Entries Tagged as 'most popular notes of 2009'

“Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts”

November 1st, 2009 · 329 Comments

Writes Mike in Provo, Utah: “This is a letter my friend Liz found on the windshield of her car during the time she was dating her now-husband. They framed the note, and now have it proudly displayed in their living room.”

passiveaggressivenotes.com: nosy neighbors in provo, utah

related: A substance user and a player!

Tags: "helpful" advice · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2009 · MYOB · neighbors · Provo · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback · Utah

Unattended children will be shot.

September 13th, 2009 · 135 Comments

As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

at least it doesn't say "expresso"

As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

Children left unattended will receive a free kitten

Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)

Unattended children will be sold to Gypsies

This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

Unattended children will be sold as slaves

Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…

Unattended children will be placed on hooks (and tortured)

unattended children will be served as sausage

All unattended children will be thrown in the dumpster

Hilarious, right?

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

Tags: kids · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2009 · oh no you didn't · retail hell

And Jesus said “oh, snap!”

September 7th, 2009 · 136 Comments

Another sign of the times: Nick in Tampa, Florida says the sodas in his small office used to be free, but now they cost 50 cents. And yet, Nick says, “when they’re left out unguarded and unsecured, naturally, people steal them.”

Eventually, one coworker thought instilling the fear of god would make for a good theft-deterrent…which inspired another coworker to quote scripture in protest of the new drink policy.

jesus is watching you steal diet cokes

related: no, He uses vaseline

Tags: Diet Coke · Jesus · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap · stealing · Tampa

Facebook: a place for navel-gazing narcissists

August 26th, 2009 · 192 Comments

Seriously, how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____ right now?  (you fill in the blank)

Next year, I think this guy and this girl should collaborate on a gigantic fucking birthday pity party.

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

related: you know, I’m getting input here that is relatively hostile

extra credit: Facebook is for narcissists

Tags: birthday · Facebook · guilt trip · just not that into you · most popular notes of 2009

The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

August 11th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Who knew? Apparently, every office has at least one person with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall.

From Florida:

Hey Boogermeister, This isn't a gas station in Hazzard County; this is a place of work. How about blowing your nose in a tissue like most evolved humans, instead of picking it and wiping it all over the place? Your cooperation is much appreciated.

From Georgia:

The Wall — Good For: Holding up the Ceiling. Not Good For: Wiping your boogers

From a hospital (!) in Washington, D.C.

Is this your booger collection? If so please consider taking it down and back home with you (or are you walls simply too full of your snot by now?). It is clear that you have some personal hygiene self-respect issues that you need to resolve. Please seek appropriate counseling and follow up.

[Read more →]

Tags: bathroom · grow up · hygiene · most popular notes of 2009 · nose-picking · office · that's disgusting

Why Facebook is sooo gonna get you fired

August 10th, 2009 · 163 Comments

Even more dangerous than friending your parents on Facebook?  Friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kinda can’t stand.

Exhibit a)
facebook is soooo gonna get your ass fired

Exhibit b)

Whoops! Forgot I friended you!

Exhibit c)

get off facebook, por favor

And Exhibit d) (via “the Internet”)

facebook is sooo gonna get your ass fired

related: Busted by facebook

extra credit: Study says Facebook is like, totally ruining your life …and gonna get you fired [mashable]

Tags: Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap

Facebook wedding drama

July 11th, 2009 · 85 Comments

As always, Facebook users are keepin’ it classy.

Because this is a classy wedding

facebook wedding drama

passive-aggressive wedding drama

facebook wedding drama

FINALLY.

related: Tant pis, mon amie

extra credit: STFU, Marrieds

Tags: California · Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · most popular notes of 2009 · sad face · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

Are you proud to be an American?

July 4th, 2009 · 206 Comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a university flat in the U.K. with four other guys. “Three of us (myself, an American, and a Brit) always take out the garbage and recycling when it’s our turn, but the two other international students seem to think it’s somehow beneath them. There must have been some unpleasantness while i was away for Easter break, because I came home to find this note stuck to the kitchen door, courtesy of my American flatmate.”

Adds our submitter: “I particularly like his choice of symbols to emphasize America as a ruling power: the stars and stripes, a cheeseburger, and Superman.” (And then, of course, there’s the note’s tone —  remarkably in line with American foreign policy!)

are you proud to be an american?

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

related: just doing their part to uphold the reputation of americans abroad

Tags: Americans abroad · college life · misplaced patriotism · most popular notes of 2009 · recycling · roommates · U.K.

Repestect yourself

June 29th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

If you like to do graphity, dont do it. Pull your pants down and graphity your ass. Repestect this building and if you dont repect it do it in your own building. This is not Prospect Park. This building is being recorded 24/7 and if your taped, you will go to jail. Do not right back on this paper knock on Apt 2B if you don't like this message. -Management

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: bizarro spacing · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · elevator · graffiti · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2009 · now that's management · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · the po-po · your/you're

Soyf*ckers Anonymous

June 22nd, 2009 · 358 Comments

Spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in Columbus, Ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order (sob).

Vegan? Vegan, vegetarian or vegan-curious?  Casual, non-judgemental support & opportunities to connect!  Monthly meetups within the community.  JOIN NOW! The Columbus Vegan Meetup Group  Carnivore? Chances are you don't need some wimpy support group. Keep being AWESOME!

related: P.S. bacon is life

extra credit: Passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [McSweeneys]

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Tags: clip art catastrophe · Columbus · food · most popular notes of 2009 · office · smartass