Entries Tagged as 'love & marriage'

Happy birthday dear what’s-his-face

September 5th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Jo in Australia received this message from an ex-boyfriend via the dating site OKCupid. “This was where we met, so I guess he was trying to be poignant,” Jo says. “For obvious reasons,” — a.k.a. THEY WERE BROKEN UP — “I neglected to call him on his birthday. This clearly brought up more deep-seated self-esteem issues.” Nothin’ sexier than that!

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday dear what's 'is face, Happy Birthday to me. Just wanted to thank you for the care and concern you showed over the last two weeks by returning my calls and remembering me on my birthday. I think your silence spoke the volumes you wanted it to. I am hurt. I am sure it galls you to owe money to somebody who is clearly just a pest so i have included my account details below. If you could also mail back the missing Battlestar episodes I leant your brother that would be appreciated. Devastated that we fell so far.

“Replying to him is out of the question,” Jo adds — “I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of words.” Instead, she took the passive-aggressive approach: submitting it to this site.

related: So glad we’re not together!

Tags: Australia · birthday · ex drama · just not that into you · online dating · thanks (but not really)

Exes and Ohs

July 29th, 2010 · 111 Comments

It all started when Erin in Toronto sent her uncle a Christmas card. Actually, scratch that — it all started three years ago, at Erin’s wedding, the last time Erin actually saw her uncle in person.

Before the wedding, Erin explains, “Linda (my uncle’s girlfriend) RSVP’d that she’d attend, and then then didn’t bother to show up, meaning we had to pay for her meal anyway.” (Not that she’s bitter about that or anything!) “Since then,” Erin says, “I assumed they had broken up and have addressed the annual Christmas card to just my uncle and cousin.”

Now, while that might sound a bit hasty (or even, dare I say…passive-aggressive),  in Erin’s defense, the Christmas cards she received were only signed by her uncle and cousin — this year’s included. And yet, in what appears to be a last-minute back-of-the-envelope calculation, “Linda chose this year to remind me that she was still kicking around,” Erin says.

Hi Erin! In case you weren't aware I live here as well (13 years). Thanks! Linda

On the flip side of things, receiving mail addressed to one’s ex can be a disturbing experience as well. I’d say this intercepted message speaks for itself.

Nancy cheated on her husband while he was deployed to Iraq and no longer lives at this address. Return to sender.

related: There are NO pre-paid legal executives (OR FEMALES!) living here!

Tags: Christmas · ex drama · family · going postal · Oops? · Texas · Toronto · weddings and bridezillas

Sorry to break it to you

July 5th, 2010 · 101 Comments

The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory:  ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Don't flatter yourself

related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow

Tags: Facebook · just an asshole · just not that into you · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · TL;DR · U.K.

The “Next to Marry” List

June 1st, 2010 · 95 Comments

Scix in Salt Lake City, Utah found this Valentine tucked into a book at a local thrift store run by the Mormon Church. “The idea of using any edition of The Rules to get your kids married is kind of scary,” he says, but imagining the sweet, naive Mormon mom behind it (doing EVERYTHING IN HER POWER) makes it kind of cute…if a bit absurd.

K.T. - I'm sending Christy

related: We are sure you will be a beautiful bride, but…

Tags: nice stationery · Salt Lake City · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas

I am beautiful, no matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

April 28th, 2010 · 143 Comments

Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.

Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”

Dear Katie, You are beautiful now. We are sure you will be a beautiful bride. To help insure our wedding dress investment, please buy some scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week. We love you and want you to enjoy your wedding day. This present might help with some of the stress. With love, Mom & Dad

“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”

related: Loose lips shrink hips?

extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little insensitive · hey fatty · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · Oklahoma · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas

“Really, Honey. Take your time!”

April 9th, 2010 · 118 Comments

Gail in Pennsylvania says the Ann Taylor Loft store at her local mall has a small table stocked with paper and crayons — “an offering to the busy mother who has been forced to bring her pesky little children along for a shopping trip.”

When she took a closer look at the table’s scribblings, however, she had to chuckle at the sitcom-like image of a grown man stuffed into one those kiddie-sized chairs. Adds Gail: “I wonder if Greg’s wife ever saw her wonderful husband’s little PA note to the world? Well, here’s her chance!”

Greg was here waiting 'PATIENTLY' for his wife to try clothes on

related: Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

Tags: actually totally reasonable · battle of the sexes · martyr complex · message to all intended for one · Pennsylvania · retail hell · sig o

Your Facebook friends: just not that into you.

March 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

Facebook: always there to remind you of all the fun you’re not having.

Christina hates not getting invited to anything anymore. Is it because I'm married? (no, it's because you are married to a prick.)

Meg wants to get out of the house and do something fun. I wish my friends hadn't disappeared when I got pregnant.

it's great that everyone has more important things to do than come to my wedding - i guess you find out who really cares about you...

Not all of them...obviously

related: Socializing (you’re doing it wrong)

Tags: Facebook · frenemies · preggers · weddings and bridezillas

Sonic Boo

February 14th, 2010 · 102 Comments

As a Valentine’s Day gift to you all, I present you with this epic love story (which Teddie in Minneapolis discovered pinned to the bulletin board in his apartment building).

Teddie’s love note to this love note: “I love that this person (he? she?) used commas, ellipses, and possibly a semicolon, but no periods. I also love how the all-caps rant in the middle segues into a plea to be Myspace friends again with an offhand ‘anyway.’ Also, what happened to her dad?”

Dear Deseray [redacted],  I love you, First of all and I pretty much always Loved you really u was tha Best girlFriend I ever had you Know, you meant the world to me even though you was cheating on Her with Me everytime you was angry at Her For dancing with alot of girls at district or when your Love and affection fubbed OFF on Me and you really didn't even care, But anyway's I Miss you and talking to you and PLEASE TELL CORY dat I am sorry I Really AM, I just couldn't Help it I knew her LONGER than you and well after a While She Found Me SUPER ATTRACTIVE, and I did the Same For Her and Pretty Much everyBody kept saying dat we was great couples and SHIT you know YOU was the ONE For ME deseray I SWEAR TA MUdAFUCKING GOD you was My only Love For Me deseray.  I AIN'T Never Felt No Love Like you and us...your my Guardian Angel and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE, anyway I wish you can UNBLOCK me OFF Myspace so I can Talk to you instead of having to come all the way here on the Bus and write This shit in person you know, Anyway Hit Me up my # is [redacted] OKay and again I Love you and Miss you and will always Love you  Sincerly  [illegible]  [redacted]      A.K.A Sonic ur Boo Forever  P.s; Sorry For what Happen to your DaD Too I had the Same Feeling...Love You xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh, Charles. You are so SUPER ATTRACTIVE I can hardly help myself. Deseray doesn’t know what’s she missing!

related: perfect for each other

Tags: ex drama · Minneapolis/St. Paul · p.s. · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · spurned lover · TL;DR · WTF? · xoxo · You call that punctuation?

It’s all about communication. And toilet paper.

February 8th, 2010 · 136 Comments

Writes Brittney in California: “Apparently, my mom’s boyfriend was stuck with an insufficient amount of toilet paper, and being passive aggressive (because he really is) he decides to write a note about it and stick it on the mirror, rather than confront her.”

Who uses all but a couple of squares of TP with no spare? :)

Mom’s response?

Who takes the time to write a note about it but does not take the time to replace it?!?!

And, in the end….everybody loses!

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt

Tags: California · rebuttals · sad face · sig o · smiley · toilet paper

You need some help

February 2nd, 2010 · 147 Comments

On a lark, Michelle in Florida posted a profile on the online dating site OKCupid after taking one of the site’s quizzes late one night, allowing the site to pull most of her interests and whatnot from Facebook.

“I didn’t think anything more of it,” she says, that is, until she got this “helpful” message — apparently one adjunct university professor’s idea of a charming conversation starter.

Hi, No no, I'm not writting to insult you. I just mean, your profile is very...well, illogical. The picture is nice, I like the lipstick. But the self-description is completely unclear. Then, in the end, all of a sudden you say something very straight forward and to the point, about wanting to talk to someone serious about a relationship. That conclusion is good, but it contrasts to the rest of your profile.  You sound good when you just say what you want. Why not do that consistently? I think you'll get better results that way.  Anyway, I hope I didn't offend you, I just wanted to be helpful.

related: Not-a-match.com

Tags: "helpful" advice · online dating · unsolicited feedback