Entries Tagged as 'kitchen'

I pita the fool

August 17th, 2011 · 86 Comments

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

This is a dip; it should be accompanied by another piece of food such as a pita chip, pita bread, etc. Not to be eaten with just a spoon.

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

related: The most inane thing since sliced bread

Tags: "helpful" advice · a matter of taste · Father-son notes · food · fridge · Massachusetts

No “cat parts” in the sink

August 11th, 2011 · 33 Comments

Our submitter found the following signage at an engineering office in Salt Lake City, Utah. Adds our submitter: “For the life of me I can’t figure out what ‘cat parts’ is supposed to refer to — or why people would need a note to know it’s not appropriate to leave them in the kitchen sink.”

[Note 1:] Please Do Not Leave "cat parts" in the sink. Thanks. [Note 2:] Then we need a designated cat parts receptacle. Where else am I supposed to put my leftover cat parts?

P.S. When I did a quick Google Image Search for “cat parts,” I ended up here:

related: “Place feral cats in box”

Tags: cats · kitchen · office · rebuttals · Salt Lake City · smartass · Utah · WTF?

Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

Tags: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons

There’s no “I” in Sarcasm

May 25th, 2011 · 28 Comments

“Every week there seems to be a new note in the office kitchen repeating the exact same thing,” says chenry in Canada. “Lately they’ve been threatening to throw away the dishes if you leave them in the sink, but they never do that either.”

(click the image below to enlarge)

Moving forward...any dishes left in the dish rack or sink overnight will be thrown out.

“Now someone’s added his own sign taking the piss out of the rest.”

Moving forward we will need more signs regarding the proper care and placement of dishes. Repeating details of how and when to use the dish rack will be crucial to our ongoing success as a floor. We can do this with everyone pitching in! Thank you, The Pulp & Paper Industry

related: You want clip art? Oh, we’ll give you clip art.

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Canada · dishes · in the name of teamwork · kitchen · sarcasm

Warning: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

May 10th, 2011 · 108 Comments

I don’t ever condone passive-aggressive note-writing, but you should be warned: hard-core Diet Coke drinkers do not fool around. (Trust me — I’m a recovering addict myself.)

The Beverage [sic] you are about to consume doesn't belong to you :( Are we playing finders keepers I think NOT? Don't I look delicious? Too bad...get your own :) OMG! Did...you...buy me?! ... NO. Hi! I'm not yours :) PUT ME DOWN!

Dear Diet Coke Thief, I understand your sentiment. Diet Coke IS the nectar of the gods, and I can see how one might think that taking someone else's cold drink would be fairly innocuous, but in truth, it's not. Frankly it's crushing. Please stop. Sincerely, A fellow Diet Coke enthusiast & seemingly, your Coke supplier :)

Further deficiencies in the Diet Coke supply will be remedied by waterboarding and dismemberment of the Management.

related: Enough with the diet sodas!

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Diet Coke · fridge · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · sad face · smiley · stealing

Please clear your unused microwave time: now with more questionable statistics!

May 9th, 2011 · 84 Comments

Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)

Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)

Did you know?  The "Remaining Time" display on a microwave can use up to 30% more energy than the clock does?  The clock only updates once a minute, flashing the time is much more frequent. So be green. Clear your time when you're done cooking. Every little bit helps.

This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.

Please clear any unused time off the microwave when you are finished. Some of us have OCD and leftover time drives us crazy. -Thanks!

related: Some of have OCD and unused microwave time drives us crazy

Tags: dubious scientific claims · energy usage · microwave · Milwaukee · office · questionable logic · The Earth · Wisconsin · WTF?

Oh Grandpa, you tell the funniest bedtime stories!

April 12th, 2011 · 65 Comments

Hannah spotted this gem above the sink of dirty dishes in her San Francisco office.

Someday when you're wondering why you're alone and society has all but crumbled around you, you'll think back to the dishes you left in the sink and you'll say

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!!

Tags: dishes · guilt trip · kids today · most popular notes of 2011 · San Francisco · TL;DR

I can feel your teeth clenching from here :)

March 22nd, 2011 · 74 Comments

Be afraid, roomies. Be very afraid.

maybe someone should do the dishes? because it kind of smells like shit in here :D (i won't be doing them because I've done them the last 4-5 times) LOVE YOU GUYS :)

related: I don’t complain.

Tags: "helpful" advice · dishes · martyr complex · odor · roommates · signed with love · smiley

This thing is mine!

February 24th, 2011 · 72 Comments

Mara’s office kitchen in New York City is shared by over 50 people, but they don’t play by kindergarten rules. (Yoohoo, Elaine? You might have a kindred spirit up in here.)

Pitcher: This is my pitcher, Not your Pitcher. Do not take what is not yours. Your mother would be very disappointed in you. Box: THIS THING IS MINE! IT'S NOT YOURS! I PUT IT HERE TO MAKE SURE THE SPACE IN THE KITCHEN WASN'T LEFT OPEN FOR EVERYBODY AS IT'S INTENDED. I DESERVE THIS SPACE MORE THAN YOU, SO HANDS OFF MY RANDOM THING!

related: Everything else in the refrigerator belongs to everybody else.

Tags: guilt trip · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sharing is caring · smartass

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

November 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

The AYS staff is leaving dirty dishes behind the front desk. Eating is not allowed in the offices unless it is something minor like a bagel or a company sponsored meal like pizza. AYS associates are to take their breaks and eat in the Outback. Surfing the web while having a STINKY BURRITO and then leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up is not how we do it here. If you cannot abide by this we will address it using progressive discipline as outlined in the Associate Handbook.

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Hi all, It is with regret that I have to circulate the following email. Please understand that I would not send this message if it was not a big problem for me. As a person that is severely sensitive to smells I have to ask for your help. I am very sensitive to body odour and hope that folks in the office can be aware of this and try to minimize odour for the comfort of all office staff, including specifically me. Our space is small and when in a small room together the odours can be quite strong. Stale body odour on clothes can be avoided by regularly washing and changing clothes. Keep one's breath fresh, regular brushing, using mouthwash or breath mints/gum. Also, to avoid spreading germs to other office staff, given the onset of flu season, please wash hands frequently. Sneeze into a Kleenex and discard right away or sneeze into your sleeve not your hands. If you are under the weather the HR policy allows for sick time, so please stay home until you are better.

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · all-staff e-mail · Comic Sans Alert · dishes · fired · food · hygiene · memo · message to all intended for one · odor · office cop · Ontario · Tulsa