Entries Tagged as 'neighbors'

Found: Ugly Cat

December 28th, 2011 · 35 Comments

Spotted (and Instagram’d) by Cecilia in Pensacola, Florida:

UGLY CAT There is a cat in place that will not leave no matter how poorly I treat it. This means: 1) It is lost 2) It is abandoned 3) It thinks I am a better decorator than you. If you want your cat back describe on next page & leave phone #. If your description matches, come pick up your cat. Bring a stun gun. This *#!$% cat will not leave voluntarily.

related: Scat, fat cat!

extra credit: Chase No Face

Tags: cats · Florida · neighbors

Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection

December 18th, 2011 · 46 Comments

Ryan came home from work tonight and found this taped to the front door of his Chicago apartment building.

It could be worse, of course. Adds Ryan, “At least she plays nice guitar.”

To the guy who lives at the south end of the building and skypes his girlfriend every night at 3am: Hey man, I know you and your girlfriend are in different time zones, and I understand you have to talk to her EVERY NIGHT AT 2-4 AM, but could you please keep your voice down, and maybe use a headphone instead of the speaker? It's nice that your girlfriend has a beautiful singing voice and plays nice guitar, but I really can't appreciate her performance at this ungodly hour. I've been waken [sic] up three nights in a row by you guys and I sincerely hope it won't turn into a full season of your personal American idol show. PLEASE USE A HEADPHONE! Thank you. Someone who only gets 4 hours of sleep these days.

related: Toto, I have a feeling we’re not at band camp anymore

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · noise · sleeping

In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

December 16th, 2011 · 36 Comments

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

Dear Grinch Stealing Packages from His and/or Her Neighbors, In the Spirit of the Holidays, I am choosing to let you know that I have sent myself (and a cooperating neighbor on another floor, from whom you have also stolen) one or more extra special presents, JUST FOR YOU! I really hope that you like them! I spent a lot of time and care on them as I wanted to make sure you know just how special you are to me!

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

Tags: Christmas · Denver · holiday spirit · kinda creepy · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · stealing

Am I crazy? (Check yes or no)

November 30th, 2011 · 97 Comments

Despite what her neighbor would have you believe, Mim in Adelaide, Australia says she doesn’t actually just toss her trash into the street. In this case, she simply put out hard rubbish our for collection a few days earlier than suited the residents of 59 Windsor.

Mim says this note is just the latest installment in an ongoing litany of complaints, which “always come with the multi-coloured swirly script and hearts. They crack me up every time!”

The people next door are selling their house. Please don't spoil it by leaving your fucking rubbish in the avenue. Thank you

related: Stay classy, Little Rock

Tags: Australia · excessive capitalization · garbage · heart · neighbors · there goes the neighborhood

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

November 28th, 2011 · 88 Comments

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

Mr. Cranky - While I understand that dog[s] shit on your lawn frequently...don't EVER come at me, my girlfriend, or Dog in such an ignorant, aggressive and childish fashion. You are not the dog-shit sheriff of Berkeley. If you ever speak to me in that manner again I will be sure to send a pack of Huskies who've recently eaten pounds of broccoli and chill to shit all over your lawn. If you see me again on the street an apology might make you feel like a BIG responsible boy. Otherwise, don't speak to me, Brroo, Your Neighbor

related: The Pooper Stooper

Tags: dogs · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · shit

Urban Warfare

November 27th, 2011 · 82 Comments

Perhaps the neighbors are Skyrim fans?

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

related: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty on pause

extra credit: ‘Modern Warfare’ removes one team’s call of duty [wtop.com]

Tags: gaming · Illinois · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · p.s. · the po-po

Your Ultra Charmin Neighbor

November 21st, 2011 · 61 Comments

Writes our submitter in Philadelphia: “In our apartment building, packages are left by the block of mailboxes, relatively near where your individual mailbox is. I’ve never had a problem, but apparently not everyone was so lucky…this sign was on every floor of the building.”

Dear whoever stole my Amazon package: I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you're a huge asshole. Enjoy, Your Friendly Neighbor

related: I hope your cat chokes.

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · Philadelphia · stealing · toilet paper

Clap Your Hands Say Nah

November 7th, 2011 · 85 Comments

“For the past couple of weeks,” writes Anna in Oakland, “someone in the alley or the building next door to mine has started clapping every day at 8:30 a.m. Just clapping. For at least ten minutes at a time. It’s been driving me crazy, and apparently I’m not the only one.”

Yeah, I can see how that would get old.

Dear neighbor who likes to clap by his open window on the alley early in the morning: Please have some consideration for your neighbors who are still sleeping. Please close your window. Or do your clapping thing in the middle of the day instead of the early morning. Thanks, A neighbor who sleeps later than you.

related: What the hell is going on at this office?

Tags: neighbors · noise · Oakland · WTF?

The unfinished story of the unhappy door

November 6th, 2011 · 71 Comments

The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”

Once upon a time there was a door that was rather unhappy. Every day people would allow the door to slam very loudly. The door was a very thoughtful door, so it very sad about the people who allow him to slam and cause such a disturbance. One day one person had the idea to leave a subtle note on the door with the hope that this note would tactfully encourage people to stop slamming their f&*king doors. -The end-

(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)

related: “The life of a toilet is much more stressful than people realize”

Tags: anthropomorphism · clip art catastrophe · door-slamming · neighbors · U.K.

Scat, fat cat!

October 26th, 2011 · 241 Comments

Sometimes it takes a village to raise an obese cat.

Sam spotted this somewhat presumptuous notice while house-hunting in South London. “We looked everywhere for the monster cat,” he says, to no avail. (Perhaps if you’d tried slipping a few opened tins of tuna fish in your pockets?)

PLEASE STOP FEEDING MY CAT! Over the last 4 months he has put on 7 lbs! He is now seriously overweight! This is BAD for his health. He is on a special diet prescribed by the VET. If he tries to steal your cats' food: CHASE HIM OFF! Please stop feeding him voluntarily. Thank You.

related: To whom that wanted to be a superhero and take my cat to the pound

Tags: cats · food · neighbors