Entries Tagged as 'kitchen'

Keeping peace in the sinks of the Middle East

April 2nd, 2009 · 168 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Tel Aviv spotted this note outside the kitchenette of a client’s office. In case your Hebrew is a little rusty, she also provided an English translation:

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of "for fuck's sake,"] do it quietly!

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of

Adds our submitter: “Presumably, noise is a problem — I was just tickled by how much I was permitted to do, as long as I kept my mouth shut.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Middle East, the U.S. Armed forces aren’t quite so “anything goes.” Except, apparently, when it comes to shitting in the shower.

Oh oh oh, you said DO NOT do

related: Why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?

Tags: Hebrew · kitchen · military · noise · office · shit · The Middle East

More notes white (yuppie-ish) people leave

March 30th, 2009 · 247 Comments

Quelle horreur!  “A good week after using my roommate’s microplane to grate parmesan, this note showed up on the fridge whiteboard,” writes Tori in (where else?) San Francisco. “Apparently microplanes are for ZESTING ONLY!”

Microplane zester is not a cheese grater.

(unless, of course, it’s a microplane zester/grater.)

related: notes white people leave

Tags: "helpful" advice · kitchen · roommates · San Francisco · whiteboard

All the makings of a great Noah Baumbach screenplay

March 25th, 2009 · 248 Comments

Victoria in Foster city, California, says her brother taped this note to one of the kitchen cabinets in their mother’s house after her boyfriend took his own frozen chicken out of little brother’s grasp the night before. (Just to clarify that mess of pronouns: it was Victoria’s boyfriend’s chicken. Not that it really matters.)

Kitchen Rules

“He’s 17 and constantly PMS-ing and thinks he has reign of the house,” Victoria says of her brother. So, in response, Victoria did whatever any older sibling does when a parent tells you to suck it up and act your age. (Namely: exactly the opposite.)

New "house" rules: pubescent adolescents don't make house rules

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

related: no girls allowed

Tags: California · family · kitchen · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · siblings

Girls gone wild…with colored markers

March 10th, 2009 · 129 Comments

You decide: which masterpiece is most worthy of the Lisa Frank award for the most artistic expression of repressed rage?

Is it Exhibit a, from a hip-hop retail store in California?

Clean up after urself ur momma ain't here NO FOOD DOWN THE DRAIN

Exhibit b, from an American college dorm?

Stop going out the side door plz you're fucking lazy and really dumb! And the alarm is fucking annoying! k thnx

Or Exhibit c, from a shared apartment in Guelph, Ontario?

BRING BOWLS DOWNSTAIRS with love :)

Oh, and ladies? As you busy yourself with your construction paper and colored markers, never forget the most disgusting thing!

related: What, no bubble letters?

Tags: art · college life · dishes · disturbingly detailed · heart · rainbow-colored · signed with love · smiley · Your mother doesn't...

Deviled egg, anyone?

January 26th, 2009 · 119 Comments

As Rick in Tennessee can attest, sharing a fridge with more than two unrelated roommates can get tricky — even in the rare event that everyone manages to keep their paws to themselves. The upside? “While there’s no space in the fridge for food, I’ll never have to worry about running out of condiments.”

Things we DON'T need

Meanwhile, in Washington…

regarding my mustard

related: Crying over sour milk

Tags: D.C. · fridge · roommates · Tennessee

The nerd’s guide to passive-aggressive behavior

December 15th, 2008 · 73 Comments

We’ve received several copies of this instructive flowchart, which the helpful illustrators of Graph jam have made available to coffee watchdogs the world over.

The nerd's guide to not leaving the fucking coffee pot empty

Seeing people print their passive-aggressive flowcharts off the Internet makes our resident nerd, Eric, sentimental for simpler times. He quietly reflects on time spent wandering the halls of Brown University’s CS department back in 2007. In those days, tech-minded individuals still made patronizing flowcharts the old-fashioned way, using OpenOffice on Linux.

Did you just take an ice cube?

Though such documents are most commonly spotted in offices populated by engineers and other technically inclined folk, even Kerry — who is not earning her Ph.d in Computer Science — can appreciate the clarity of a flowchart like this one:

Criteria for the proper tactical usage of the phrase 'oh snap!': a flowchart

related: When Ph.ds get frustrated

extra credit: “Flow chart: is it fucked up?” [boingboing]

Tags: coffee · flow chart · ice · kitchen · oh snap

Sincerely, disappointed

November 20th, 2008 · 126 Comments

Our anonymous submitter says this display is just one of many microwave missives his coworker has created. “Someone tore it down and threw it on the floor once,” he says, “but she put it back up, laminated with heavy-duty tape.”

WHOEVER HAD THE GENIUS IDEA TO BLOW UP PAPER, OR WHATEVER YOU USED, IN THE MICROWAVE AND DIDN'T CLEAN IT UP, KUDOS TO YOU AND YOUR SLOPPY BEHAVIOR. I'M ASSUMING YOU LIVE EXACTLY LIKE A PIG.

WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEAN: 1. Free from dirt; unsoiled; unstained 2. Free from foreign or extraneous matter 3. Habitually free of dirt WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEANLINESS: Neat, immaculate, clean, clear, pure refer to freedom from soiling, flaw, stain or mixture

And of course, the art-imitating-life inspiration for this post: Pam Beesly.

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

Hey anonymous Coward who left the note: Be a Man. Spend less time writing notes and more time cleaning up the microwave.

related: To each his own microwave

extra credit: The Office: “Frame Toby”

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · fiction · high on highlighter · microwave · most popular notes of 2008 · New York · not-so-veiled threats · obnoxious definition · office · spelling and grammar police

Law & Order: Special Dishes Unit

November 16th, 2008 · 114 Comments

“These are the results of your typical no-one-washes-their-dishes-at-the-office situation,” says our submitter in Portland, Oregon.”There used to be a note above the sink that said “NOT YOUR MAMA,” but it was replaced with these gems, both of which sort of creep me out (and neither of which has ameliorated the dirty dish issue).”

Do your dishes - It's the Law!

I didn't get out of bed and go to work just to clean up after you princess!!!   I promise I will do all of my dishes here at [redacted] as soon as I finish eating!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oregon

Tags: dishes · kinda creepy · office · office cop · Portland

Who moved my cheese?

September 29th, 2008 · 175 Comments

Presenting — in honor of British Cheese Weekthree approaches to cheese thievery:

1) Play dumb.

Hey, I'm sure it was a mistake, but I went to the fridge to open a new block of cheese I bought for myself and I found it opened, used, and left unwrapped. What happened? I am confused. Sarah

2) Get tough.

 Note to Cheese/Salami Thief: 1. Campus Security has been notified 2. Lathrop Hall is now on campus 'Orange' alert level of security 3. All building security cameras have been activated. Note: Too much cheese can cause gastro-intestinal distress

3) Oh, F it.

To whoever ate my cheese: fuck you!

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: cheese · fridge · stealing

A sign (or ten) that your HR department might have too much time on their hands

September 21st, 2008 · 146 Comments

The tenth-floor kitchen at this office has no fewer than ten of these painstakingly laminated, clip-art-covered notes — and our anonymous submitter says this kitchen is only the tip of the iceberg.

“Nearly all of the notes in our office receive the same attention to detail,” our submitter says. “Every time I come to work I have to remind myself that I’m not in a cartoon fairy-tale land of fun.”

Wanted: Refrigerator Bandit

but what about my strawberries and cream?

Mark your calendars

Watch Your Food

unattended popcorn will be given an espresso and a free puppy

no ping pong on the spaghetti with meatballs table

'mop and wet floor sign' sign

sink-side of kitchen

related: It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

Tags: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · clip art catastrophe · gloriously redundant · microwave · office · office fridge · popcorn