Entries Tagged as 'mean girls'

The parenthetical smiley says it all

January 5th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Writes our submitter in Dallas: “My ex-roommate is possibly THE most passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met. We’ve reconciled, mostly, but we still have our moments. For example, just after Christmas, she was going out of town and wanted me to look after her cat. She used the same e-mail as an opportunity to say thank you for the Christmas gift my girlfriend and I gave her.

Thanks to you both for the bag; it was lovely. (Might want to get the clearance tag all the way off though first, next time. :) )

related: Thanks for saving me the trouble of writing a thank you note!

Tags: mean girls · smiley · thanks (but not really)

Sure, she’s dumb as a box of hair, but…

December 4th, 2011 · 49 Comments

Apparently Meaghan’s roommates weren’t happy with how she disposed of her bang trimmings in the recycling bin. But c’mon, at least she didn’t leave em in the sink or the shower drain, right? Or…maybe she was confused about how the whole “locks of love” thing works? Or…aww, screw it. Can’t you bitches all just get along?

Hey bitch (Meaghan)!  Hair is not recyclable! (I hope your new haircut looks really stupid!) -N & B

related: Dear mother of hair baby…

Tags: hair · heart · Massachusetts · mean girls · recycling · roommates

The old “wipe & walk” trick

September 21st, 2011 · 117 Comments

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Dear Iva, I hope you had a nice day!! :) When I moved in, I bought 6 rolls of TP & a giant tissue box. Heather bought 6 more TP rolls & the paper towel box. Unless for some reason you do not shit, pee, or wash your hands, you have used all of those things.  THEY ARE GONE. Please replenish these items by Thursday latest. If you don't, Heath & I will continue buying those things, but we will keep them in our rooms for when WE would like to pee. That sounds really funny and everything but I'M ACTUALLY NOT KIDDING. We appreciate it!! heart heart Bell

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 :)” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

related: One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

Tags: heart · mean girls · not-so-veiled threats · rainbow-colored · roommates · signed with love · smiley · toilet paper

Well, so much for “have a nice summer, see you next year”

July 4th, 2011 · 80 Comments

Writes Roxanne in New Jersey: “When my niece, Diana, returned from a yearbook-signing party, she showed me this inscription from a girl who Diana says she hardly even knows. We’re both dying to know what those terrible warnings about her could have been (but of course, grateful that Leah apparently gave her a chance in spite of them.)”

Hey Diana! It was great getting to know you this year.  A lot of people warned me about you, but you're not so bad! heart, Leah.

related: 2good 2be 4gotten

Tags: heart · mean girls · New Jersey · schools & teachers

I love you, you’re perfect, now leave

February 28th, 2011 · 66 Comments

Writes an anonymous roommate  in Virginia: “Apparently living with me and my roommates is so terrible that after leaving the house, this girl felt the need to advise [my other] ‘rooms’ to stay at her boyfriend’s house and not with us.” Adds our (not-at-all bitter) submitter: “The only batteries she needs to recharge are the ones that go in her vibrator.”

Rooms [sic], I need to go home & charge my batteries. The energy in this house literally sucks the life out of me and I need to be somewhere that makes me happy right now. I LOVE YOU, and I hope you stay at Chris's tonight!

related: Why can’t we all just get along? Don’t be bitches!

Tags: literally incorrect word usage · mean girls · nice stationery · roommates · signed with love · Virginia

I’m sorry if this is rude, but…your mere presence offends my delicate sensibilities.

August 10th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Our submitter in Orange County, California came across this note on a table at the local public library while studying for the Bar Exam. “I figured the added noises would simulate the noises during the actual test,” our submitter says. “Apparently the noise isn’t the only thing that bugs some of the other patrons.” (What’s really bugging me about this note: WHAT IS UNDER THAT WHITE-OUT STRIP ON THE FIRST LINE?)

I'm sorry if this is rude. But...You smell. And you've been scratching your body constantly. Please go take a shower when you get home. I'm studying for an important exam and your lack of hygiene is affecting my concentration.

Meanwhile, Daryl in Vancouver, B.C. spotted this pinned to the bulletin board at his gym. I don’t know if this means I’m going soft, but the thought of creepy bicycle-shorts guy walking up to the bulletin board and reading this while all of the other little kick-boxing vixens look on actually makes me feel sorry for the guy.  The note’s amusing, I guess, but it also seems a little…below-the-belt, no?

Bicycle shorts are an incredible invention. For the avid cyclist, the form-fitting design allows for freedom of movement temperature control and comfort. But when worn to a boxing class, especially in conjunction with a baby blue tank top, they can pose several dangers both to the wearer and those around him. Beyond the obvious aesthetic perils bicycle shorts can create by highlighting abnormally small genitalia, these types of shorts, when worn with a sky blue wife beater, create unease and discomfort among female classmates. This is mostly due to the fact that in 1928 the official uniform of sexual predators was declared to be black bicycle shorts paired with a powder blue tank top. Thankfully, in 1929, boxing shorts were invented, thereby eliminating any chance of someone showing up to a boxing class dressed as a convicted rapist.

related: You seem like really nice people, but…

Tags: a little insensitive · attire · gym · library · mean girls · noise · odor

Trash talk

April 27th, 2010 · 93 Comments

I’m sure these ladies thank their lucky stars every day that they have each other as roommates. Wouldn’t you?

YOU LADIES ARE LUCKY IM NOT PETTY Because I could easily SAY

related: Your trash stinks. Grow up, thanks.

Tags: apostrophe abuse · college life · garbage · mean girls · Orlando · roommates · that's disgusting · whiteboard

Let the rest of us eat cake.

January 12th, 2010 · 190 Comments

“My roommate in college was allergic to everything,” says Casey in Watsonville, California — and she talked about it ad nauseam. “For her birthday sophomore year, we went to buy her a cake but of course she was allergic to everything good. So in the end, I just got a cake I liked and we bought her some crappy vegan thing that wouldn’t make her break out.”

Sorry you can't eat this! Happy Birthday Kim

(The cake, Casey says, was “delicious.”)

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

extra credit: CakeWrecks.com

Tags: birthday · cake · mean girls · non-apology apology · roommates

The patron(izing) saint of roommates

September 1st, 2009 · 91 Comments

Carmen in Washington, D.C. says she and her roommates suffered for months at the hands of this “crazy, obsessive-compulsive who made our lives miserable.” By the end of the fall semester, Carmen says, the house was a near-war zone, and the girl finally moved out.

“Around the time she was packing up her things, we decorated for the holidays and cleaned up a bit. She was livid, and accused us of waiting to clean up until then because we had been trying to drive her from the house with the mess.” (Hmm…how would you classify that sort of behavior?)

A week later, Carmen and her roommates received this card. Enclosed: one house key, and one hearty holiday dose of condescension.

I am so glad that ya'll finally saw things my way on housekeeping.

(the front of the card)

related: way harsh, tai

Tags: a little patronizing · cleaning · college life · holiday spirit · mean girls · roommates · thanks (but not really)

Love is a mixed-signals tape

August 25th, 2009 · 83 Comments

Based on this Valentine — found by Matthew at his share house in London — I am citing Jane with a serious “misuse of mixtape” violation. (And “by the way,” talk about burying the lead!)

Jane, minxes like you are what keep the Seth Cohen/Landry Clarks of the world pining away for the unattainable Summer Roberts/Tyra Collettes of the world instead of making a go of it with the smart, punky, emotionally available girl with cute glasses who is so clearly the better choice. I reserve judgment on Gareth only because this note was found abandoned in a share house he no longer lives in, rather than being pressed into a scrapbook somewhere. Let’s hope he’s moved on from his infatuation with this unemployed little cock-tease.

Sorry, I don't actually fancy you, by the way! Have a nice day! Love, Jane

related: Textbook Dmitri

Tags: burying the lead · have a nice day · heart · mean girls · signed with love