Entries Tagged as 'Boston'

You’ve got mail!

February 28th, 2013 · 63 Comments

Writes our submitter in Boston: “Our mailman always finds the most creative and effective ways to convey his thoughts to those who neglect their mail.”

Congratulations 2d — You must be proud of the fact that you have accumulated the most mail ever in Back Bay history for someone who has not left the country, enough in fact that it now completely fills a 2nd unused mailbox here. Celebrate!! Be proud! Revel in the glory

related: Apartment D is NOT vacant!

Tags: Boston · going postal · public shaming

…but don’t do that.

February 26th, 2013 · 41 Comments

Slow clap for this building manager in Boston, anyone?

Do anything you want with the paper towels! It's an arts neighborhood: make a sculpture. Winter's coming: make a neck ruff. Roll your own: and smoke away from the building. But please don't put them in the toilet!! Put them in the trash...throw them out the nearest window...adopt them...send them to reform school...but don't put them in the toilet! Our staff and the people downstairs are very tired of the overflow floods.

related: Things to do this summer

Tags: bathroom · Boston · toilet

Hair-raising indignation

January 10th, 2013 · 47 Comments

This type of note, I think, is the absolute WORST.

This hair has been hanging here for more than SIX MONTHS. Has anyone else noticed. Cleaning people haven't.

related: This thing is in the way. Is someone going to move it? 

Tags: bathroom · Boston · hair · office

Faux (feu) pas

January 17th, 2011 · 42 Comments

To me, this note is like that scene about 17 minutes into an episode of Law & Order, when the detectives run into an overly-talkative building manager and ask him he’s seen anything suspicious lately. Then, inevitably, the guy says something like, “Well, now that you mention it, ’bout two days ago, one of the residents tried to burn some old bloody clothes in that fireplace over dere. I guess the guy wasn’t too smaht, cause he didn’t figure out that fireplace ain’t real. You know, it’s just for show.”

To Whom it May Concern, I regret to inform you that this is, in fact, a fake fireplace, and that your attempt to burn your old clothes has failed. Kindly collect your things and dispose of them properly.  Regretfully yours, Not the maid

related: When sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately.

Tags: Boston · neighbors · Oops? · Too good to be real? · WTF?

The Ring 3: Death by Sandwich

December 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker  — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker?  How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

To the asshole who stole my food this Friday between 12:00 pm - 5:00 pm on the first floor: Go to hell! You bastard! You're son of bitch! You're a jerk! You make me sick! I hate you! You will die soon! When you get out of this door, you will be hit by a car and die immediately! When you eating food, you will get choked and die immediately! When you sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately! My food has been stolen more than 5 times since last semester. I'm not going to put up with this! I'm telling you for the last time! Don't do this again! Because I'm going to check the video record and You are dead meat!  PS: People please pay attention, thief is around us! When you get him, you must kick his ass!

related: Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the dardnest threats!

Tags: Boston · Clearly a non-native English speaker · die bitch die · food · lawyers & law students · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

What, you were expecting a “How can I help you?”

November 22nd, 2010 · 65 Comments

Brian in Boston spotted this aggressively service-y sign at a sandwich shop counter. Says Brian: “The girl working seemed to think that putting this up would be more effective than actually being polite and attentive.” (Further musings re: her state of mind were stymied by a “Whadda YOU lookin’ at??” glare.)

Staring is rude. If you want something, please ASK!! I'll be happy to help you.

related: Service with a snarl

Tags: "customer service" · Boston

The neighborhood warning wagon

September 28th, 2010 · 157 Comments

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

Welcome to our neighborhood, I just wanted to let you know, that your house has been over the years had really bad police reports on late nigh beer parties! (10 PM to almost all night) Please keep in mind that this neighborhood will not tolerate "late night parties" Which includes: yelling, talking loud on back porches and your back yard and loud friends that visit! Especially this Labor Day Weekend! I understand that you college kids like to drink and have fun, but! After 10 PM if noise is too loud, police will be called, there are alot of elderly, kids and families in this area that will not tolerate this bullshit! I know Bill Mills very well (BC College) and if you guys "act up"! Calls will be made! Please show some respect in our neighborhood and keep the noise level low! If not! Police will be called! Have a good school year and be good neighbors, ok?

(P.S.) THIS INCLUDES

related: Passive voice abuse

Tags: alot · beer · Boston · CAPS LOCK · college life · crazypants · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · I'm telling on you! · kids today · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · noise · p.s. · passive voice · smiley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks" · warning · You call that punctuation?

Dr. Doolittle gets tough

June 28th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

Tags: Boston · cats · dogs · most popular notes of 2010 · San Francisco · Seattle · shit · signed with love · U.K. · you know who you are

A few choice words from Mom

June 8th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Mothers truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings known.

Just ask Rachel in Boston, who recently finished a three-semester master’s program a few months later than expected. “My mom was less than thrilled that my nine classmates finished on time while I struggled to edit my final paper,” Rachel says. “When I finally finished, we had a small graduation party, and she presented me with this gem of a cake.”

Finally! Rachel

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “My mother has a bit of a ‘thing’ against any sort of carbonated beverage and constantly refers to diet soda as ‘the devil’s brew.’ I recently bought a little pack of the mini-cans of Diet Coke, and left one on the computer desk. After arriving home one evening, I found that my mother had kindly re-labeled one of my empty cans for me.”

Little can of poisonous chemicals

In recognition of this particular skill, Amazon.com has apparently farmed out the writing of their suggested “PayPhrases” to stay-at-home Moms across the country…as Jessica in California noticed, on a double-take.

Express Checkout with PayPhrase: "Jessica's Brief Relationships"

related: Is your blog kid-tested, Mom-approved?

Tags: Boston · cake · Diet Coke · Madison · Moms & Dads

A supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again

May 23rd, 2010 · 89 Comments

Jessica from Halifax was perusing the comment board of a small restaurant on Salt Spring Island, B.C. when she  spotted this tasty tale of shellfish-related woe.

Food was great!! But, I got six prawns, and she only got two. She demanded two off of my plate. I didn't like her attitude, so I said no. She said

Meanwhile, Charlie found this scary story (and the impressively deadpan response) pinned to the comment board at the River Street Whole Foods in Cambridge, Mass.

Love this Whole Foods, best in Boston. However, the carrots are too pointy and long. It's intimidating. Can you shorten them and make them less scary?

related: The EGG SALAD BAN

Tags: Boston · British Columbia · faint praise · food · restaurant · thanks (but not really) · Too good to be real?