…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”

(For that, you can be thankful.)

related: Microwave on the run!

Elana in North Rustico, Canada spotted this tart exchange inside her friend Shannon’s fridge.

Shannon, no doubt hoping to avoid getting called out for interfering with her roommate’s yogurt supply, wrote the first note. Her roommate Michael, perhaps taking issue with the note’s mildly patronizing tone, fired back with his own written retort. And as for the yogurts? Yup, still in the fridge.

related: Who’s the smartass?

Spelling & Grammar Nazis…not necessarily known for compassion and self-restraint. Sure, maybe there is “a time for every matter under heaven” — but maybe this isn’t wasn’t the best time to point out your superior knowledge of homophones?

(Thanks to Robin in Las Vegas for submitting.)

related: “Domestic violence isn’t cool but neither is keeping us all awake.”

Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.

You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.

Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…

…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.

Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)

Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!

related: That’s breastmilk!

If you’d like to join a vigilante punctuation posse or a grassroots typography militia, Washington State might be the place for you.

In one Seattle suburb, for example, an underground group has targeted a certain “JS,” who sources say “has some serious control/micromanagement issues, and enjoys flaunting his power to tell people what to do a liiiittle too much. He also tends to find nasty ways to get revenge on people who contradict him.”

Elsewhere in Seattle, “office professionalism” seems to have no bearing on freedom of speech…as long as you use the right typeface, of course.

related: Completely valid rebuttals

You’re a zookeeper. You’re sick of answering the same damn question all day long. How do you handle it?

Well, there’s the PC approach…

The pedantic approach…

And then there’s my personal favorite, the German approach.

(Thanks to Gina in Cincinnati, Sarah in Los Angeles, and Andrea in Berlin for their submissions!)

related: Don’t die; it’s expensive

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

No, not the World Cup — we’re talkin’ good ol’ American college football. After all, as the homepage of the The Huntsville (Alabama) Times will tell you, kickoff is only a short 68 days away!

If you live in a town like Huntsville, Alabama, it’s beyond the scope of most folks’ imaginations that one simply wouldn’t care about something as earth-shatteringly important as football. As our submitter, a reporter at The Huntsville Times, explains, “We’re one hell of a football nation here — you either root for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide or Auburn University.”

So, our submitter concludes, “I’m guessing this letter comes from an Auburn fan.”

UPDATE: Another postcard-to-the-editor from the Huntsville Times’ number #1 reader!

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: “The Death of Print Journalism”