginia, and Tamie in Tampa for their submissions…and apologies to any readers offended by the excessive use of puns.)

No more dipping into the day care baby dippers

Kerry — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 03:48:13 +0000

“Typically, the people at my son’s day care just tell me when he’s running low on diapers or they write a note on his daily progress report,” says Lindsey in Peoria, Illinois. “Last time I forgot, and he had to use a few of theirs. I guess this was his teacher’s passive-aggressive [Ed. note: AND TOTALLY CREEPY] way of ensuring that I’d remember this time.”

(It worked.)

Scottish blinking balls

Kerry — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 16:24:09 +0000

I don’t know what this note is really about — Shane in Dallas just said he found it on the bulletin board in his apartment building — but I know I definitely won’t be stopping by #2913 to “talk” it over.

(It just, uh, doesn’t sound like my scene.)

There are crazy people out there, you know

Kerry — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 11:00:58 +0000

“We custom-ordered some stamps with our youngest daughter’s face on it to mail birthday party invitations,” writes Pablo in Virginia. “There were extras, so we used them to pay some bills.” Apparently, one of those envelope recipients found this small act of thrift somewhat less than adorable.

Adds Pablo: “The creepy part? This note was deposited in our mailbox anonymously, making us think the real crazy person is the author.”

What exactly are you trying to say?

Kerry — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 20:28:58 +0000

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).

Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.

Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.

If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.

related: Sweet & Lowdown

The cat came back…this time.

Kerry — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:45:47 +0000

“This note magically appeared one day in our letter box late last year from an obviously unhappy neighbour,” says Anthony in Melbourne, Australia. “To this day we still don’t know the cat-hater, the cat owner, or the cat.”

News bites

Kerry — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:32:32 +0000

Writes Jarrod in Australia: “This was published in the local newspaper where my sister is a reporter. On first observation, it doesn’t seem like much of a passive-aggressive note, but the backstory behind it is that the owner of the paper has been refusing to have the building sprayed for spiders, thinking it unnecessary.” The staff’s response?

“For the record,” Jarrod adds, “the redback spider is related to the black widow, but more toxic (has killed people, but not recently).”

extra credit: The Death of Print Journalism

Something to ponder

Kerry — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:52:29 +0000

Nathan in Norman, Oklahoma doesn’t know the writers of either of these notes, but when he saw this exchange on a fellow student’s drafting board in his architecture studio class, he knew it needed to be documented.

related: who’s the smartass?

Unattended children will be shot.

Kerry — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 22:18:03 +0000

As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)

This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…

Hilarious, right?

Maybe if you had just an itty-bitty limp?

Kerry — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:22:10 +0000

First of all, the disclaimer: Our anonymous submitter in Houston lives in an apartment complex with very limited parking for residents. “When I come home from work late at night,” she explains, “the handicapped parking spot is typically the only one available.” That excuse, however, doesn’t seem to cut it for one of her neighbors.

As you’ll see from the note left on our submitter’s windshield, this eagle-eyed neighbor perhaps isn’t what you’d call “book-smart,” but — gosh darn it — what she lacks in basic spelling and grammar skills she more than makes up for with raw gumption and a steely sense of self-righteousness!

[Rough translation, from our anonymous submitter: "I see that you are not handicapped, but you park in the handicapped parking spot in our apartment complex. I am not handicapped, and I don't know anyone in the complex who is, but I feel entitled to tell you to stop parking there. Furthermore, I feel entitled enough to have your car towed if you park there again."]

related: Mahvelous, just mahvelous

A little advice for the ladies

Kerry — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:15:56 +0000

…courtesy of the hapless young lads of North America.

As documented by Kimberlee in Lawrence, Kansas:

And by Grant in Toronto, Canada:

Happy breakup season, everyone!

related: Some dating advice

Panty raid!

Kerry — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:00:09 +0000

Caitlin at Ontario College didn’t write this note, but she feels for the person who did — she and four friends on her floor also had panties go missing from the dorm laundry room. “The thief seemed to particularly prefer black thongs,” she says. (Unlike the notewriter, however, they don’t necessarily want them back.)

Since then, however, it seems the thief may have (ahem) moved south of the border. The female residents of Alexis’s apartment building in Seattle are now facing a similar problem.

And then…well, then there’s Japan. Jason spotted this note in Tokyo when he was staying there a few years back. Unfortunately, he never got the whole story, but that might be for the best.

related: Are you there, Margaret?

extra credit: Panty thief busted, then busted up [the smoking gun]
Panty thief jailed for laundry larceny [msnbc]