Entries Tagged as 'most popular notes of 2009'

2009: the year in painfully polite and hilariously hostile notes

January 1st, 2010 · 162 Comments

To tide you over as you nurse your hangovers, I present this look back at our some of our favorite douchecanoes and their misadventures. Which is your pick for note of the year? Cast your vote in the comments!

Is your name Dave? Yes! My name IS Dave! Thanks for the free drink! Daves 4 Life!!!

spit & vinegar

and jesus said..."oh, snap!"

keep being awesome!

what would jesus do for a klondike bar?

the easter bunny is so passive-aggressive

waiting for the second coming (and/or a thank you note)

untitled (broken glass)

well, do ya?

on jamming

"Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts"

Bulgarian Fat Police

repestect yourself

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Tags: most popular notes of 2009 · troublemaker's choice

WiFi for passive-aggressives

December 30th, 2009 · 168 Comments

When even leaving a note is too direct…you folks with wireless networks still named “linksys” or “trendnet” are clearly missing out on a priceless opportunity to piss off your neighbors.

YourDogShitsInMyYard

3rdFloorAssholeSTFUOnYourBalcony

Icanhereyouhavingsex [sic]

Caitlin stop using our Internet!

please no more grindcore at 3am

Stop being so fucking loud.

plzstopfuckingsoloudly

We can hear you having sex.

(Thanks to submitters Paul in St. Paul, Stirling in Salt Lake City, Arcadiy in Seattle, Denise in Rochester, Sara in Berkeley, Liz in Austin, Breanne in Oklahoma City, and Payal in Pleasanton, California…all of whom, no doubt, have secured wi-fi networks. Right, guys?)

related: Why-fi

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Tags: dogs · most popular notes of 2009 · neighbors · noise · sex sex sex

What say you, Emily Post?

December 1st, 2009 · 140 Comments

As an early holiday gift to you, I present the current leading candidate in the race for “douchecanoe of the year”…

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

UPDATE: Our anonymous tipster passes along this follow-up status update, adding, “The best part about this situation is that, by posting her latest status update, she just encouraged more people to come see how rude and greedy she is!”

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

related: Facebook wedding drama

extra credit: DISLIKE!

Tags: etiquette · Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

Loose lips shrink hips?

November 9th, 2009 · 272 Comments

Our anonymous submitter from Herndon, Virginia and two of his friends — “all three of us on the large size” — were having lunch at a restaurant when a lady sitting nearby passed them this dear little note of encouragement.

Dear you! Excuse me 4 breaking in.  I'm sitting the next table to u.  My name is Angela.  I'm from Sofia, Bulgaria.  I'm Bulgarian, and American citizen too.  I gained 35 pounds since I got to the USA.  Please don't get hurt, but the (3) of U should loose weight.  I know it's hard.  It is certainly hard 4 me.  But U feel better afterwards, and validated and accomplished.  Best Angela

related: hey, fatty

Tags: "helpful" advice · culture clash · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2009 · unsolicited feedback

Waiting for the rapture (and/or a thank you note)

November 5th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Writes Ben in Snohomish, Washington: “We visit my aunt the same amount we visit the rest of our extended family, but for some reason she takes it personally that we don’t do so daily. She took the occasion of my son’s 11th birthday to take a shot at us.”

passiveaggressivenotes.com: birthday card - waiting for the second coming (and/or a thank you note)

related: my condolences on your birthday

Tags: birthday · family · guilt trip · Jesus · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks · Washington state

“Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts”

November 1st, 2009 · 329 Comments

Writes Mike in Provo, Utah: “This is a letter my friend Liz found on the windshield of her car during the time she was dating her now-husband. They framed the note, and now have it proudly displayed in their living room.”

passiveaggressivenotes.com: nosy neighbors in provo, utah

related: A substance user and a player!

Tags: "helpful" advice · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2009 · MYOB · neighbors · Provo · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback · Utah

Unattended children will be shot.

September 13th, 2009 · 135 Comments

As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

at least it doesn't say "expresso"

As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

Children left unattended will receive a free kitten

Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)

Unattended children will be sold to Gypsies

This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

Unattended children will be sold as slaves

Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…

Unattended children will be placed on hooks (and tortured)

unattended children will be served as sausage

All unattended children will be thrown in the dumpster

Hilarious, right?

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

Tags: kids · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2009 · oh no you didn't · retail hell

And Jesus said “oh, snap!”

September 7th, 2009 · 137 Comments

Another sign of the times: Nick in Tampa, Florida says the sodas in his small office used to be free, but now they cost 50 cents. And yet, Nick says, “when they’re left out unguarded and unsecured, naturally, people steal them.”

Eventually, one coworker thought instilling the fear of god would make for a good theft-deterrent…which inspired another coworker to quote scripture in protest of the new drink policy.

jesus is watching you steal diet cokes

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: Diet Coke · Jesus · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap · stealing · Tampa

Facebook: a place for navel-gazing narcissists

August 26th, 2009 · 192 Comments

Seriously, how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____ right now?  (you fill in the blank)

Next year, I think this guy and this girl should collaborate on a gigantic fucking birthday pity party.

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

related: you know, I’m getting input here that is relatively hostile

extra credit: Facebook is for narcissists

Tags: birthday · Facebook · guilt trip · just not that into you · most popular notes of 2009

The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

August 11th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Who knew? Apparently, every office has at least one person with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall.

From Florida:

Hey Boogermeister, This isn't a gas station in Hazzard County; this is a place of work. How about blowing your nose in a tissue like most evolved humans, instead of picking it and wiping it all over the place? Your cooperation is much appreciated.

From Georgia:

The Wall — Good For: Holding up the Ceiling. Not Good For: Wiping your boogers

From a hospital (!) in Washington, D.C.

Is this your booger collection? If so please consider taking it down and back home with you (or are you walls simply too full of your snot by now?). It is clear that you have some personal hygiene self-respect issues that you need to resolve. Please seek appropriate counseling and follow up.

[Read more →]

Tags: bathroom · grow up · hygiene · most popular notes of 2009 · nose-picking · office · that's disgusting