Reports Barb in Las Vegas: “A woman in our office, originally from the Philippines, just got her citizenship. Our often inappropriate receptionist wrote this note on her card.”

Yes, that really does say “no more climbing over barbed wire in the nite.” Adds Barb: “She also printed lyrics from West Side Story in giant font and hung them in the area where we had celebratory cake. So odd!”

related: America the not-so-beautiful

I wouldn’t call these two PA notes passive-aggressive — just “pretty awful.”

First up, from St. John’s, Newfoundland:

Update: As commenter Reb points out: The “ad” from St. John’s is actually part of a Human Rights Commission campaign that’s trying to bring attention to discrimination like this; it’s not a real ad. Notice, for example, the lack of a phone number.

But this one, from Davisburg, Michigan is 100% real — and, as commenter James notes, not uncommon.

PLEASE DON’T PARK JAPANESE CARS IN FRONT OF MY OFFICE PARK THE DAMN THINGS IN JAPAN. I first posted this in my window in 1992. A lot of people still don’t get it. I remember one lady that got quite indignant after reading this years ago. It would be fitting for her unemployment to have run out and if you drive one, I hope that you are one of the next ones laid off. GRANT

(Thanks to Shawn in Canada and Sarah in Michigan for submitting!)

related: Dear Foreign Workers at the VW plant: we hope you enjoy these jobs…because we paid for them!

Did you hear? Jack Bauer is back again! He’s now working unofficially as the head of the Cubicle Counter Terrorism Unit. And apparently, he gets his best propaganda ideas right here at PAN!

(Thanks to Lisa in Utah, Tyler in Texas, Michael in Ohio and Sleepy Engineer in Virginia for their submissions!)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance (the original “terrorists win” note)

If you had to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with America, what would you say? Out-of-control debt? Oil-slicked beaches? The KFC double-down?

Well, you’re wrong. All wrong! Luckily, we have Leia in College Station, Texas and Sarah in Ocean Beach, California to spread the word about the real issue plaguing the nation: people leaving stuff places.

Actually, I take that all back. This might actually be what’s wrong with America today. Happy July 4th, everyone!

related: Do you hate America?

Our anonymous submitter lives in a university flat in the U.K. with four other guys. “Three of us (myself, an American, and a Brit) always take out the garbage and recycling when it’s our turn, but the two other international students seem to think it’s somehow beneath them. There must have been some unpleasantness while i was away for Easter break, because I came home to find this note stuck to the kitchen door, courtesy of my American flatmate.”

Adds our submitter: “I particularly like his choice of symbols to emphasize America as a ruling power: the stars and stripes, a cheeseburger, and Superman.” (And then, of course, there’s the note’s tone —  remarkably in line with American foreign policy!)

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

related: just doing their part to uphold the reputation of americans abroad

You could start with a basic visual aid…

Or perhaps appeal to your readers’ sense of patriotism…

…or go with a not-so-veiled threat.

Of course, you could just let your ass do the talking.

But remember to cite your sources.

(Thanks to Ryan in West Palm Beach, Heather in Delaware, Julie in Marysville, Brian in British Columbia and bluepaintred in Canada for their advice on this matter.)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance