PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » Massachusetts

Sure, she’s dumb as a box of hair, but…

Kerry — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 02:10:06 +0000

Apparently Meaghan’s roommates weren’t happy with how she disposed of her bang trimmings in the recycling bin. But c’mon, at least she didn’t leave em in the sink or the shower drain, right? Or…maybe she was confused about how the whole “locks of love” thing works? Or…aww, screw it. Can’t you bitches all just get along?

related: Dear mother of hair baby…

I pita the fool

Kerry — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 21:41:15 +0000

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

So NOT where I thought that one was going…

Kerry — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:34:27 +0000

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

Kerry — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 03:27:39 +0000

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Faux (feu) pas

Kerry — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 20:30:13 +0000

To me, this note is like that scene about 17 minutes into an episode of Law & Order, when the detectives run into an overly-talkative building manager and ask him he’s seen anything suspicious lately. Then, inevitably, the guy says something like, “Well, now that you mention it, ’bout two days ago, one of the residents tried to burn some old bloody clothes in that fireplace over dere. I guess the guy wasn’t too smaht, cause he didn’t figure out that fireplace ain’t real. You know, it’s just for show.”

The Ring 3: Death by Sandwich

Kerry — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 22:16:20 +0000

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker? How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

What, you were expecting a “How can I help you?”

Kerry — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 02:02:35 +0000

Brian in Boston spotted this aggressively service-y sign at a sandwich shop counter. Says Brian: “The girl working seemed to think that putting this up would be more effective than actually being polite and attentive.” (Further musings re: her state of mind were stymied by a “Whadda YOU lookin’ at??” glare.)

related: Service with a snarl

The neighborhood warning wagon

Kerry — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 22:33:07 +0000

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

related: Passive voice abuse

The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

Kerry — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 03:47:00 +0000

Though your attention might have drifted ever so briefly, I’d like to reassure you that the ongoing debate over which restrooms (men’s or women’s) are the foulest continues to rage on — and yes, it’s as nauseating as ever!

I literally received these two submissions — the first from an EMT school in Massachusetts, the second from a non-profit in D.C. — within minutes of each other. Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic clue from the Internet gods that it was time for a showdown between “Angulated Rectum Guy” and “The Queen of Diahrriah?” Okay, that was a gimme. The real question: who would you rather share a loo with?

Exhibit A) as witnessed by Josh in Fall River, Mass.

Exhibit B) From an anonymous bystander in College Park, Maryland

Fetch. Roll over. DON’T SIT.

Kerry — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:24:13 +0000

Amanda in Charlestown, Mass. lives in a three-story home with an apartment on each floor and a shared patio out back. “Our downstairs neighbor is notorious for leaving us notes — ‘Don’t slam the door,’ ‘The patio is not a storage area,’ etc. — but this note topped them all,” Amanda says. ”Oh, and she clearly cannot spell.”

Dr. Doolittle gets tough

Kerry — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:24:44 +0000

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

A few choice words from Mom

Kerry — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:00:02 +0000

Mothers truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings known.

Just ask Rachel in Boston, who recently finished a three-semester master’s program a few months later than expected. “My mom was less than thrilled that my nine classmates finished on time while I struggled to edit my final paper,” Rachel says. “When I finally finished, we had a small graduation party, and she presented me with this gem of a cake.”

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “My mother has a bit of a ‘thing’ against any sort of carbonated beverage and constantly refers to diet soda as ‘the devil’s brew.’ I recently bought a little pack of the mini-cans of Diet Coke, and left one on the computer desk. After arriving home one evening, I found that my mother had kindly re-labeled one of my empty cans for me.”

In recognition of this particular skill, Amazon.com has apparently farmed out the writing of their suggested “PayPhrases” to stay-at-home Moms across the country…as Jessica in California noticed, on a double-take.

A supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again

Kerry — Mon, 24 May 2010 00:54:48 +0000

Jessica from Halifax was perusing the comment board of a small restaurant on Salt Spring Island, B.C. when she spotted this tasty tale of shellfish-related woe.

Meanwhile, Charlie found this scary story (and the impressively deadpan response) pinned to the comment board at the River Street Whole Foods in Cambridge, Mass.

related: The EGG SALAD BAN

From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan Jett

Kerry — Tue, 18 May 2010 01:26:00 +0000

Emily says her parents in Massachusetts recently dug out this note from the family archives, written when Emily was six. (She’s now a high school English teacher.)

“None of us have any recollection of the circumstances surrounding it,” Emily says, “but my mother must have done something pretty awful to warrant such a melodramatic note, my six-year-old rage boiling just below the surface.”

Adds Emily: “Given my use of the word ‘steepping,’ I also apparently confused my parents with bags of tea.”