PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » dishwasher

The needy little dishwasher

Kerry — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:00:22 +0000

Dear poor, neglected automatic dishwasher: have you considered therapy? (Adds Ben in London: “God help us if somebody pisses off the kettle.”)

Meanwhile, in Texas…

related: When dishwashers speak

Your mother doesn’t work here…so security will have to escort her out.

Kerry — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:07:19 +0000

I think this has got to be my new favorite (unintentional) twist on the old “your mother doesn’t work here” trope. So congratulations, overbearing office manager! The three hours of company time you spent searching for just the right clip art — not to mention your charmingly cavalier disregard for spell-check — did not go unappreciated!

P.S. I promise, from now on, I will be sure to always clean and scrub the delicious Italian rice balls so graciously provided by the Phantom Mammas infiltrating our kitchen.

The most unpleasant of pleasantries

Kerry — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:25:16 +0000

So, Jen in Ontario, Canada just moved into a new shared living arrangement…with a 50-something lady. “I thought having an older person as a roommate would more peaceful,” she explains. “Turns out I was wrong.” Communication skills, it seems, aren’t one of those things that necessarily improve with age.

Within a week of moving in, Jen says, there were “helpful instructions” taped up all around the house. After that, the notes just kept coming, accusing Jen of everything from filling the dishwasher with soy sauce to sabotaging the tea kettle — always book-ended by a “Pls” and “Thank you,” of course. Because that’s how mature adults act.

related: The Post-it Wars

The sink half-empty

Kerry — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 01:48:53 +0000

Our anonymous submitter sneakily snapped a photo of the whiteboard at a friend’s house in Urbana, Illinois.

When dishwashers speak

Kerry — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:58:47 +0000

I didn’t think i’d ever see a kitchen appliance more inappropriately anthropomorphized than this fridge, but I think this dishwasher note (from an anonymous submitter in England) dials the WTF-factor up to 11.

P.S. Bacon is life

Kerry — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 18:57:49 +0000

The Coast newspaper in Halifax recently invited its readers to share their “passive-aggressive roommate tales.” (Gee, what a novel idea!)

My favorite part:

Excerpts from a 34-point note sent to a former roommate:

2. Your rent was always late and it was not paid in full.

4. You used the dishes and baking ware that we provided to you and often did not clean them, left them to ruin, or left them for someone else to clean because you were too busy rushing out the door to go party when you had all day off. If you have all day off, do something more than try to find someone, anyone to hang out with that night that just so happens to have a car and is willing to pick your lazy ass up.

22. Your friends have no right to use and mess up our bathroom. You have your own, it’s part of your room. Also, if they are going to be putting fruit remains in our garbage can, have them removed before they rot. While we’re on the subject…

23. Fruit flies. Need I say more?

25. We were quite upset that you didn’t buy us anything for Christmas worth more than $3. It’s not the money really, but $1.50 each, that’s just insulting. We noticed that week you borrowed money from your current fling to go out and party. I hope you did buy a self-help book at Chapters like you said you were planning.

29. When people have to work very early in the morning, like at 5am, it’s not very nice to have your loud-mouthed boyfriend chatting with you all night, take it somewhere else. Like his mom’s house where he still lives…

30. The clogged toilet thing, you got off easy on that one. Plumbing and property damage is a lot more important than rushing out the door to hang out with your friends. Prioritize.

33. The comment you made about being the type of person who can’t live with someone is something you should take serious consideration of. How are you going to continue living your faux Sex and the City lifestyle if your goal in life is to find a man you can live with, and if you are not the type of person that can actually live with someone?” B.M.

Full story here; another choice excerpt after the jump.

Bottle baby

“This was his first time living on his own, he was a second-year university student, his parents did everything for him…cook, clean, buy food, laundry, etc. His room was beside mine. He would play his music loud, leave his dirty sweaty sports clothes all around the common areas. He had NO idea that dishes were washed by people and not some magical dish fairy or house elf. Me and the other roommates tried being subtle, from polite Post-Its on dirty dishes and his various stinking things left around.

Enough was enough, we had to take matters into our own hands. He had a date one night, he cooked her a meal at the flat. Afterwards he left the dirty dishes, uneaten food on the kitchen counter. We took all those dirty dishes, pots and pans, and food and put them in his bed. After he and his date came home, and decided to “get it on,” he found the dishes and such in his bed. He put them on the table outside his door. They stayed there for days until we washed them ourselves because they stank.

In the bathroom he would often leave his shaved whiskers in the sink, use half a roll of toilet paper in one trip, use all of our shampoo, etc. So. Enough was enough. We put onion salt on his toothbrush several times. He didn’t notice. Finally, after he used most of my expensive shampoo I snapped. I urinated in the shampoo bottle, there was only about an inch left of shampoo, I shook it all up to mix it in. I bought new shampoo that I kept in my room. He continued to use the urinated shampoo. He never clued in. I never told him.

I went to get my wisdom teeth out. When I got home later I found out he had ransacked my room looking for something he had left at the gym. I was furious. I called his mother. She came into town with his uncle’s truck, packed up his stuff, gave us a cheque and took him home for the summer. To this day, I have never seen him again.” B.W.

Perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

Kerry — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 01:12:09 +0000

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

Special people garage

Kerry — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:37:27 +0000

This is a special note indeed. The idiosyncratic spelling, spacing, and bolding are fascinating — and I love how the third sentence is so rhetorical it doesn’t even deserve a question mark. I think what I enjoy most, however, is the after-the-fact realization that the desired action here just wasn’t quite explicit enough.

(Thanks to Molly in Washington, D.C. for submitting!)

is that a question or a command!?!?

Kerry — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 18:42:53 +0000

found on the company dishwasher by pete m.at the bottom: “if you would like a lesson in telling the difference between the machine being on or not, please see reception.” (now that’s a power point presentation i’d love to see.)