Entries Tagged as 'most popular notes of 2011'

A little bump and slide

August 30th, 2011 · 67 Comments

According to our submitter, this car hasn’t been spotted in the path since.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS PARKING ACROSS THE PATH. IT GIVES ME THE CHANCE TO BE A MOVIE STAR & SLIDE ACROSS YOUR HOOD NOW & THEN. TRY IT, IT'S AWESOME!

related: BAD PARK YOU!

Tags: car · most popular notes of 2011 · parking · reverse psychology · smartass

Now, if we could all just take our own advice…

August 27th, 2011 · 69 Comments

Really, some people are just better off living alone.

Presented in order of appearance:

If you used the last piece, throw this away and put a new roll on.

 If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch.

[Roommate 1:] If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch. [Roommate 2:] You just did the exact opposite of what you wrote.

related: What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · note wars · roommates · toilet paper

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

August 22nd, 2011 · 47 Comments

At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink. The wrath of the ancients will fall upon your head. You will be cursed and misery will accompany you for your remaining days. You will constantly trip over things that are not there. The IRS will audit you. Your dog will run away at the sight of you. Your shoelaces will not stay tied. Mysterious clowns will seem to always be watching you. Rabid squirrels will invade your home. Your food in the work refrigerator will mysteriously spoil (and only yours. No one else's.) Your car  will start making the expensive knocking/tapping sound and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES EVER AGAIN.

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

Tags: Austin · dishes · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · office · smartass

It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

August 9th, 2011 · 125 Comments

Kate in Melbourne caught a glimpse of this note from the street, and it looked so ridiculous that she snuck into the private lot to get a closer look. Adds Kate: “I imagine this person is quite popular with the neighbours.”

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

(By the way, Kate apologizes for the poor resolution of the photos; she only had her mobile phone with her at the time.)

related: Dear self-appointed parking cop: please direct your anger and self-righteousness elsewhere.

extra credit: This kid parallel parks better than I do [youtube]

Tags: kids · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · oh snap · parking

Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 Comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley

Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 Comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

Tags: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.

See, this is why people hate vegans.

July 6th, 2011 · 788 Comments

“When I moved in a year ago, my roommate was an ovo-lacto vegetarian, whereas I was (and still am) an omnivore,” explains our submitter in Brooklyn. “She used to not care about my eating habits, but about four months ago she decided to become a full-blown vegan and has been insufferable since then. Yesterday I went food shopping for myself, and when I came back from work today I found this letter on my bedside table.”

(Yeah, the writing is a little hard to read — just wait for the page to load completely, and then click the images below to enlarge.)

I have to be blunt with you.

Why do you buy SO MUCH meat?

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

Tags: and that's an order · Brooklyn · food · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · self-righteous vegans · TL;DR · unsolicited feedback

Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

Tags: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons

Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

June 23rd, 2011 · 110 Comments

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

Out of the kindness of my heart, I chose to bring the mail to your door in person, after it was wrongfully delivered to me. You ignored my knocks, while your obese feet tromp along our ceiling, unable to hide. Next time, I'll burn the mail. All actions feed more action. Spite and arrogance breed the same in others. YES. It is a good month to be a bitch.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Tags: martyr complex · Massachusetts · mistaken identity · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · WTF?

How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

June 8th, 2011 · 70 Comments

From a convenience store in Florida:

WE WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT MONEY OUT OF UNDERGARMENTS.

A petting zoo in Virginia:

WARNING: Please do not feed animals from your mouth.

And a U.S. Army post in Washington State:

ATTENTION Do not pass body fluids into drinking fountain. It is a health hazard!

(Thanks to Nicolette, Gaby, and Kharissa for submitting!)

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · money · most popular notes of 2011 · that's unsanitary · WTF?