PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » Moms & Dads

No Dumping Zone

Kerry — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:40:05 +0000

To me this sounds suspiciously like an episode of The League, but Stephen from Cherry Hill, New Jersey claims his daughter recently caught him heading into the bathroom “for a little sit-down,” laptop in hand. When five-year-old Rosie asked why Daddy was bringing his computer into the fecal mist zone, he replied, “Multi-tasking.”

A few minutes later, Rosie slipped the following note under the door. (The drawing had already been done earlier.)

Translation: What are you thinking Dad? That’s a horrible thing to do.

Can you really argue with her?

Daddy dearest

Kerry — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:56:53 +0000

Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

Tangled

Kerry — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:44:50 +0000

Julie in Milwaukee has been trying to drag her nine-year-old daughter to get a haircut for ages. The day of the planned trim, Mom found this prize bit of melodrama waiting on her bed.

related: A Mother’s Day Report Card

I just want to know the truth!

Kerry — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:07:03 +0000

Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

How’s that for compromise?

Kerry — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 01:33:14 +0000

Bernie in Sydney recently discovered this hidden behind a painting in his parents’ house — “the passive-aggressive conclusion to a long-running argument about demolishing the kitchen wall.”

Explains Bernie: “Mum wants the wall demolished to make the kitchen nicer; Dad insists it’s impossible and unnecessary. I honestly don’t know how my parents have managed to last 25 years together.”

related: Give the gift of honesty

XXX, Mum

Kerry — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 23:44:31 +0000

James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

Congratulations! At some point in time, through no effort of your own, you were born.

Kerry — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:20:51 +0000

So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)

That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.

extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]

While My Magnadoodle Gently Weeps

Kerry — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:15:51 +0000

Dave‘s eight-year-old daughter is a huge of the Beatles…and at this moment, a not-so-huge fan of her father.

Dave, perhaps in a few years she’ll appreciate that, if nothing else, at least you spared her the unibrow gene?

related: Abbey Road idiots

extra credit:

My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student

Kerry — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 01:37:04 +0000

Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

Don’t be an ash-hole! Love, Mom

Kerry — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 23:20:28 +0000

“My friends’ mom has four cigarette-smoking daughters under one roof,” says our submitter in Cleveland. “She had to reach her breaking point eventually.”

related: Love, the Landlord

Our Lady of Passive-Aggression

Kerry — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:07:03 +0000

“My friend and her mother have little exchanges like this via Facebook all the time,” says our anonymous submitter. “It’s always lovely to get these little peeks into their relationship.”

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

“Write what you know,” as the saying goes

Kerry — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 19:29:02 +0000

When Shelby‘s third-grade son was having trouble with his homework assignment (two paragraphs of creative writing a day), her suggestion was to just write about what came to mind first. As she realized later when she found the page in a stack of old school work: “He did not hold back.”

related: “Drunk Mommy”

extra credit: “Don’t Write What You Know” [theAtlantic.com]

I pita the fool

Kerry — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 21:41:15 +0000

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

So, Mom, what you’re telling me is to cover up with a latex catsuit?

Kerry — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 00:08:02 +0000

Joy‘s mother is the type who says things like, ”Joy! CLEAVAGE is not going to get you a JOB!” In one her more subtle moves, Joy says, “My mom clipped this ‘article’ out of her favorite nutjob newsletter and mailed it to me —with annotations to be sure I didn’t miss the point.”

Thanks for the new role model, Mom! Because, as everyone knows, Michelle Pfeiffer’s career has been propelled more than anything else by her “prudishness.”