PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » kitchen

I did the dishes! Where’s my cookie?

Kerry — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 23:47:12 +0000

Explains our submitter in Ohio: ”Before leaving for winter break, the chronic dish-neglecting roommate of the house tried her hand at washing dishes for the first time.” Not content to pat herself on the back, she then posted this rationalization for why she shouldn’t have to feel guilty about the dirty dishes she’s left in the sink all year.

You can pretty much guess how that went over with the roomies…

Why can’t I turn this toaster on?

Kerry — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 03:48:06 +0000

Instead of letting the Facilities Dept. know that the toaster was broken, the folks in Catherine’s office opted to collaboratively solve the problem Apollo-13 style, using only the paper products found in the office supply cabinet.

The major difference? This time, failure was an option.

The needy little dishwasher

Kerry — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:00:22 +0000

Dear poor, neglected automatic dishwasher: have you considered therapy? (Adds Ben in London: “God help us if somebody pisses off the kettle.”)

Meanwhile, in Texas…

related: When dishwashers speak

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

Kerry — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:58:01 +0000

At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

I pita the fool

Kerry — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 21:41:15 +0000

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

No “cat parts” in the sink

Kerry — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:31:01 +0000

Our submitter found the following signage at an engineering office in Salt Lake City, Utah. Adds our submitter: “For the life of me I can’t figure out what ‘cat parts’ is supposed to refer to — or why people would need a note to know it’s not appropriate to leave them in the kitchen sink.”

P.S. When I did a quick Google Image Search for “cat parts,” I ended up here:

related: “Place feral cats in box”

Death by a Thousand Puns

Kerry — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 02:41:51 +0000

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

There’s no “I” in Sarcasm

Kerry — Thu, 26 May 2011 01:44:32 +0000

“Every week there seems to be a new note in the office kitchen repeating the exact same thing,” says chenry in Canada. “Lately they’ve been threatening to throw away the dishes if you leave them in the sink, but they never do that either.”

(click the image below to enlarge)

“Now someone’s added his own sign taking the piss out of the rest.”

Warning: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Kerry — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:18:54 +0000

I don’t ever condone passive-aggressive note-writing, but you should be warned: hard-core Diet Coke drinkers do not fool around. (Trust me — I’m a recovering addict myself.)

related: Enough with the diet sodas!

Please clear your unused microwave time: now with more questionable statistics!

Kerry — Tue, 10 May 2011 03:04:45 +0000

Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)

Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)

This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.

Oh Grandpa, you tell the funniest bedtime stories!

Kerry — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 03:18:55 +0000

Hannah spotted this gem above the sink of dirty dishes in her San Francisco office.

I can feel your teeth clenching from here :)

Kerry — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:22:43 +0000

Be afraid, roomies. Be very afraid.

related: I don’t complain.

This thing is mine!

Kerry — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 02:11:13 +0000

Mara’s office kitchen in New York City is shared by over 50 people, but they don’t play by kindergarten rules. (Yoohoo, Elaine? You might have a kindred spirit up in here.)

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

Kerry — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 21:26:43 +0000

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)