Entries Tagged as 'martyr complex'

Nobody does a “polite notice” quite like the Brits

September 20th, 2011 · 38 Comments

“One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”

We walk our dogs in Stanmer Park/We go to the cafe where they sit and bark/We put out water, sell doggy biscuits at the till/We provide a lead so they sit still/So when we are busy at the till and doggy water needs a fill, please give us a thought, please don't moan/Just collect your dog and take him home/Next time when doggy wants to roam bring some water and don't moan/we are here to do a job, and it's up to you to care for your dog

related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle

Tags: "customer service" · "polite notice" · dogs · don't blame us · martyr complex · pure poetry · restaurant · U.K.

Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

June 23rd, 2011 · 110 Comments

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

Out of the kindness of my heart, I chose to bring the mail to your door in person, after it was wrongfully delivered to me. You ignored my knocks, while your obese feet tromp along our ceiling, unable to hide. Next time, I'll burn the mail. All actions feed more action. Spite and arrogance breed the same in others. YES. It is a good month to be a bitch.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Tags: martyr complex · Massachusetts · mistaken identity · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · WTF?

I can feel your teeth clenching from here :)

March 22nd, 2011 · 74 Comments

Be afraid, roomies. Be very afraid.

maybe someone should do the dishes? because it kind of smells like shit in here :D (i won't be doing them because I've done them the last 4-5 times) LOVE YOU GUYS :)

related: I don’t complain.

Tags: "helpful" advice · dishes · martyr complex · odor · roommates · signed with love · smiley

Not to worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother!

October 3rd, 2010 · 87 Comments

Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

So, that's it??? You are never going to email me again???  OK. Never mind about all the times I let you do really fun things. Love, Mom

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Tags: confusion??? · e-mail · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · signed with love

It’s my pity party, and I’ll whine if I want to

July 25th, 2010 · 62 Comments

If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:

wow. Thanks to all the family members that didn't wish me a happy birthday. That's nice. I'll remember that next year when it's your birthdays.

Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:

[redacted] is wondering who would show up to my funeral because obviously my wedding and birthday aren't important enough. Thanks to those who do care though.

But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.

Because you can't be there, or because you don't care to be, when [redacted] turns another year older. Because it's easier than spending time with her, and you feel less guilty than RSVPing

related: “I received 25 bday wishes out of 473 Facebook friends.”

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · Facebook · grow up · guilt trip · martyr complex

Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha?

June 3rd, 2010 · 80 Comments

“If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

I am a dogwood, I am only lovely in the late spring. I believe it is my job to make the environment more beautiful. Why do you not like me?

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

I am a sad sad tree, barely hanging on to life. Please...keep your animals away from me...especially their urine.

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

Tree to people: I'm Dead. get new tree & plant it here, OK? Thanks

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: anthropomorphism · California · dogs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · martyr complex · piss · Richmond · Seattle

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents

April 14th, 2010 · 127 Comments

When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)

If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.

Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world

(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.

As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”

Dear Mommy & Jon  You almost cost the life of my bob my fish. It sprung a leak, next time if you here me screaming 'HELP MY FISH TANK SPRUNG A LEAK, PLEASE HELP ME Come Help Me' COME HELP worringly, eliot P.S. It was temporary

Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”

related: The joys of motherhood

Tags: guilt trip · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s.

Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

April 11th, 2010 · 122 Comments

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

So you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby shower...I guess I will look at this as a blessing in disguise, because now I know that true friends aren't flakes, and flakes are not your friends!

so I had my baby shower last weekend and I have to say Im fairly disapointed [sic] in all the people that not only didnt show up but didnt even call so thanks everyone!!!!!!

thanks to all my punk ass friends for not coming to my kids b-day party... if you didn't want to go why in the hell did you say you would in the first place?? assholes

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

I would like to thank our friends for coming to M-'s very special first birthday party...OH WAIT....none of you showed up! :( I would like to thank Angel (I can always count on you) and Cathy and our course our families for making it great! Luv u!

related: Your Facebook friends…just not that into you.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

Tags: cry me a freaking river · frenemies · it's my party · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Oops? · preggers

“Really, Honey. Take your time!”

April 9th, 2010 · 118 Comments

Gail in Pennsylvania says the Ann Taylor Loft store at her local mall has a small table stocked with paper and crayons — “an offering to the busy mother who has been forced to bring her pesky little children along for a shopping trip.”

When she took a closer look at the table’s scribblings, however, she had to chuckle at the sitcom-like image of a grown man stuffed into one those kiddie-sized chairs. Adds Gail: “I wonder if Greg’s wife ever saw her wonderful husband’s little PA note to the world? Well, here’s her chance!”

Greg was here waiting 'PATIENTLY' for his wife to try clothes on

related: Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

Tags: actually totally reasonable · battle of the sexes · martyr complex · message to all intended for one · Pennsylvania · retail hell · sig o

Actually, I am offended…above all, by your atrocious spelling.

March 1st, 2010 · 110 Comments

“This was posted after the author cleaned the house which consisted entirely of her own mess,” says our anonymous submitter in the U.K.

Of course, when you live with multiple roommates, it’s always somebody else’s mess. (Or should I say…I’ts?)

Hi Guys Look, you might find this note kinda Impertenant [sic] cos I don't engage in house-cleaning very often, but that is because I clean up after myself as I go! Plus I have a full time job so I'm too damn tierd [sic] of an evening to worry about other peoples mess, but lately I'ts [sic] become such a state that I've spent a couple of evenings: neatening the kitchen, taking out copious amounts of garbage, wiping down the work surfaces, and clearing the party debris out of the living room! the point of this note is to say that I WILL NOT be washing the mountin [sic] of dishes!

related: May the sanctity of the sink prevail!

Tags: cleaning · dishes · martyr complex · signed with love · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR · You call that punctuation?